New and blown away by bdsm

New and blown away by bdsm

Marmite • Oct 22, 2018

I havebeen introduced to online bdsm by someone I had friended on fb years ago, with which I have enjoyed witty banter for years. Never met in person.
During one of of conversations I consent to get into a peculiar game ( so he calls it)
Rules are stated
Heart starts thumping


We’ve had just two three games played but I am already conpletely drawn in by the magnetic force of the intense pleasure I discover during the games.

A discovery I still find quite difficult to deal with in my daily life
I am on a constant high and crave for being owned

But my dom has been clear from the start that as he’s in a relationship he would like it to work of course he can only give just a set amount of attention and involvement and support to my sometimes stormy days.

I appreciate his sincerity but I am jewel to be treasured and nurtured and don’t want to trade for less than that

I amso lost sometimes

Phanes​(dom male) • Oct 22, 2018

As I read this, he has peeked your interest in the lifestyle, however he is not meeting your needs in regards of time being spent? I also read that you are seeking a more fulfilling relationship with someone who has more time to invest in you and the games (D/s sessions). If your are not getting out of it what you seek, there is no reason for you not to find someone who can meet your desires and needs. You don't have to settle for less than you want. If he wants what's best for you, he will understand.

Marmite • Oct 22, 2018

you are spot on Phanes57
but I am also feeling a strong bond with this person
What a beautiful rollercoaster of emotion

Phanes​(dom male) • Oct 22, 2018

Then since he has another partner, would he allow you to do the same? Whats good for the gander, good for the goose.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 22, 2018

Dont settle.

Master1977 • Oct 23, 2018

I totally get the strong bond you are feeling, but the issue is that this relationship sounds like it will only hurt in the long term.

Does his partner know about you? What would (s)he do if (s)he found out? If his relationship with them gets stronger, then how will that affect his relationship with you and will you be given even less time?

It's always possible that the strong bond is simply because someone is responding to your needs, albeit in a limited capacity. I'd consider trying to forge that bond with someone new, but remember it takes time and trust must be built, you can't be comparing them to this person.

Good luck and as MasterBear says, don't settle.

Marmite • Oct 23, 2018

I am happily married. It would be premature to involve my husband into this now.
I do not t exclude it but I am now exploring this territory as my private and very personal treasure

The guy...He’s just started a new relationship
Not into long relationship before this new one
I am really happy for him . Relationships are a great source and personal development
His partner isn’t aware of his being a master online.

Every life is different and I respect that
He’s been clear from the beginning
But has definitely underestimated how the game might have inpacted me

Phanes​(dom male) • Oct 23, 2018

I hate to be One who points out the contradictions of terms in this forum or burst the bubble of excitement you seem to have about exploring the possibilities of the lifestyle, but a few things stick out to Me that I feel I need to speak about. I only do so because I hope to help you further your expected future experiences by educating you on what makes for a good D/s relationship. First off, you state that you are happily married. I would be wrong to not point out that if you were, why are you in here searching for someone to fill an obvious void in your life? Why not talk with your husband and explain that you found a new interest in the lifestyle and would like to explore it together? Secondly, this "Guy", he is off on the wrong foot with this new relationship in my opinion. Already hiding his venture in the lifestyle from someone who he hopes to develop into something more. It's never good practice to hides things from a significant other. In this lifestyle as well as any other lifestyle, trust and open communication is paramount. Most relationships that are developed with untruths, hidden activities, and not being completely honest between the parties are doomed to fail. Eventually what's hidden will come out to be seen. Both his and your focus should be on the person that you are with. Both of you need to be brave enough to tell your partners of your interests; you may be surprised of their acceptance of it.
Well that is my two cents into this situation, it may not be everyone's thinking, but it is Mine. Just some food for thought.

Master1977 • Oct 23, 2018

Have to 100% agree with Phanes57 - dishonesty and lies are absolutely the worst way to go, and will doom both your marriage and his relationship, not to mention your arrangement with him, to failure. Obviously there are exceptions to this, but to presume you will be the exception is naive.

Seriously, try talking to your partner about this. The guy that has introduced you... he's having his fun, and good for him, but if he's lying to her, what's to say that he isn't or won't lie to you. This also brings me back to what I said before - what happens to you if he gets more serious with her? I recommend you have a long think about that. Do you want to be disposable, or do you want to be cared about and have your needs met?

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2018

From a submissive stance, which it sounds like is what is interesting to you, trust is such a vital part of the bdsm lifestyle. That bond that you have with your friend who you have begun this game, the one who you are on this exciting emotional rollercoaster with... you had first developed a bond and a trust. That bond and trust allowed you to enjoy this game....

By lying to your husband you and hiding this new piece of sexual exploration, you are denying him the opportunity to grow with you.

You are also setting yourself up for failure in any future bdsm relationship. Honesty and open communication are vital between a dom and a submissive, as that communication and honesty are how you learn boundaries and interests.

Most doms require a level of respect and loyalty that rivals that of marriage. You say that you are a jewel and wont settle for less than being treasured, but you are willing to enter into an experience like this on a foundation of secrets and inability to commit to your dom? I find this confusing and feel that we may have different ideas of bdsm.