| primerose |
2 years ago •
Jul 2, 2022
The idea of "what would you do for love" is an interesting one. Especially when there is such a wide spectrum of individual experiences in the "lifestyle". In what way have you become jaded?
Adinesidhe wrote: If the man I loved had my heart and I had his, then I could easily just walk away.
Thats not to say I wouldn't have my kinks. I would always want to be tied up and under control. Its just after almost 9 years in the lifestyle I've become pretty jaded. I figure, that if I can go this long without those desires being met, then I could go the rest of my life in a vanilla relationship. There isn't much I wouldn't change or give up for someone I love. I'm pretty darn sure I could handle my fantasies just staying fantasies in that instance. |
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Online now
| wondering |
2 years ago •
Jul 18, 2022
i gave it up for 11 years when i married a vanilla. it was horrible and after 4 years i was ready to leave. but we had 2 young children by then so i stuck it out for them. my husband was killed in a dwi accident when my kids were 10 and 11 and i stayed vanilla until they were grown and out of the house. now i've re entered the fet community and for the first time in 25 years i feel whole again. would i ever do it again for love or any other reason? no way. life is too short to live in misery.
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my Domina(dom female)
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2 years ago •
Jul 18, 2022
Re: Could you give it up? primerose wrote: Has anyone fallen in love with someone who was not in the lifestyle and did not identify as sub or dom- did you give it up? Could you?
Or did anyone discover the lifestyle while already in a long term relationship with a vanilla partner? I just wonder how many people can pick up and put down the lifestyle. Curious if people feel they can live a full life without it. Would you even try? For me, I could definitely do (edit) occasional bedroom only. But I feel i may be the exception to the rule. Yes, I could give it up for the right person who's really in love with me. I know it'd sound weird to many but still. Though I'm naturally dominant in my life(most of the time unconsciously) and it's a part of my personality but BDSM isn't something that I can't live without. So, I believe I'd have no problem to give it up. |
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Miki(masochist female)
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2 years ago •
Jul 18, 2022
I posted earlier but the convo hath wandered:
Hypothetically speaking and noting from what I have observed: Does your prospectie partner care about how you feel "Today" "Last Night" or "This Week".. Oh the choices..... My humble advice: "Stick with the partner who honestly gives a flying fuck about you as a human being. Everything below that.. "Doth not Matter" |
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SAXMANIAC(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Jul 19, 2022
My Dom and I have been in a relationship for a very long time. For most of the time it was vanilla. Before discovering BDSM we denied that part of ourselves; he is naturally dominant in his every day life and I am naturally submissive. The Dom/Sub thing isn't a kink for us, it's is literally who we are...with whips and handcuffs. 🙂 We have since developed a level of intimacy and ( most importantly) TRUST that we may not have found before embracing this lifestyle. I cannot imagine my life without my Dom, but if, God forbid, we found ourselves no longer together, I could not embrace a relationship where I had to deny my true self. He is my Dom and I am his Sub 24/7. I couldn't give it up anymore than I could give up breathing.
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Bunnie
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2 years ago •
Jul 19, 2022
I’ve been brewing this over in the back of my mind since first reading it. “Could I give up this way of life?”
Then something occurred to me. You’re assuming that we all measure ourselves by vanilla standards, and that there’s a choice. This way of life isn’t something I holiday in… this is it for me. This is how I relationship. This is how I live. All encompassing. If I were to “give this up,” it would mean that I would be choosing a path of walking in isolation (which actually wouldn’t be that difficult for me lol)… not “going back” to vanilla-land, because I only “vanilla-d” trying to fit myself into a mould I thought was the only option. It’s not my normal… nor is it the scope by which I measure things. This way of life *is* my normal. So I tend to struggle to understand how people believe they can pick and choose between these ways of life, and the only conclusion I can come to is looking at it as being like weekend holidaying for some. If that’s the case, sure, of course you can choose which you’d *prefer*. For some though, that is not a luxury we have. This is it. In the context of how it might look to the outside world, if I were with my Master and our life became more toned down due to health or age, that would make no difference to me. I will serve Him until the day either of us dies, regardless of how that looks. |
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aceaceace(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Aug 11, 2022
Well, I thought I could.
But there's only so long that a person can live unhappily; Because the unhappiness and discomfort will set in eventually, it's inevitable. And now I'm divorced and it's taken a LONG time to recover and come back to myself. |
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ZackFrak
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2 years ago •
Aug 15, 2022
I could give it up for a vanilla partner at first. But, I'll always try to work on getting her to admit her inner most fantasies and dragging her into it. I've done it in two long-term relationships and it was a wonderful journey. That said, I'd like to think I could give it up for the right person, but it would be like giving up blowjobs. I think it would be problem down the line. I'm just getting back into dating right now and it's a serious question I have to ask myself with each new person I meet. At least from the traditional dating sites.
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