any red flags

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 5, 2021

If you've read the profile the OP is posting from, it's a shared one - between this invisible dominant and the alfasun person. One profile professes to speak for two people on opposite sides of the slash. The initial post that reads like a hostage video must have been written by the dominant partner as a hook of some kind. At any rate, once that frequent use of "it's an adult game" started being thrown around, the whole thing really DID start sounding like a wank fantasy of some sort. Not sure why this kind of thing seems to be some fantasy for a few people while they masquerade as being a "serious player" who's now somehow offended by not being taken as seriously as they seem to take themselves. No harm, no foul though - right??

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 5, 2021

WytchyWoman​ "Hostage video" LOLOL

You can't be taken seriously if you aren't serious. This is why I write to the poster but also for others to read. Assuming those others reading the post go past the initial person writing.

Those new need a variety of views to glean from not just those with other motives.

I never responded warmly to shared profiles when each could simply share what they find in their own. But if you share a profile and each post without designation of such? Then you are not worth the trouble for any reason.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 5, 2021

So - sounds like the submissive side of this shared profile *might* be a very young woman with stars in her eyes. Some dominant types prey on very young women who openly seek the very lofty and sugary romantic fantasies expressed above. Some dominant types encourage inexperienced young women to believe that all their needs and wants can and will be met *if only* they put all reasonable thought aside and "submit" themselves to just the right man because the whole thing is "just a game to be played". It's disconcerting to those of us who are older and more experienced but it's apparent that no amount of attempted "counseling" is going to sway the submissive attached to this shared profile. It is what it is though. All the many "I *wants* in the world that we've been regaled with are likely to go unfulfilled though as long as at least ONE of the parties has stars in their eyes and treats the relationship as a game. I can and will hope for the best but expect I'll be disappointed if the end of this story ever gets told here.

Master Fyre​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2021

This right here... It's about the same as seeing shared profiles on other social media. Who does not trust whom?

If you are going to share a profile, at least articulate who is doing the writing. This in and of itself is a red flag to me. Especially in a new "dynamic" and even more so when one claims vast experience and the other is a complete novice.

Something here screams train wreck. I would be happy to be proven wrong in this aspect.

- Fyre

Re: any red flags

Master Fyre​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2021

This is a HUGE red flag. Trust is the basis of all aspects of a D/s dynamic. Saying "don't worry about disease transmission because that's my job as your Dom" is a pot of malarky. You are responsible for your health. Your health, and ultimately your life, can depend on you making reasonable and informed decisions.

Let me take this down a slightly different path than "disease transmission" for a minute and frame it in a slightly different aspect. You meet a prospective "dom" online and you "hit it off" instantly. He says all the right things. Seems to know your wants, your desires, and your 'needs' (his terms). You are all excited as this is the first time you feel "someone gets me". You talk for a couple of days and he brings up he wants to meet you and immediately show you his skill at suspension. Now at this point, you have seen photos of his "work". You express concern since many appear to involve breath play or mild positional asphyxia. In several of the photos ties, he involved a circumferential wrap on the neck. Yet when you bring this concern up he says "don't worry about being able to breathe, that's my job as your Dom".

Would you approach this scenario differently?

Now, if you have negotiated the dynamic, discussed your fears, and have developed a level of trust through both reassurances and experience with said Dom, the thought process might be different and this statement might be less of a red flag or even a non-issue. Many people will say you should trust someone until given reason not to, and in many aspects that's fine. But trust must also be earned, especially if the consequences resulting from a breach of that trust can have catastrophic effects.

Alfasun • Dec 7, 2021

A forum is a place online where people can post questions, ideas or thoughts. It's a way of starting a conversation, about something important to you, that you hope other people will engage with and respond to...any read flags ? a lot to learn .. can only thank all of you...

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 7, 2021

That's the first thing that screamed "red flag" to me. The shared profile where the initial post was clearly dictated by the dominant person. I run two Facebook groups and regularly decline any membership requests that come from shared profiles.

Master Fyre​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2021

Would you let me in with a shared profile if I claimed MPD? *said only in jest*

Unfortunately, I think online anonymity has led to an increase in G.I.F.s and allowed any random schmuck who has anger issues to masquerade as a "Dom". When confronted they often scatter like a roach when you flip on the lights.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 7, 2021

I was in on the ground floor of the old IRC chat rooms of the mid-late 90s where any old shmuck could join BDSM chatrooms and role play the One Twue Master or One Twue Slave to their heart's content. A bit of that insanity died down from the mid 2000s up until the abysmal 50 Shades shit storm hit the proverbial fan. The books and then the movies triggered an onslaught of "toe-dippers" who were convinced they were the next wave of "one twue players".

And you hit the nail on the head - a significant number of people on both sides of the slash are masquerading - those who claim to be dominants but really just want to hit someone and boss them around while having an excuse for it and then the subbies/slaves who want to dodge any responsibility for their own lives and the whole "adulting" nuisance. The impostors aren't going to go away. Never.

The shared profiles are so unnerving - I've even received a few private messages here with an obvious male name but assuring me they're the "subbie" writing to me from their "master's account" and wanting to engage me in conversation. Seriously. Who even THINKS that's a good idea? LMAO

As for my own groups, I decline shared profiles without a second thought because I run DISCUSSION groups and value independent insight and input. Anyone not functionally independent enough to have their own profile has nothing to contribute to my groups. I can be a hard ass like that.

Master Fyre​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2021

Ahh the good old days of IRC, MIRC, and the evolution to MSN and AOL. I remember those and the BBs fondly. Not quite as fondly as dos and pong. But I agree, 50SoG and some of the others have presented an altered reality and given a false representation to many.