Is submission really a gift?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Oct 6, 2020

"Gift" is a VERY general thing. Which in turn can naturally leave room for misinterpretation. The term "gift" can still apply (as well as not). Depending on the situation and context of those situations. You can go "I'm not a box". But I'm asking (and presenting questions and possible evidence" to determine if you are without realising. Likewise, to those that "give", I want you to consider anything other then giving and consider the other side of the fence (the reason for this will be made evident).



This one line indicates that you're "giving" your time/effort to the few specific people you choose/feel like investing that in. Therefore can it not be argued that "Being dom/sub" (or however else) is a "gift"? The other person likes said activities, you do said activities with them (for X amount of time with Y presence). Wherever it's "for both of you" or "For one of you in that specific situation" will of course depend. But even if you both enjoy an activity (something more specific) you're still making sure they enjoy themselves, right? Afterwards if not right there and then. And if you didn't do that then what reason would they have to "give" (or initiate) back? In a sense, you're a box together. Solid snake has to want to be in that cardboard box after all.

While what you said is accurate it does not change the fact we're talking about "Give and give". Or "Give and take". Or however one wants to define it. This is relationship dynamics 101. Person A approaches you. They invest that time and energy. Into you. A dom will be more likely to "lead" with a sub having to "go with the flow". And thus "Give themselves" to that moment where those other events can happen. Sometimes people "agree" on things and sometimes things "just happen". So, as evidenced here, such situations CAN be "given". Which those that give already are aware of. It's the next part they might not be aware of (or at least they don't seem to be considering it enough considering there's little talk on the matter).

This brings the topic of "sub consciously allowing oneself to go with events". If we're doing something subconsciously, such as going along with whatever good times are happening, then I'm not sure if that can be interpreted as a gift from the sub. Since it's more "feeling" then "conscious thought". However, a dom (or otherwise someone good with control. Natural leaders are a good example) can get you to want to be around and do things with them. That inspire you. Make you want to follow, often BEFORE you even realise it. This is the key factor at play here. A gift can NOT be given if you don't have INTENT. Because that's what a gift is. A clear, conscious choice. Lacking that choice does not have to be a bad thing provided you're aware of what you want/need. Someone might have thought they needed X package only to find out Y is better through events happening. That comes to the topic of people thinking they know what they want/need only to realise it was something different after exposure but that's another topic.

So with that logic in mind, since a gift requires clear conscious thought and intent (to be able to give it) then submission isn't always a "gift". Because you can already be doing those sub things subconsciously. Because someone that can control you got you too. A joke about a threesome in a card game can turn into something actually happening. As one example. On the one hand you might not "give" yourself to that situation, but who's going to "resist"? And the dom might not even have intended for that situation to actually happen but still makes it happen through "flow". There's much talk of "give" and not enough of "flow".

Thus "Subconcious" and "Resistance". And also "flow". If we can't define when we're giving with intent and when "flow" happens then it's impossible to tell the difference between when we're "giving" and when things "simply happen". One is intent. The other is adaptation. Both can be good. With the former it's important to keep in mind you can "pressure a choice" (eg: too forced). With the later it's also important to keep in mind being able to remain aware when flow happens. At least aware enough to be able to control the situation yourself if needed. Unless someone commits themselves to going with whatever happens while trusting in the other person. Which, sometimes can happen the instant you meet someone (not to be confused with desperation). Context: Sometimes a "mystery box" is fun. You'll know enough to have an idea, but yet to find out what exactly is inside.

Every time you meet someone new, they're a mystery box. Some have more wrapping (and trust issues) to tear through. And others open up easily. Bit of an odd metaphor but considering people either keep themselves "closed" or "open up" it fits well enough.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 6, 2020

"I personally think that the idea that submission is a "gift" is a romanticized notion of D/s that is meant to sell a ton of erotic novels to vanillas -- just ask E.L. James and authors like her. "

Spot on. Unfortunately, too many vanilla folks read such trash and form their opinions about BDSM.