What do you think of people that do not read profiles?

Solace(dom male)

1 year ago • Jun 20, 2023

Sweetlydepraved,

I believe the reference to chapters is my fault not your own. I have encountered egregiously long profiles on here and their girth was sufficient for at least some medium novels. Doubt as you may.

Regardless, it really doesn't matter how long ones profile is. A message's success rate is around 4% and that is a lot of cupids arrows a writer must let fly for a response. Not a dialog, a reply. Even if all profiles were a 2 minutes read, that's nearly an hours worth of reading across 25 profiles for what could be a rejection letter. There is a common fallacy of quality over quantity which enters here and is untrue because by now we should have all heard of the flood of messages ladies get combined with the number left unread. The greatest love letter of all time painstakingly crafted over the space of days could be left sitting on unread in someones inbox right here, and right now.

So how do people feel about not having their profiles read? Something they painstakingly worked on? They don't like it. They shouldn't like it. Its unpleasant no matter how that cold meal is carved and served. Just like many message writers have learned, that their well crafted and researched introduction letter was not worth the effort. Similar to how members on this thread have found their profile not worth it.

It boils down to this. Fish with shiny/flashy economical bait, and be caught by what catches the detail your eyes are looking for.

Sweetlydepraved(masochist female){I Guess }

1 year ago • Jun 20, 2023

Unfortunately, most profiles aren’t painstakingly written. I clicked on once of the offender’s and it was one huge paragraph with no punctuation, misspelled words, and incomplete sentences. It’s little wonder why no one reads it, I’d rather gouge my eyes out.

Sweetlydepraved(masochist female){I Guess }

1 year ago • Jun 20, 2023

Sweetlydepraved wrote:

Well once of the vs one of the while I’m talking about poor grammar is funny. It happens, but the thing is once or even twice can be looked past, but every other sentence is painful.

Notely

1 year ago • Jun 20, 2023

i am looking wrote:

I apologize I put the pipe away I just need to tell you that I’m going to have to go to court because I’m being evicted and it’s I have to go today or tomorrow max.

You seriously need to get help Counseling/Therapy. You can not force someone to be with you. But you need to stop emailing me and whoever else stops forcing things this is not how the lifestyle works. Just because you are in a bind in desperation you need to take responsibility for yourself, get your own life secure, know one can fix your life only you can. You need to really grow as a person. Know one is your mommy you need to grow with face the things in life. Go to church or work force. But you crossed the line you are blocked on ignore last message end of story. Also if you keep breaking people respect others will block also and the Mods here can deal with you good bye forever. You keep it up people going to ignore you the Mods can put you time out gone from here.

littledarlingkitten(sub female)

1 year ago • Jun 21, 2023

I consider it lazy. I wrote my profile for a reason.

I did encounter a different phenomenon though. When I first started here a couple of days ago, I didn't have a profile. It takes time to write. And within the first 15 minutes, 4 men had messaged me claiming to have read my profile and that we have a lot in common. When I called them on it after my profile was up, they all told me I was lying. Which got them ignored.

Why are men?

RiverWolf(masochist female)

1 year ago • Jun 21, 2023

So I'm going to say a few things.

1. Trying to force a person to be with you is a form of abuse which isn't BDSM.
2. Name calling gets you no where at all.
3. The issue has been addressed so please drop it.
4. Ignoring unwanted words on a screen is best and the right thing was done and I really hope your time here gets better.
5. My limits section literally says everything right now and I still get a random message from time to time.
6. This post is directed towards 4 different people so yeah.
7. Just breathe and move forward. I've posted a few blogs today that I think would help all of you. They did me.

tallslenderguy(other male)

1 year ago • Jun 21, 2023

Sweetlydepraved wrote:

tallslenderguy wrote:

A nod towards Sweetlydepraved's point about "haughtiness." my experience with those who do not read profiles is/has been primarily with scammers, so my frustration probably bleeds over and some of my expressed views on the topic more general than they should be. Apologies for that, i do not want to be haughty.

That said, i do not think the comparison of online to IRL is apples to apples. i do not see online as comparable to being at a bar. To me, it's more like applying for a position and the profile is a resume' of sorts. What motivates us to "interview" a person? Online the written word is often a factor that is not necessary IRL. What attracts us to a person and motivates us to attempt to engage with them? Much of communication is non verbal, we respond consciously and unconsciously to visual and non-verbal cues. IRL, when a person is literally in front of us, those aspects are alive and animated. In a profile, if there is an actual picture of the person, it's a frozen moment in time, so it does not convey what an animated, living person does. There's no verbal or tonal cues, no coy or suggestive looks or expressions we can see as a reaction to us approaching them. To me a profile cannot compare with IRL, lacking the visual and tonal cues. Using a profile, i think we have to put even more effort if we want to have a similar effect at attracting another. I.e., trying to put some tone and cues into the written word and the pictures we present.

i see a profile is an attempt to present a tiny slice of our self for others to respond to, and without one, it seems we are 'virtually' invisible.

Also, if we're going to be real and honest here, when was the last time any of us saw or read a profile that was as long as a chapter in a book lol? i just finished reading a book series. There were 14 books with an average of 700 pages per book, and the chapters were typically 30-40 pages. i have yet to read a profile online that even approached the equivalent of one page of a book. Of course, more recent history has introduced texting, and there is now a whole generation or two who have had texting as a standard form of communication, so that may be part of the evolutionary mix?

The bottom line for me, more often than not, is when someone approaches me and has not taken 5 minutes to read my profile (that's about how long it takes to read my profile, and i'm a slow reader), it leaves me wondering why they are approaching me in the first place? If it's not something they read, what else is there? my pic? If someone is attracted by my picture, i would think that would be impetus to read my profile/intro to see if i'm attractive to them beyond looks?

Which takes me back to my original point, most of the guys who approach me having not read my profile have been scammers or guys who just wanna wank or hook... which is fine if they are up front about it. What really frustrates me is the scammers, and they are plethora online, so for me my profile has become a way to weed those guys out, because they pretty much never read a profile, they are just phishing.

I feel that you’ve missed my point entirely and I apologize for the lack of clarity.

I am not comparing real life to online apples to apples, but I am saying that a profile means next to nothing compared to actual engagement. I can see why you interpreted my message erroneously, but there is a level of truth to it. Making an assumption based on the level of information an individual chooses to provide (eyeing Topeka) and accusing them of a lack of seriousness is, again, a fallacy.

I don’t want someone coming in thinking they know anything about me. I want to see how they handle a situation without knowing, it speaks to their level of intelligence, in my opinion.

I disagree that one can not read cues and nuances in text. It is plainly evident while holding a text conversation that a persons response time, use of punctuation, and effort in answering a question thoughtfully are social cues in their own right, among others. By being receptive and perceptive it is rather easy to come to a conclusion within a reasonable bit of time. I see it as a wasted opportunity to disregard someone before you ever speak to them, I see it as a wasted chance to engage with someone who may end up being your best friend, or in my case, my lifetime mate.

You also failed to pick up my sarcasm about profiles basically being a chapter in a book. However, I actually have stumbled on some that end up being a 15 minute read. Anything over 250 words is ridiculous, in my opinion. It is supposed to be a snippet, not an autobiography.

It doesn’t matter that most people are scammers, what matters are the ones who are not.

i do not feel i "missed [your] point entirely," which may be a great example of what i think we would both agree on: written communication is a lot harder than IRL (which ain't easy either, eh?).

You wrote: "We don’t go to a bar and exchange sheets of paper, and if you meet a nice man at the park do you ask him for a resume? No, you interact and interview."

That is the comment i was replying to in my "apples to apples" response. To me, the topic at hand is about online profiles, not about meeting a person at a park or bar. At a park or bar, of course there's no need for written communication, we agree on that.

Where we may differ is on the purpose of a profile in the first place? And for (attempt at) clarity, i'm not judging one method as superior or inferior here, just noting difference and reasoning behind the differences. To me, a profile is the virtual (attempt at) substitute of the 'person in the park.' Since i'm online, and not at the park, and my purpose for being at a particular online venue is to initiate attraction and engage another person or people, i ask myself: " how do i do that?" my profiles are an attempt to put a small slice of myself out there for others to see for potential connection that goes beyond casual.

With that intent, i put a lot of time, thought and effort into most of my profiles,. Those who take the time to read and respond to their content usually see and acknowledge that by responding specifically to something i wrote. i could not care less that not everyone reads, or wants to read, my profile. What confuses and frustrates me is when someone contacts me in response to my profile, obviously showing interest, but does not say why.

i think what many encounter, and are trying to convey is: they put their self out there in a profile, and someone contacts them because of said profile. Unless one is in a chat room, a profile is pretty much all one has to respond to online. So it is obvious that the person is responding to something about the profile, but they're not saying what or why. It's gotta be something? Maybe just your pic, or the opening sentence, or your screen name.

A lot of times, it's not a matter of the person not reading the profile, but not being open about what they see that motivated them to respond. The bigger issue for me is it feels imbalanced. More of a matter of self awareness and self disclosure. i have paid a price, made an effort to be open and vulnerable in my profile. That's my choice and a person can read it or not, it's out there for anyone and everyone.

If someone is going to respond to my profile, i do not think it's unreasonable to expect they say what about it or why they are responding? Of course, that's my personal feeling and standard, it's obviously not universally held lol. I'm literally dumbfounded by the number of people who do not do that? Again, this is just me, but it feels very unbalanced. In my experience, it's not so much that that person has not read my profile. They like the fact that i am open and vulnerable, and often are looking for more of that, but they do not want to respond with equal openness and vulnerability. Responding specifically to what they read that attracts them would expose them and make them open and vulnerable, and i think that's why many do not do that.

The most frustrating people who respond to my profiles are not the ones who have not read them, but the ones who seemingly want to feed on that without giving back in return.

i probably have a lot of sensitivity to that personally because i was in a very long relationship where i was the open one, and the other kept their cards always close to their chest. i'd rather go without than be in that kind of relationship again. Also, i realize cognitively that i'm a lot more willing and practiced in being open and vulnerable than most of the people i encounter on sites supposedly geared towards finding intimate relationship. i practice openness on purpose because i am convinced that is the key to intimate connection and bonding. But that can only happen if it's a two way practice. So my profiles are sort of fishing for similar people. i've actually learned how to tone down my profiles, though they tend to grow sometimes and i have to prune them. Hey, i'm still me, even if i am trying to not be scary and in ones face.

RiverWolf(masochist female)

1 year ago • Jun 21, 2023

1. Who cares if there's a comma or colon or whatever grammar doesn't change what it says.
2. That matter of that guy has been resolved so drop it. He can't answer you anyway. Since resolved needed to be spelled out.
3. The point is everything you need to know to even see if the person is interested maybe is just read a profile. Don't be lazy don't be an asshole and don't be too stood to grasp when somebody isn't interested in you.

1 and 2 we're directed towards people. 3 is just in general about the forum topic.

Sweetlydepraved(masochist female){I Guess }	Sweetlydepraved(masochist female){I Guess } 1 year ago • Jun 21, 2023 1 year ago • Jun 21, 2023 Sweetlydepraved(masochist female){I Guess } • Jun 21, 2023 I’m leaving Daddy. I’m leaving, Daddy. Commas are important.

RiverWolf(masochist female)

1 year ago • Jun 21, 2023

1. No they aren't.

2. Yes person up further I know exactly what you mean. In my own personal opinion online is a joke really. You're words on a screen and there's no... Oh what's the phrase I'm looking for in English..... Okay only French is coming to mind... Basically there no excitement no... Uncertainty maybe... It does nothing for me.

Now again this its my personal opinion. Mine is valid and so is yours. This message here is for anyone I may have offended.

My point is when I need to be put in my place which does happen from time to time online you aren't making me do a damn thing that I don't want to do. Thus it doesn't work for me personally.