It Would Be Nice

Oh, my concern isn't for you. It's for the people you circle back on. Being blunt, direct and honest here. You fear consumes you. It is your past fear you are (unknowingly) projecting.

I view you as someone that is AFRAID because of the REMINDERS you see. This is very much a projection of past fears onto current events. Listen to me very carefully. You. Are. Afraid. Forget the safe labels and excuses for it. You. Are. Afraid. Of the past repeating itself. And in pain when you see those reminders most likely. I do understand this. I've gone through it myself. even gone insane from it. I had to be harsh on myself so I'm being harsh on you. Understand that or don't. Truth and logic is truth and logic. I can not afford to spare feelings when we're discussing how fear HARMS people. Or keeps them safe. But here it's harming. You tell me if that's mean or not.

going to speak personally but also genially.

Time to get personal. No, really, I'm going to mention my own bad past experiences and prove to you that you are projecting. It's honestly a common mistake people make. Normally fuels trust issues (in this case it's more a case of struggling to even face others). It has to do with fear you see. But ACCURATE fear to be more precise. When accurate and faced it can be conquered. controlled. There is pain but it is overcome. When inaccurate and avoided, it consumes you. Always comes back. Unresolved. Lingering. Makes you live in pain. Reasons will vary. But this is what it all boils down too.

It takes years for you because you've yet to learn getting over the WORST of your fears. Which is actually something I can honestly relate too. It took a while for me too. Once you face the worst of your fears a number of times it gets quicker and easier through practice, repetition and being aware of the "formula" (being aware. How to not have fear consume you in various situations no matter how volatile. etc). Learning all of that does indeed take time.

Now think about this for a moment. Because this is the important part. If you can face the WORST of your fears is there anything you won't be able to face after that? That is your incentive to face it head on. To EXPOSE yourself to it. Because if you can do that with this imagine how capable you'll be coming out the other end. Fear doesn't stop being less scary. But you learn to face and handle it through that exposure. Find those T-shirts. Find those jeans. LOOK for them. But, uh... Maybe not kidnap people with a body type. In time those painful memories are replaced with happier ones because of the differences. Not the similarities. in time you stop thinking about the similarities so much and focus on the differences. Exposure does that.

Exposure lets us SEE the proof. Your "brain" (instincts and habits is more accurate. Thinking also alters that) CHANGES depending on how YOU consider and view things constantly and consistently. All the time. It's doing it right now. And that's a good thing. You have to remind yourself "Similar but also DIFFERENT". Not just here but with multiple situations. It's a very simple but effective piece of information that a lot of people easily overlook. Even the chemicals inside of us change, all depending on how understanding and aware (and in control) we are. So that's not an excuse either. It's why we feel "happy" when we have support for example. It's why we feel "loved" when we embrace someone. How we gain "strength" is overcoming our weaknesses. The flip side of stress, sadness and depression is obvious. Finding the reasons brings control and stability. And in turn peace of mind. But to gain that you must accept the situation for what it REALLY is. So prepare yourself. Because I'm knocking your excuses outside the ball park.

PTSD isn't an excuse. Not sugar coating this. You're hiding behind a safe label. Speaking as someone that's suffered from my own nightmares and self isolation because of my own past fears (and pain). Again, not an excuse. Personally I lost someone to suicide and had to overcome handguns (even in computer games. I really struggled with it). As well as someone that's been in the middle of people and made to choose between them when they were at each others throats. Which was actually worse because "Ohh, they see the worst". It got to the point where I lost my sanity. So yea, I understand the hell you go through.

But you know how I overcame all of that? Because I focus on what is DIFFERENT. Those guns that used to give me nightmares? Pew pew. entertainment now. DIFFERENT weapons in a DIFFERENT environment with DIFFERENT people. Those exes that fell out? They had a crush on each other. Because I saw through the differences and pointed them out (in this case it's even the same people). Not only that, THEY learned to see that in each other. All that pain, suffering, anger, misery and grief from "Seeing the worst of". Just because it's what people want to see? Frankly, that's bullshit. And I call it out.

You're still fixated on the similarities. You're making excuses to continue to do so. the excuses I once made. Ok, different excuses. But you get my point. Should I walk away from people that remind me of my past? Better question. Is that the EXAMPLE I want to set?

It wasn't "T-shirts". It was THAT T-shirt. That ONE T-shirt. It wasn't "All of that body build". It was that ONE body type. Assigned to that ONE person that hurt you. Them and NO ONE ELSE. It wasn't even the clothes. Or the body type. It was their PERSONALITY. What they DID. And, just so we're perfectly clear here, chances are you also made your OWN mistakes to cause that situation to go bad. So go toss out your own clothes if that's the case. But you can't toss out your skin. You're blaming everything around you. Like I once did. But that's all it is. Blame. Not responsibility. Blame without responsibility serves no purpose. Blame without responsibility is making a target. That's what bullies do. Finding any other excuse. Again, this is very much projecting. You might not mean to do it on a conscious level, you might try to avoid it on a CONSCIOUS level. But on a SUB conscious level that is what is happening. If you can't even admit it's what you're doing then you'll just continue to do it because you can't even admit the situation for what it is. Meaning you'll never do anything about it.

I'm saying this again so it sinks in. You are sub concisely assigning blame to t-shirts, jeans and body types. It is why you are afraid of the flashbacks and bad memories when you see the reminders. Which, to be fair, is a reason. But, again, THAT one situation. That ONE t-shirt. Those ONE pair of jeans. On that ONE person.

To quote "This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine."

But this isn't about shirts or jeans alone is it? No, this is about something more sinister. This is about how anyone ever's been in a bad situation, took one glance at you for being in a similar situation and them immediately slapped down the mistrust mallet. Because of THEIR past fears of "similar situations". Situations that can go VERY differently if given the chance.

Do you give that chance even when you are afraid?