Is there such a thing as punishments for Dominants?

MasterDomDok​(sadist male){you?} • Dec 7, 2022

In my youth, I was an avid fan of the early bondage magazines, and the one I most enjoyed carried this page in each issue stating that a willing submissive lady was worth her weight in gold. These days, we ought to inflate that to "worth her weight in uranium" they are so hard to track down. When I fail to hold my temper, and don't get the session to work to her specifications, or even overstep out of her boundaries, I would pray she gets outraged enough to get my attention. It makes one doubt the effectiveness of safewords; they have failed to help me. Looks like I don't know how. Those ladies no longer communicate with me. I have all but ceased working on finding a new one.

Oberartz • Dec 8, 2022

I have read a few answers to this question stating the need to separate sexual punishments from real life relationship.
First of all the truest form of the lifestyle is not just sexual activity. Its about training the mind of your partner as well as expanding your own knowledge. Secondly anyone who punishes their partner in anger because something went wrong needs to step away from the lifestyle. Thirdly the submissive has every right to stop any form of play or training if the dominant gets out of line in any way, crosses the set boundaries or goes against any hard limits.

ClassySas​(other agender){N/A} • Dec 11, 2022

"Punishment" is a relative term and can mean many things to people.

I would say if you're in a dynamic with another switch then there can be punishments given/received by both parties if previously negotiated. To decide to up and change the boundaries set in place from the beginning would lead me to question whether or not the dynamic is serving your best interests.

For me personally, a dominant that I choose and that has found me worthy will have my best interest at heart. Meaning they will guide me, direct me, control me to my own betterment. This includes physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc. A true DOM is wiser than I. Thus even if I don't like it or understand what they are doing it is and will be the best for me and my overall health.

In past dynamics when I have wanted to "punish" my DOM for something it was because consent was violated, not a true dominant, and/or I was lied to. I fought back of course and it only caused more problems. I've left most of those dynamics and one left me (a true blessing in disguise). ALL were unhealthy for me.

I would suggest to anyone thinking that their DOM needs to be punished to look within. Do some "soul" searching to find out several things. First should be if consent violations, lying, etc. have occurred. If so.... how much do you value yourself? To stay or go.... The more you value yourself the higher quality (AKA the quality you want/desire) will show up to stay and the boys/girls pretending to by dominant will fall away.

Next I would question myself about my current needs and wants to find out the current role one plays in kink. For those change over time as we grow. Kink if done in an honest, respectful, pure way will show you the truth of whom you are. Often enough people are not the roles they originally thought in the beginning of their kink journey. I myself thought I was a top of sorts and just sexually. I'm positively smashingly a 24/7 subbie. What type I'm still figuring out.

Once the current role, needs, wants, etc. is figured out then I believe it would be best to evaluate if their current partner can meet those. This should be done through questioning oneself and open honest communication with the DOM. If a subbie has to compromise to stay is it worth it? How much do you value yourself? To stay or go....

Another question is, are they actually a DOM? I find that most are not. I'm also on FetLIfe and that place is a joke. At least on here there are some true DOMs. It takes time to wade through the bullshit, value yourself, and to learn the red flags. It does come though if you choose so. Through one's own experiences, reading, educating yourself, and the sharing of others experiences.

It's also okay if you end up with a narcissistic gas-ighting piece of shit using this lifestyle to abuse/take advantage of others in some way or another. It doesn't make one less of a subbie. Just a human who dared to take a chance for happiness. So many live in fear and don't.

No matter what there should be open, honest, respectful communication with yourself and the other party involved. Group discussions, forum posts, personal emails, and such won't solve the issue. It can help clarify things and/or muddy the waters. Ultimately the dynamic participants choose the rules, boundaries, etc. in the beginning. Thus these individuals will or won't solve the issues as a team.

I'mME • Jan 9, 2023

CharBunny,
Self-inflicted punishment can indeed be enough for subs as well. L

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 14, 2023

Yes there are.
Primarily the D type being left.
The s type emotionally withdraws
An erosion of trust

The dynamic being stopped or redefined.

One must remember the D type may know the destination- but the s type drives the bus.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Jan 15, 2023

There are some kink communities that have both discussion groups and mentorship programs where folks on both sides of the slash can go to ask questions, get help, and - if the so choose - hold themselves accountable for transgressions. However, there's no way to police that. If the dominant doesn't want to be held accountable for what they've done and discuss alternatives with others they may respect, well ... they won't.

So, yeah, the only other "punishment" I can think of is the person on the right side of the slash voting with their feet. Given that it could save them pain, injury, and abuse in the future, depending on the transgression it should probably be simultaneously the first and final option.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2023

I’ve been monitoring this discussion and choosing my words as it has evolved. I think at heart, what is the intention of the punishment matters. In most cases, through the power exchange, it is used to help establish an improved pattern of behavior or correct a negative behavior as determined within the confines of the dynamic. That being the case, the Dominant is assisting the submissive in a path they both determine is correct. (Ie. Eat your vegetables because it is healthy or you get time out 😣). But that is within the confines of the agreed upon dynamic and relationship. Both partners give each other a safe space to be themselves.

Based upon a great many things, the Dominant can be held accountable for their actions or lack thereof and should be. But typically there isn’t a punishment attached. The Dynamic itself should hold the Dominant accountable. Which might mean the end of the dynamic if the affront is serious enough or constant with no attempt at improvement. It’s not like you put the Dominant in time out. That erodes the power exchange and I doubt any submissive would desire that. (Note, this is specific to true Dominant and submissive dynamics - not in any way shape or form referring to switches).

But again, each dynamic is definably different. So . . . You do you. If within “your” dynamic you decide that Dominants are susceptible to punishment, go for it.

On a separate note, I saw a question from SBD above regarding the use of terms. I concur with SBD. Words have meaning. We use Dominant and submissive in our community specifically. And Domineering and subservient do have more negative connotations in society and specifically here. I concur that we don’t want to sidetrack this discussion, but it was brought up above so I will add my thoughts. If need be, we can open another Forum post for the discussion of terms. Have a great day!