Submissive Tendencies

Submissive Tendencies

drifter788​(dom male) • Oct 20, 2018

I would be interested to hear peoples thoughts on how a person has/develops those inner submissive tendencies and traits. Some questions for discussion
Are they born with them?
Are they age related?
Are they developed from child hood experiences good or bad?
Is it in their DNA?
Do they evolve from past experiences?
Is it because of a persons mental state and well being?

Some thoughts to get started.

CrimsonPaw • Nov 6, 2018

For me, I've always been a people pleaser. I would go out of my way to make someone happy, pleased, and desire my presence. I don't think that made me a submissive though, as I'm still learning to better myself in this role. There's so much to learn!

Perhaps it's a bit of both nature and nurture. Although someone recently posted about cats causing toxicity in people's brain resulting in an interest in BDSM.

Whichever, I'm just glad I've found like-minded individual's to share this journey.

drifter788​(dom male) • Nov 6, 2018

Thank you for taking the time to respond, most pleasing. I think there is truth in what you say. I must say for sure that there is more than one element at play here. Thanks for your input much appreciated.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Nov 6, 2018

For me, it wasn't something I recognized within myself. Someone else recognized it in the natural little habits and idiosyncrasies that I seem to have, and suggested it to me. That caused me to do some research of my own.
The roles I was expected to take in life didn't allow for submissiveness...so whether my tendencies were naturally latent and unexplored or fostered through an unacknowledged desire escape my surroundings...I dunno.

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 7, 2018

Of course, this is only my perspective and does not apply to every submissive.

Are they born with them? I think that everyone is born with some submissive tendencies(Such as pleasing others), but I think that everyone is also born dominant tendencies(Such as wanting to be in control of your own life). I think that your life experiences help shape which tendencies develop more.

Are they age related? I don't think so, although age certainly helps the decision be less inadvertent and more pointed.

Are they developed from child hood experiences good or bad? Yes. The experiences that you go through as a child make you develop into who you are. If you were bullied and always felt out of control, you might want to always be in control later. If you were raised by someone who you could never please, it might make you strive for that approval.

Is it in their DNA? I can't see how it would be. It isn't like blue eyes or a genetic defect.

Do they evolve from past experiences? I feel like this is similar to a previous question.

Is it because of a persons mental state and well being? This question is so confusing to me. Do you mean is their mental state the reason for the submissive/dominant desire or is their mental state dependent on those same desires?
Let us psychologically analyse me for a moment and see if that helps answer it either way.
I grew up with a control freak parent who pushed me constantly. Anything less than perfection was not tolerated. In addition to being overbearing and having high expectations, my family was also very religious and closed minded. Homosexuality and cultural diversity were like plagues to my family. This never set well with me. I never fit right into the boxes. I had 0 control of my own life until I left at 14.
Lets fast forward a bit. I'm an adult now.
I have two children who both require several doctor appointments a week and have unique educational needs. I have to be in constant control of their lives to ensure that their medical and educational needs are met, as well as their happiness and social development. I also have 3 dogs that I juggle, a household that I manage, and a Jeep(which means that I am an amateur mechanic who spends hours cursing the damned thing before caressing it lovingly and begging it to behave).
So, for me, being in constant control daily and having a touch of an aggressive personality makes me come across as a dominant. However, I tried that and (while I am good at it) I don't enjoy it. Because I am so completely in control all day, I cannot achieve release unless a strong, trusted dom takes that control from me. My mental health and well being need that balance, they need that submissive release to balance the controlling dictator that I have to be daily.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 7, 2018

I love the questions.

Where does BDSM come from?

Is it the same as where does sexuality come from?

What makes some people driven and others not so much ?

I've heard the theory that people in high pressure jobs need submission at home for relief. But I've known dominants in high pressure jobs. So I always discount that.

I dont believe that submission comes from abuse- or BDSM would have much larger numbers.


DNA is most probable to me.
Like some parts of DNA it has an underlying ability that one can connect with and cultivate.


This could also mean that our DNA also has switch or Dom/me tendencies.

Findingrealme​(sub female) • Nov 7, 2018

Interesting topic. I am going to vote born with them. There are way too many very strong submissives, their strength comes from life experiences good and bad. We control our worlds be it at work or home. At least for me, it was this sense of wrong in all that control. There was no balance. Something deep within me kept telling me, you are going against your core nature. Something has to give. Submission is that balance. Giving control to another and trusting them to know how to use it, how to make me better. It's the most rewarding balancing act, because it allows me to be all of me.

HisAngel • Mar 9, 2020

I've always has submissive tendencies even before I realized there was a word for it. I'm a people pleaser, I hate being the decision maker. Can I do it, yes, but I hate it lol. I tend to freeze up when asked to take the lead on anything sexual in nature. That could just be a me thing though. Oh and there was this one time as a early teen I found rope and was like hey...it be fun to tie myself up.....yea I have no idea how I didn't find out about the BDSM community before I did. (8 years or so ago)

Erick​(sub male) • Mar 9, 2020

Like a lot of confirmed sexual masochists, I have very early memories of being utterly fascinated with all forms of punishment, control, humiliation, shame, etc. Long before I had the slightest notion of what sexual excitement was. I enjoyed any kind of childhood games in which I wound up being captured, imprisoned, tied up, spanked, etc.

Even so, I am leery of attributing any kind of behavior or preference to brain chemistry or genetic determinism. But since the phenomenon in cases like mine begins very early and runs so deep that I know it would be impossible to change it, I suppose for practical purposes the whole thing might as well be considered congenital.

My hunch is that sexual masochism stems from a deeper disposition that produces, in social behavior, a satisfaction in getting good grades, obeying the law, being polite, etc., and that produces, in religious people, the cultivation of conscience, humility, renunciation, and sacrifice to the Almighty.

My hunch is also that the inclination toward sexual masochism is much more widespread than is commonly supposed, but--as I think is also the case with gay people--those who openly express their desire are simply the ones who happen to have the opportunity or the means to live their lives as their closeted kindred spirits would like to but cannot.

Bunnie • Mar 9, 2020

“Are they born with them?
Are they age related?
Are they developed from child hood experiences good or bad?
Is it in their DNA?
Do they evolve from past experiences?
Is it because of a persons mental state and well being?“

I have come to believe it’s a mixture of all of these things...

Lock them all in thanks Eddie (a “Who wants to be a Millionaire” tv show catchphrase in Australia).