Length of dynamics

AngelAtHisMercy​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

My first Master and i were together for 18 years, my next was 6 years, I have been in the lifestyle for 24 years, you do the math. Yes, at times there have been simple nights out to play but for a dynamic, mine have always been long term. I take this lifestyle as seriously as i do marriage. My collar is my wedding ring and there is no ending it without good reason on either side.

FullLife​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

Thats awesome, you one of the lucky ones.. Not all relationships go that way.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

NewbieReasearch said:

"Communication works only so much. If there is no understanding behind the communication you can talk till you blue in the face and still not get a lasting relationship."



I agree. Communication has many components:

Knowing yourself - introspection, inner integration, awareness of your nature and what triggers you ( wounds)
Understanding - acquiring the tools to recognize, process and work through triggers
Integration - the actual work of application. Talking, *compassionate listening.


Talking is never going to be enough.


Working with our wounds only happens if we have identified them. It is not our job to work around others wounds but in a healthy relationship we own our own and allow space for the other to work through theirs. Both aware.

This is why finding someone who is self- aware was a priority for me. If someone doesn't recognize a reaction within themselves it is then projected onto others. Blame is not a fun game.

Also the push-pull relationship dynamic your mentioning is only one type. I don't think it is archetype. ( but I am not an expert)

I'm jumbling around a bit but your question was to length of dynamic correct?
So my perspective is that long term relationships do not equal healthy relationships. Sick, twisted and toxic connections can last a lifetime. It irks me when people clap and celebrate a long term relationship when they have not a clue what goes on behind closed doors. Smiles can hide many things.

Focusing on the length might set yourself up for compromising your values or your health.

Are you also inquiring about quality of a dynamic?

AngelAtHisMercy​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

i love "talking is never enough" and "are you also asking about the quality of the dynamic"! Two very very good phrases, IMHO. First, talking IS never enough, it takes talk and action to make any relationship work, on both sides. The quality of the dynamic is also important because, sure, i had six years with my last long relationship and three of those years were terrible. i spent most of them trying to save the relationship even as i watched it sink like the Titanic.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

. "i spent most of them trying to save the relationship even as i watched it sink like the Titanic."

So sorry to hear. I hope you find the gift within the mud. <3

AngelAtHisMercy​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2021

i have recently found my gift in the ruins, thank You!

Sasa​(dom female) • Jun 8, 2021

There is a lost art, it is called vetting process and it's helpful if we want long, mostly happy relationships. It takes time... but in my case I have time and I love myself enough to use it. I think staying together is often the decision to make it work. Of course it needs two but it is not so difficult.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Sep 23, 2021

It will seriously depend on how long you want it to be. In my case, I aim for a long-term one. Long-term means, years. Not just months. The key to this is finding someone who's on the same page as you.