Did I misread my Dom?

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2021

I think all the advise above is very good, thought provoking and also shows you may need to do some honest soul searching with yourself. My question to you is once done, What exactly will change? What will enhance your life by having a committed relationship.

It sounds to me like you are already committed to each other, just not in a traditional way. Love and feeling love is not exclusive, nor should it be, to someone saying, 'I DO'. Does his willingness to make you his one and only make the feelings better or worse for you, or due to your history make you worried every time he looks at someone else? (is this why I get approached from so many married men? oops, topic for another day) lol

My view is, I could see him as a man who cares, respects, and in his way, loves you. 3 years is no walk in the park, but who also needs his space. He is honest with you from the start, caring enough not to lie to you. He shows how much he cares in those changes of affection being increased. And how many partners that you know of, have a history like yours ? I can also see him as being selfish of his needs. But I don't know either of you so who am I to give you more than an opinion.

I get the Cinderella, true love idea, we grow up believing in, and deep down is that what you really need?
Only you can answer that. who knows you may find that in time with someone else. Do you need to sever the friendship in order to find that, especially when you have the freedom and ability to find it? Will being alone help you find it sooner?

Sometimes I wonder that the fluidity of this alternate lifestyle is morphing into the traditional one. That's just my opinion btw, 24/7 is not my thing. There is no wrong or right way for a relationship to work, there is only a right or wrong way it works for YOU.

No Body​(dom male) • Dec 12, 2021

This may not be just me, but I have given friends jewelry before. I have been shopping seen something and knew it was just what she needed or would like. Nothing more to it than that.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 12, 2021

i just read through this thread, and see others are still reading and discussing.
i may have missed it, but something that seems key to me is missing from the beginning.

The OP states: "He was upfront when we started that he didn't want anything more than a casual/fwb."

To me what is missing is a discussion, explanation and understanding of why this is what he wanted? At the time of the breakup, the question was asked without a response.

my read is in both cases is: "the Dom" revealed something about himself, that there is a part of him he is unwilling to share with you. It seems to me that from the beginning to the end of the relationship, he only offered a portion of himself to you, a fragment. Seems like a fuck buddy.

And i get it, i have developed feelings on several occasions with fuck buddies, i'm practically used to it by now lol, sigh.

i'm a romantic and ltr oriented. i have also come to realize i am more self aware and desirous of openness and vulnerability (read: "complete") than most of the guys i encounter. i want to talk about everything, get to know every last detail about each other, to me that is what intimate relationship is. i run into guys who are either not very self aware or simply do not want to be vulnerable. Not talking wearing the heart on the proverbial sleeve for everyone, i'm talking intimate relationship.

To me, it's a rare person who desires, who is capable of complete vulnerability and willing to take the ongoing risks and investment of sharing their heart with another. i've met more than a few who want if from a partner, but do not want to reciprocate.