How do you approach?

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 9, 2020

Agreed to all.

But I persist!

Over-analysis is Paralysis! Follow the Vibe!

FeistyMinx​(sub female){HAPPYL❤VE} • Sep 9, 2020

@TaramaFor

A human with conscious doesn't grope, grab or smack ass on the first encounter. And no that's not ok for people to think that unless your prison.

Who is your Domme or Dom ? I'd like a conversation.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 10, 2020

@Feisty: You're assuming. And speaking for others.

Look, the fact is some people like that kind of attention because they're that kinky and make it clear they enjoy that kind of activity (be it through presence/aura or/and actions. Environment also factors in). If you can't accept that then that's your delusion. If you are incapable of making first contact go well sexually then that's your inability. Or/and theirs. But clearly you're assuming the worst of the situation across the board.

Also I quite clearly stated in my previous post "Arm around waist". And specifically stated "Going for the ass will probably get you slapped". Are you even paying attention? At least know what you're talking about before trying to counter argue.

FeistyMinx​(sub female){HAPPYL❤VE} • Sep 10, 2020

@TaramaFor

When have you ever approached someone you didn't know and start talking about sex?

I'm not shy.

But I'm going to introduce myself first,

get to know someone other than sex because if I don't like what they're into as far as career, hobbies, things that are everyday for them then it's pointless to move forward. It's a waste of my time.
I'm not a whore but obviously some are.

Exquisite​(sub female) • Sep 10, 2020

Hi everyone,

Three of the young men as of this morning were shown on the news as “sex traffickers”

ribbonbaby​(sub female){Guarded} • Sep 10, 2020

You did great! Those girls are safe bc you trusted your gut and stepped in. 💜

Rinweramu​(sub female) • Sep 10, 2020

I was approached one time by someone in my friend group. He was really friendly and understanding about it but very straightforward about it being a BDSM thing. I thought it was fine but then again I'm a sub and I knew I was a sub at that point so I don't know how uncomfortable that question would be to someone who isn't.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 10, 2020

But you are afraid. Otherwise you wouldn't assume the worst alone.

You're still not getting it. There's "introductions" and there's "down the line". Simply talking about the later can lead to the former. Regardless of wherever that involves sex or not.

I do it all the time. Because, get this, IT'S AN IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BE DISCUSSED! Even with people not that into sex. In fact especially those. Because they're the people that will often ASSUME they don't enjoy things when they likely haven't even DONE enough to even know. Claiming "I like or don't this and that" without even having tried. I don't just put that line of logic behind "sex". I put it behind everything. Do you ACTUALLY know the situation? Are you AWARE of the situation? Do you have EXPERIENCE with the situation? Do your ASSUMPTIONS harm others? Is fear kicking you in the teeth and causing you to stall and waste time as you pretend to know when you have yet to actually find out?

It's VERY common for people to get into relationships and then struggle with lack of intimacy down the line because they never discussed it. There's no point wasting time. It's something that's got to be brought up. May as well do it sooner. Along with other topics. I bring up sex, sure, but I pay attention to their interests while doing so. Interest for interest. Fair is fair. And if someone is into something I don't like personally I'll still pay attention to that. Because it's not just about me alone.

Often simply TALKING about sex gets it to happen quickly. it's a topic that many people put off, keep putting off and as a result causes their relationships to suffer from lack of intimacy. Frankly, I don't have that concern. Because everyone I talk too doesn't stall or dodge the topic. Nor do I dodge any interests of theirs. Those that do dodge the topic (regardless of said topic) often find themselves in tears because they got used to putting it "on the shelf" which leads to neglect. Silence is dangerous.

You haven't asked the next stranger. You do not know that until it's found out. You will feel like an idiot if you find out you actually do like what they do. You're saying it's a waste of time BEFORE even meeting the next person. It's a negative mindset. You've already made an assumption before even letting someone introduce themselves. Find out first before making a call either way. You never know if you share the same interests/hobbies/etc until you ASK. Or otherwise find out. A TV show you don't like is one thing. But someones hobby/career can be their passion. A large part of their life. If you go up to them and go "It's a waste of time" they won't feel appreciated. You don't have to like it of course but pay attention to it regardless. Support it if they support you with your things. It's only a waste of time when someone doesn't reciprocate. Will they do that? Only one way to find out. Take the risk. Who does it first? Normally me. Because if I don't express an interest why would they? That said that interest I express is only maintained if they take an interest back. I give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. I do not assume before meeting them. Assumptions is what hurts people. And ourselves. Due to irrational fear.

You just said some people are whores after, in a previous post, you boldly stated "You don't do that". It contradicts. You're clearly aware people DO do that. What's more it doesn't have to be a bad thing. To be clear what bothers me is that you. Were. Speaking. For. Others. Acting like what they do can ONLY be a bad thing to do. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. Which is dependent on context and situation. It's not just "what" it is. It's the "How". Some people "just fuck" (without communication). Which is a turn of for me. But some people communicate while being lewd. Or rather, just before/after. Maybe during, depending. This is the second time I am saying it. It's situational. It depends. It is not what you fear alone. When you pretend otherwise it demeans those that have had a good time on introductions and been happy together. Your fear isn't an excuse to overlook that.

I don't think "just playing physically" is a good way to get to know other people if that's ALL there is either (in fact I'm even turned off if someone just wants to roleplay with me online without communication. I'm tool if you treat me like a person). But that's because people fear having those serous conversations. To that I say "tough". To that I say "We're people. We affect each other. Be aware or hurt each other." People want to have fun. But at the same time understand each other and know how you affect each other. The activity of "sex" (or any other activity where you engage with each other) can even be a good ice breaker so to speak. Talk to someone, know each other a bit. Maybe get a few key points established. But is there any reason not to have a good time right after that if they've proven they listen, be understanding and focus on you? That can happen in, like, 10 mins. If you don't beat around the bush and are upfront.

You're clearly afraid of people taking advantage and JUST focusing on sex alone. The addition of sex does not however have to subtract from getting to know each other and being understanding and enjoying other things. Even on introductions. But consider this. None sexual activities are also like sex in some ways. People want to "have their own fun" doing X or Y activity. And will want to use you to get their fix. If someone comes across as understanding and seems to pay attention to my own needs then I don't mind that at all. I can get into their things more easily because they're supporting me. If however someone avoids and evades my needs then using me for said fix would be harmful, due to neglect of my own needs. I'm a slut, sure, but I still have a conversation first. However, because of quickly understanding each other, lewd events (or getting involved in the other persons interests. Sexual and not) can happen very quickly. Sometimes people don't stall (and therefor don't waste time). Sometimes people need a bit more time to warm up before doing things. But ultimately it's dependent on ACTIONS that makes things happen. What we DO. Sometimes communication is needed first, sometimes it isn't. And sometimes (and this it the important part) some people worry needlessly (like you, to be blunt) and make excuses to stall and pretend something can only go bad. Seeing only the worst instead of considering how a situation can be positive. Which comes to the topic of "fear itself". Which is getting a bit into it. I'll not go any further beyond that. Suffice to say it's that "worrying" that wastes time. It's not overthinking and analysing that causes paralyses. It's fear. Specifically "fear itself". You get used to seeing the worst, it becomes only what you see, but what if you're wrong?

So yes. some people are whores, sluts, etc. But with all due respect please stop acting like that has to be a bad thing on an introduction. Just because you assume the worst doesn't mean it's true. Sometimes it will be of course but people can not get to know you when not doing anything sexual quite easily too. At the end of the day what matters is "This is me and my interests. This is you and your interests. Let's entertain each other." By avoiding the topic of sex you might NOT be introducing yourself. People won't want to open up to you if you don't pay attention to their interests/needs. Even if it's not your interest/need simply paying attention to others gets them to focus on your own interests/needs (or at least, people that keep things fair and want to make you happy will do that).

Didn't think I'd get that into it. But I trust your assumptions about it being "just sex" where I'm concerned are now proven to be unfounded. If not then so be it. Just don't pretend you haven't made yourself an ass looking down on me. I do not appreciate it. And find it insulting. Not just to me but others that are afraid to bring up sex on introductions too. They shouldn't have to live in fear because of YOUR fear and assumptions. When I say "your" I refer to people that fear the worst easily in general. It makes people feel like they're not allowed to talk to be frank (or otherwise will be judged if they try too). This is why I mentioned fear itself.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Sep 10, 2020

Good morning all,

My initial thoughts after reading all comments: Looking at two different elephants here.

Good job to the OP in standing up in a criminal situation, because it was. Regardless of their age, No-one should be approached in public or private and treated in the manner those girls were. Regardless of what you may be into, some stranger should never approach in the fashion mentioned and physically assault anyone (without consent).

The second element, and the point to the original post, is how do you approach someone? I’m going to make the assumption when you refer to a random person, you mean someone you absolutely don’t know or barely know (maybe have met once or twice). I concur with Miki and Feisty and add with respect. Talk it up and see if there is a spark or chemistry. Regardless of the outcome I hope or anticipate, I’m going to introduce myself and see what may occur between the two. If I get the feeling we connect, then the topic of kink may come up right away or later.

I do agree, if you think there is chemistry, approaching the topic sooner than later is necessary and let the conversation evolve. I hate to say why put effort into a budding relationship if the ultimate outcome will be “they aren’t into” half of what makes you YOU, but its the truth, so bringing it up early is good. Just don’t scare someone off by saying, “I’m a Dom. And what are you?” while waiting in line at McDonalds. Before they even know your name - unless perhaps you’re at a Munch - in which case you’re in the environment for that.

I hope this doesn’t devolve into “My way is better than yours” but if an individual cat calls you, its up to you on how you respond. You might see that person as attractive and go with it. Or you might find them repulsive and shy away. No harm no foul. But if that same stranger grabs your arm and attempts to force themself on you, they are breaking the law because you have in no way implied consent. I think that’s the point some of the other responses may have been alluding to. Their thoughts are more in line with the situation described.

In closing I would concur the offenders in the original blog were not Dominant nor Masters in any way shape or form. And the fact that they are traffickers makes absolute sense.

Again, good job on supporting and saving those young girls from predators.

LL