Sun Kitten(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Aug 15, 2020
I believe there IS such thing as a selfish apology, one where you are just trying to get reassurance. But I also believe there's a true apology, one that comes with no expectation, feels like a huge risk to ego, takes courage to say.
One is putting the responsibility on the other to make you feel better, the other is taking full responsibility. |
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KnottyBunny
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4 years ago •
Aug 15, 2020
I have met a man that did not believe in accepting apologies in a dynamic but he would always apologize for his mishaps. Rather hypocritical imo.
I really never understood why he thought he could apologize and be forgiven but I couldn't. 😆 |
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AmericanPsycho{None}
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4 years ago •
Aug 16, 2020
There is a difference in dominating. There are the feeling d Mr E wrote: That is a maddening kop out when I hear that.
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AmericanPsycho{None}
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4 years ago •
Aug 16, 2020
Mr d
What is maddening. There is a fundamental difference between you claiming dominate and me being a sadist which the author can validate. You feel. We don’t. Why be bothered and have maddening thoughts
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Miki(masochist female)
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4 years ago •
Aug 16, 2020
An apology that contains the words "if" and certainly "but" is not genuine, or partially genuine. Apologies should always be offered and, depending on what someone is apologizing for, accepted.
If someone finds their partner/friend/family member repeatedly apologizing for the same danmed thing done over and over again, it's safe to assume the apologies are half-hearted at best. |
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| hank submissive male(sub male) |
4 years ago •
Aug 28, 2020
I think people that do not believe in apologies do not understand that it makes the person you have wronged at least know you admit your mistake on the other hand they may find it difficult to find the words for saying you are sorry and after a while they do not know if anyone would accept them.
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Tthomas
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4 years ago •
Aug 28, 2020
Re: Apologies serenitymuse wrote: I have run in to two men in my life who emphatically do not believe in apologies.
One says that life is too short for apologies. The other says that they are typically empty of heart and just serving to selfishly alleviate ones guilt. Because of this influence, I am very careful, more so than usual, with my words and intents around apologies. Today I do not have anything to apologize for, that I’m aware of yet, but I thought it would be interesting to hear other perspectives and insights. How do you feel about apologies? When you are in a relationship with someone like that its a hard way to live. The second worst is being in a relationship with someone that says they are sorry but doesn't mean it. |
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tallslenderguy(other male)
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4 years ago •
Aug 28, 2020
Re: Mr d konvikdomination wrote: What is maddening. There is a fundamental difference between you claiming dominate and me being a sadist which the author can validate. You feel. We don’t. Why be bothered and have maddening thoughts
Not trying (or wanting) to 'engage' the writer here, just responding to the content. "You feel. We don't." i question this assertion on (at least) two counts. One, the presumption of the writer when he claims an inclusive "we," implying he can speak for sadists in general? Two, i doubt he even speaks for himself when claiming he doesn't feel? i don't think there is such a thing as a person who doesn't feel. His feelings may be self absorbed and inconsiderate of others, but i don't see that as the same as not feeling. For example, my guess is he gets feelings like pleasure and fulfeelment from inflicting pain. It seems to me that this sort of person is very emotional, feeling, but his feelings are immature, or developmenly stunted for what ever reason. That's not meant as a slam, it's just how i see maturity/immaturity. For me, a hallmark of "maturity" is the ability to see and be considerate and concerned for others. i see that as evolutionarily sound, that we are all connected and interdependent, that causing 'true' harm to another is like shooting oneself in the foot. |
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hopefulbabygirl(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Aug 28, 2020
To not apologize when you’ve hurt someone shows, in my opinion, that they do not care for your feelings or that they’ve hurt you.
On the other hand, I tend apologize too much or take blame for something that isn’t my fault and while I’m trying to change that it’s a hard habit to break when I learned to say it just to keep the peace. I wouldn’t want anyone to think my apologies are cheap or that they aren’t as meaningful but I can understand why it can be viewed that way. |
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HawkofOregon
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4 years ago •
Aug 28, 2020
hopefulbabygirl makes a good point which, essentially, talks about the apologist, the one that apologizes for everything. I used to do that, until somebody pointed out my apologies weren't just cheap, they were worthless!
On the other hand, if you truly own the situation that needs an apology, failure to do so makes you look like a real asshole. I won't even talk about the individual that tries to pass off his/her screw-up on to somebody else... 🙄 |
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