I'mME
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2 years ago •
Aug 25, 2022
Sweet Ginger wrote: A lot of the feedback already mentioned is good, sound advice. Also, go slowly....talk to people but don't assume every Dom that lands in you mailbox is going to be the one. Maybe just as important, you'll have some friends who you trust to bounce ideas and or concerns with.. Talk to people, where all people first before titles and labels. See if not only your a good fit for him but is he a good fit for you. Do you trust this person? Are there any inconsistencies??? Go with your gut feelings. This all takes time to figure out....Think of people you talk with as friends first, thats the foundation of any good, healthy relationship and if something develops down the road , well then you have the best of both worlds. Best of luck.
Great sound advice..... Gut.... |
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Online now
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I'mME
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2 years ago •
Aug 25, 2022
Re: Your Thoughts Count! LatexHer wrote: Geesh - how many times in the last 45 yrs have I heard similar stories from women!
A respectful Dominant man is not just after your tail, we are out there on the Internet! ladies do some homework, ask questions , ask his friends and acquaintances. Is he a real man or just a bed jumper looking of a quick piece, even married perhaps? These days most people have an internet presence which can be verified by just a bit of ingenuity. I remain appalled by just how many of you wonderful ladies have been hurt by some of these encounters leaving you heartbroken or even a victim of assault, or worse! I urge all you loving sub missives and slaves to do some exploratory research on any man of interest, a background and even a credit check today are CHEAP ways to protect your ASSets! Life today offers so much better ways to find a safe and secure person to explore your needs and fantasies with then it did when I became involved in tour D/s community over 45 yrs ago. Back then we had to worry about the law, postal inspectors, even the police if we were seen having a handcuffed /bound woman in our vehicle. We didn't have the security of black-out windows, which now hide the fun and games inside. Today, you can walk a girl on a leash in public areas (which may raise an eyebrow) but most people would just look and chuckle! Life is Short - enjoy every day as it is your last, as one day it will be! Please list out some ways that people can check people out before they waste time in chatting online. |
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I'mME
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2 years ago •
Aug 25, 2022
cherilynn wrote: I, too, am so sorry that you had to go through that experience. It is so painful to meet a person who we believe understands us and our needs like no other just to be disgarded like a worn out pair of shoes. I know because I have been there. Please know it isn't your fault.
Bunnie and Subtlehush nailed it. Let me encourage you to read their posts again, thoughtfully and carefully. Also, let me encourage you to set the search for a dom on the back burner for now. Take your time and get to know you first. You have only had a small taste of what BDSM is and it encompasses so much. You may not be submissive and that's OK. You may fit in elsewhere but until you know that, the chances of finding what you seek are slim to none. Lastly, but certainly not least, don't give up on your journey. You were so brave to take the first steps and there are wonderful people and experiences in your future. I wish you well โค๏ธ Ditto everything you wrote. |
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Sweetn'curiousvixen(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Aug 30, 2022
Oh you poor thing! I've been there and I know just how awful it feels, but the best I can tell you is that you got this! Get to know the man first, tell him exactly what you want and if he doesn't like it then he can fudge off, and don't lose hope.
Also I would recommend doing research and keep asking questions about the LS, so you dont get fooled again. ๐ด๐๐ ๐กโ๐ ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ก๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐ โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข๐ ๐ท๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐ค๐๐๐ก ๐ก๐ ๐ก๐๐๐, ๐๐ฆ ๐ท๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ค๐๐ฆ๐ ๐๐๐๐โก๏ธ |
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Sugarmina(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Aug 30, 2022
This is so well-written and so beautifully said. I am so grateful that I have a chance to read this post. Thank you!
redpoll wrote: "You have to understand, my nature isn't submissive."
I just want to stop by and make this point. Being submissive doesn't mean surrendering yourself to emotional manipulation and bullshit. This man didn't honor you, and any submissive would have every right to feel angry and betrayed. The fact that you found pleasure in surrender, in challenging yourself, in pleasing another, that's what makes you submissive. That shouldn't come at the cost of you being a strong, independent woman who doesn't put up with shit. The right Dom will empower that side of you, not neglect or betray it. As far as finding the right Dom - a Dom should serve you as much as you serve him, put you first just as you put him first want to please you just as you want to please him, want to make you better just as you want to support him in bettering himself. He should be educated in the lifestyle, thoughtful, respectful, intentional and careful. But, most importantly, push aside the Dom part. All great dynamics are formed by great companions, and if he doesn't make a great vanilla date, if he doesn't connect with you and bring you joy and fulfillment just through being a fellow human with you, he isn't going to make a great Dominant. This is about companionship, friendship, kindredship, intimacy and connection, just as anything else. Make sure he overpowers your mind through your heart before you surrender your body to him. Make sure you spend a couple hours laughing. Make sure he's willing to fully and authentically engage in all the unkinky, normal, pedestrian things first. Make him be patient for you. And, in time, when you know you will be honored, and you know you have a friend, get on your knees for him, get on your knees for him then. |
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I'mME
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2 years ago •
Aug 30, 2022
Sugarmina wrote: This is so well-written and so beautifully said. I am so grateful that I have a chance to read this post. Thank you!
redpoll wrote: "You have to understand, my nature isn't submissive."
I just want to stop by and make this point. Being submissive doesn't mean surrendering yourself to emotional manipulation and bullshit. This man didn't honor you, and any submissive would have every right to feel angry and betrayed. The fact that you found pleasure in surrender, in challenging yourself, in pleasing another, that's what makes you submissive. That shouldn't come at the cost of you being a strong, independent woman who doesn't put up with shit. The right Dom will empower that side of you, not neglect or betray it. As far as finding the right Dom - a Dom should serve you as much as you serve him, put you first just as you put him first want to please you just as you want to please him, want to make you better just as you want to support him in bettering himself. He should be educated in the lifestyle, thoughtful, respectful, intentional and careful. But, most importantly, push aside the Dom part. All great dynamics are formed by great companions, and if he doesn't make a great vanilla date, if he doesn't connect with you and bring you joy and fulfillment just through being a fellow human with you, he isn't going to make a great Dominant. This is about companionship, friendship, kindredship, intimacy and connection, just as anything else. Make sure he overpowers your mind through your heart before you surrender your body to him. Make sure you spend a couple hours laughing. Make sure he's willing to fully and authentically engage in all the unkinky, normal, pedestrian things first. Make him be patient for you. And, in time, when you know you will be honored, and you know you have a friend, get on your knees for him, get on your knees for him then. Redpoll, Although I already know the information you wrote about in your post, it's just what I needed at this very moment in time, thank you. |
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darlingdiana(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Sep 1, 2022
Dear FlavaVigaro,
Firstly, i am so sorry for this new experience. He may have been in a not great situation or position in life. He also seems to have taken from the candy jar without actually asking or owning the candy jar. He may have wanted a new dynamic or not ? Then drew out all of the insecurities and horrible behaviors we regret as submissive's and they may not have had that intention at all. I think it is left confusing because sometimes we can be so excited to encounter an "immediate" connection and want to believe its a match. This is GREAT! however, without the history (time spent) of SLOWLY and patiently getting to know Him as a person, about His life, each others behaviors, mannerisms, and ensuring contact has made it to the next level. You cannot truly serve Him and Him truly Dominate or Own you. Then wait, and ensure All of His words are congruent with time frames and HIS actions. Congruent in what He says IS what He does. It always feels "right" in your tummy when someone is truly connected, committed to and investing in you. Your tummy will always lead you! In turn, you will have no questions of "who" you are following or where they are leading...(yes that bliss you are holding out for!) The beauty about being a free submissive is you may choose and ask all the questions you please! It is your special gift and you have EVERY right to protect that for the person you wish to, someone you decide has earned your submission and deserves it. i always say....patterns, consistency, and commitment- can not be hidden, avoided or used as a shield . You must sniff Him out carefully as He Will be sniffing you, even if for a "short cut". Make boundaries, be PROUD. You should be a coveted sub and for now perhaps brushing up your favorite submissive parts and learning all you can here at the Cage will only help you be the best version of what you are. Wishing you so much luck and guidance! Remember, helping hands in the community- you will recognize, "hungry helpers" whom rush before the foundation is laid to take a "bite:- are not for most of us. It sounds this applies to you also. Think of it as "being exactly what i want to be while growing into submission and having exactly what i want and need in DOM, is the Sweetest Search and chalice of life!" Perfection (unfortunately) cannot be rushed or immediate gratification. (boooo!) lol If play and experience is a must have now- i agree, the dungeons with trained professionals, and a safe place is best to experience soloey the "scene" aspect. There are also personal ads on the Cage. i wanted this once upon a time. You may find as i did, that it becomes more important to give that special gift to whom you are waiting this whole time;) on your preference, personal choice, your expectations and value of your own worth <3. Another "freedom" benefit! Side Note- when you are "found" it will be impossible to say no!) Wishing you safe adventures, beginnings, a beautiful wander and educated view of the Cage, until that one day you "see" HIM and visa versa! Until then the Cage is a wonderful outlet for like minded people and sense of family/community. This CERTINLY aids in the "lady in wait at the top of the tower syndrome!)  As well as keeps us connected and strong during the post pandemic- we all need!
Welcome to the "framily" and thank you so kindly for sharing! Warmly, darlingdiana |
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| msfergy{Unsure} |
2 years ago •
Sep 16, 2022
I have just read your post after joining today. Its word for word just like my situation.
Newbie, met someone , felt real connection, felt like coming home then boom! Evasive, flakey. Sat through a punishment of been ignored even though I was telling him was bad for MH due to previously used as a weapon in a DV relationship. Once over became even more evasive and non responsive. So I requested a time out to put my thoughts back in order. Was ok'd and then blocked. Lesson learned. |
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I'mME
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2 years ago •
Sep 16, 2022
msfergy,
I often wonder at supposed grown ups who use the block button when they are the ones who contacted a person first. Someone who employes silence against another person is not a person who understands communication. I see people try to justify using silence and I do not care if they are the grand poobah of Masters, Kings, whatever. It is 100% wrong, and I'm sure someone somewhere on this site, will say [if only in their head] that I am wrong. It erodes any kind of trust. Do you know why it affects your mental health? Because it activates the receptors in our head that physical pain activate. It has the ability to affect our BP, cortisol levels, and all the other things that these can occur in concert with. I will never ever stop speaking out against Doms using imposing silence upon a sub. For that matter noone should use silent treatment against anyone . It is a sign of BPD. If y'all were in the same physical proximity, and tempers/emotions were high, of course separate and let those things subside. It can be the same online, phone calls. Subs can and do get angry, and ira okay to excuse yourself, put it in negotiations if needed. But to just go dark, don't ever let someone [I do not care what title they give themselves, it does not make it so] A Dom worth their weight and has experience would never use a silent treatment punishment. How long were you talking to this creature? Yes, It is like that today. I see so much of this type thing. S-types, what the hell gives with anyone on either side of the slash giving out this type of crap and anyone taking it... GEEZUS if it's like this in the beginning, what is doen thr road. I know about the frenzy that can come over us, and truth be told, Doms get a frenzy too. So treat yourself like a Queen. Do not accept that bullshit from anyone. |
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| msfergy{Unsure} |
2 years ago •
Sep 17, 2022
Around 10 weeks, feel like been love bombed. All the right things said and then whoosh left hanging
But it's left a hole now... a life I really want and no idea where to go... or what to watch out for. |
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