Obedience

lambsone • Dec 5, 2024

@Sincorrigible

Thanks for sharing some practical examples.

I have mentioned to several in this thread to only share what's not too personal. I don't expect to hear intimate details, just some practical general commands and expectations.

The reason I am asking some for more responses is to help them pinpoint what it is that they hope their sub will obey them in.

Several responses seem philosophical, or vague in nature to me when specific actions are what I am looking for. I'm not sure if that's what actually came across to others in the original question.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){95%} • Dec 5, 2024

The first thing he had me do was a morning, noon, and night ritual of kneeling for 15 minutes when I woke up before going to the restroom, then 15 minutes of edging, saying good morning first thing, and at noon it was standing attention and at night the same as morning and he’s my last contact of the day. For about the first six months he’d spend the last hour of the day edging me and telling me when to cum. All that was fine while I was in college /working part time and had more flexibility but now we just make sure I do first and last contact.

Things I declined: Scratching his initials on my thigh every day so it becomes permanent, nope that’s only something a full owner gets (he did say he was testing me there and was glad to see I knew that was inappropriate). I declined to put read receipts on my texts, I declined absolute orgasm control, I declined having a live feed camera in my bedroom, I declined allowing location sharing, I declined ceasing control of my free time, and a few other things I can’t remember. Of course, all of those things are things now.

There are many things that we are saving for when we live together which is approximately 3-5 months from now. So I enjoy the freedom I have for now (such as being here when I want to be, or having the right to turn off the camera, talking to who I want when I want and so on). This is why I have 95% on my profile, we aren’t at all the things yet.

lambsone • Dec 5, 2024

@Sincorrigeable

Very cool! And I think you are right to hold back some things. It seems practical to me when not owned 100%.

We used to have a saying something like: you don't get the milk before you buy the cow. I can't remember the actual wording but it basically means that a person can't have all the benefits of something and then walk away without taking responsibility for the consequences. Originally I think it was in reference to men taking a woman's virginity and then not making it permanent. Maybe the older people here can help me out and remember exactly what it refers to.

Anyway, it sounds like you and your Daddy are on a good path together.

Cello Trance{for You} • Dec 5, 2024

My needs? My needs are to have a deep spiritual connection with the person that I'm with. That's pretty much it. I am probably the least High protocol Dom in the universe. I don't have a strict set of rules that I follow and that must be obeyed. It ain't my style. If somebody wants to be with me and I wanna be with them and we have a deep connection and bond, that's all I need. Everything else flows from that. During trance, if I'm not with them physically, I can help them with what they need not only sexually, but With any struggles, they are having in their life, whether it's job related, diet, exercise, emotional distress… As a daddy Dom, that's what gives me the greatest pleasure is to help someone. I'm sorry I don't have specifics for you, but again, I just don't operate that way. I'm not high protocol. I know some people are extreme type A people. Me? I'm all the way down to type Z

TwinkleEyes{N/A} • Dec 5, 2024

“I have encountered guys messaging in the first instance, saying I will obey them, bla bla bla. I think it is funny these days . For me, it's not practical. I have done exactly what as been asked of me, lots of times when in person connections. “

I recently met with a sadist/abuser who called himself a Daddy Dom. Within 1 day he expected me to obey his commands and to accept his sadism as if I was his. He started ordering me around without any agreement to do so. When I said no and stop that he would tell me to “fuck off” or say “you little bitch” along with something about topping from the bottom. Even though our agreement had always been friends with a side of Sadist/masochist play. No guarantee of sexual play and/or servitude.

On the 3rd morning I told him to leave. We agreed a couple of hours later for him to stay with the agreement that all he ever would be to me is a friend. Over the next 13 days he tried to manipulate me into a dynamic of his building, was abusive, passive aggressive, lied, manipulated, and became extremely gas lightening towards me. The more I stood my ground, honored my boundaries, and said no the worse his alcoholism and verbal/emotional abuse got.

On day 16 he unconsensually physically put his hands on me at a casino in a controlling violent way. The security guard who saw the event walked me to the bathroom and kept asking me if I would be okay. I drove this narcissistic, alcoholic, abuser back to my place told him to pack his shit and leave. I graciously drove him to a hotel because he was in no state to be out wandering the streets in an unfamiliar place.

Re: Obedience

TwinkleEyes{N/A} • Dec 5, 2024

“When you ask for obedience, what are you actually expecting from a submissive? How do you see it playing out in a practical way in your relationship? Is it behavior related? Mindset related? Characteristic related? What is it for you?”

Very good question Lambs. Though, I don’t think there is a clear answer here. It’s important to discuss these things in detail before one meets another. And that it is continually talked about throughout the dynamic as things change. Unless of course there is an agreement for CNC. Dominance itself is a subjective term.

I have found that so-called D types that talk about control and try to assert their control without consent are usually abusive individuals who are pretending to be dominant and/or a sadist. Frank Herbert put in one of his books that “ true confidence is silent and invisible, for it has nothing to prove”. I feel this is the same for true dominance. Those who are truly dominant need not shout it from the rooftops, demand submission, or manipulate someone into a dynamic. They will exude their dominance and people will follow without being asked to.

May you find the answers you are seeking.

lambsone • Dec 5, 2024

@Cello Trance

To be honest I did get the impression that you were more laid back than other Dominants but had to ask anyway just to be sure I was reading you right.

lambsone • Dec 5, 2024

@TwinkleEyes

What a creep he is. I for one appreciate you sharing the truth about this preditor who pretends to be a genuine Dominant. You went through a lot in the time he was there with you.

From just friends to controlling preditor is a leap he shouldn't have made as you already figured out. I won't be taking anything seriously that he says anymore, as I doubt he really wanted to be a better man in the first place.

Cello Trance{for You} • Dec 5, 2024

You were reading me like the comic book that I am

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Dec 5, 2024

[quote="TwinkleEyes"]“I have encountered guys messaging in the first instance, saying I will obey them, bla bla bla. I think it is funny these days . For me, it's not practical. I have done exactly what as been asked of me, lots of times when in person connections. “

I recently met with a sadist/abuser who called himself a Daddy Dom. Within 1 day he expected me to obey his commands and to accept his sadism as if I was his. He started ordering me around without any agreement to do so. When I said no and stop that he would tell me to “fuck off” or say “you little bitch” along with something about topping from the bottom. Even though our agreement had always been friends with a side of Sadist/masochist play. No guarantee of sexual play and/or servitude.

On the 3rd morning I told him to leave. We agreed a couple of hours later for him to stay with the agreement that all he ever would be to me is a friend. Over the next 13 days he tried to manipulate me into a dynamic of his building, was abusive, passive aggressive, lied, manipulated, and became extremely gas lightening towards me. The more I stood my ground, honored my boundaries, and said no the worse his alcoholism and verbal/emotional abuse got.

On day 16 he unconsensually physically put his hands on me at a casino in a controlling violent way. The security guard who saw the event walked me to the bathroom and kept asking me if I would be okay. I drove this narcissistic, alcoholic, abuser back to my place told him to pack his shit and leave. I graciously drove him to a hotel because he was in no state to be out wandering the streets in an unfamiliar place.[/quote


We encounters go wrong, we do what is necessary to protect ourselves against things that are harmful to us