House Talion wrote:
Not gonna happen
Pal, I can teach someone in a few days. Story time.
Actually did it with a sub. They have an owner. They were in the mindset of "I have to always do what I'm told". As if that was all there is to being a sub. Yea, I took this as a flag.
The sub also had some issues. Opened up to me right away though. Why? Because I listen. Simple enough.
I then stated my concerns about why they risk getting walked over by their dom. Fortunately the doms partner focuses on straght answers. Helps to keep them in check.
What it basically comes down too is that I and the doms partner were the ones going "What do YOU want" when the dom was worrying their ass off. Yea yea, you're worried. But are you reminding your sub that they have a choice?
The sub thanked me, said I wasn't just using them for pleasure and stood their ground against their dom. I also know when subs show such spines that the dom has to take note of that. That the sub is being more able to look out for themselves. The sub wasn't worrying. The dom was.
... I was more dom then the dom. To be fair I have an edge having a lot of expreince on both sides and psychology. Good intentions are moot when you worry to the point of keeping someone that sheltered. I simply asked the sub "How do you overcome a fear? Any fear." And they answered with facing/confronting it. I observed how events would play out. I showed I had the big brain. When all their dom did is worry instead of trying to find solutions to problems.
That took half a week. That sub is tired of others telling her what's best. I simply stated the situation as it is and reminded her of options and her own choices.
If I wanted to be her dom (without replacing the one she already has) I know I can make that happen too. Technically that was the situation in a sense. I was helping her overcome her fear and truma. So I imagine the dom felt a bit inadequate. I'm not trying to replace anyone though. I simply focus on solutions instead of problems.
Actually having that skill/talent in the first place? Mmm... Well, life and lemons and learning the hard way over time. But once you have it, you have it. And can deal with other situations quicker.