everyone has a joke in them let's hear your fav

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 19, 2020

I've just bought some wallpaper from my DIY store. The guy in the shop said 'Are you going to stick it up yourself?'

I said 'Noooo! It's going in the hallway!! ''

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 19, 2020

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong! You must go to HELL," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 21, 2020

A Scotsman has been seen walking around Glasgow with a welly on his penis...The police say there's no cause for alarm as he's obviously just fucking aboot !

Road Toad • May 21, 2020

It's a long one

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.
" Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

WholesomeWhore​(switch female){SwellDaddy} • May 21, 2020

What kind of bees make milk??...





....Boo-bees!! 😁🥛🐝

Road Toad • May 21, 2020

What is the difference between a BDSM relationship and a regular one?

In the BDSM relationship there is a safe word that can immediately stop the torture.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 21, 2020

I so am going to try this

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 21, 2020

My boyfriend just found out I swapped our bed for a trampoline....he hit the roof..!

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 21, 2020

Did you expect him to jump for joy?

FeistyMinx​(sub female){HAPPYL❤VE} • May 21, 2020

No s**t !!! to Road Toad ⬆️

Don't lick the stripper pole!