Tips for a first meet

Tips for a first meet

Bunnie • Oct 25, 2018

Hello I’m not sure if there’s a forum for this already, however I’d like to discuss ideas that people have around a first meet with a potential D or s. Do you have rules/guidelines that you give yourself before a meet? Do you have people that you have as safeguard contacts in place? Do you have a no sex/play at first contact rule? And what about STI’s? Do you do a doctor’s check information swap? What things would you discuss straight away? Do you have any little idiosyncratic tips to share? Thank you for reading, I look forward to hearing and hopefully learning about some genuinely helpful ways to go about enjoying this lifestyle we love in a safe, sane and consensual way

CrimsonPaw • Oct 25, 2018

Great post idea, Bunnie! I keep first meets on a vanilla level. Coffee and talk type of thing. If I'm ever in a dynamic again, I will use a safeguard contact. We were talking about that in chat recently. Makes a lot of sense. Also, a recent STI check is crucial. But I'm curious how recent others prefer. A week? Month? Year? ? What's the normal protocol for that?

Kara​(sub female)​{Dark Roast} • Oct 25, 2018

By the time I agree to meet someone, we have been talking for months. Past partners and relationships have been discussed, as has STD status. Everything that could be discussed has been thoroughly.

That done, first meetings are used to see what the in person chemistry is like, how we relate to each other physically.

I use a tracking app called Life 360 and have two friends who know both of our contact information track my movements. If we go on the move, then I tell the future location and check in once there.

I don't have a no sex rule. I meet for coffee and take it from there. I did have sex last time I met someone, but that was after several hours of talking. No play with a dynamic, but we did have sex.

CK45​(sub female) • Oct 25, 2018

Interested to see how people proceed with transition from online to RL..
If you waited a long time to actually meet how hard would it be to stick with your plan of “vanilla” interaction at first meet up ?
How did you do it if this happened to you?

One would imagine the pent up energy there would be quite difficult to manage...

Bunnie • Oct 25, 2018

I would like to answer more in depth when I get the chance (way past my bedtime lol), however I’d like to thank everyone so far... @ Am, great question... I like for us to both have one done within the timeframe of planning to meet. @ Kara, I really like the sound of that app... will look into that further. @ CK45, I personally always masturbate before anything that I go to to do with bdsm... because well... it’s pretty self explanatory lol. I like to try to have a little less pent up energy so my focus is a bit better. I think discussing the transition from online to meeting in person is a great topic... I look forward to hearing what others have to say also

Kara​(sub female)​{Dark Roast} • Oct 25, 2018

The energy isn't that hard to manage, but it is why I have had all the discussions up front and all the safety procedures in place. If I decide to have sex, then I minimize the chance of getting hurt.

Should he decide that he wants sex, but I don't, it's easy to get away. I insist first meetings be on my turf and on a place that I can easily leave. My cell phone is fully charged and I know my location.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Oct 25, 2018

First meet up always in the place the sub choose, so usually a cafe. Most subs have told their close friend about the meeting, prob not given the reason but they know she's meetiing someone. Twice we went back to theirs and had fun, sex and play session.
Another one skip the cafe meeting and invited me at her house, we chat then eventually she show me her skill.
Others needed two vanilla meetings, with some nothing happen after.
But I always mention the no sex option for first sessions, until the sub feel comfortable.
I didnt need to communicate for month, max I had comms was prob 2 months. Not interested about their previous experiences, its not my kind of stuff poking around peoples life. We start a new chapter together not link one to another
During realtionship I do get regular sti/d check so I can prove anytime I am clear for the new sub, I would expect the same and wont engaged unprotected sex without a proof.
You need some kind of script to avoid the quiet moment and keep the momentum of discussion flowing, some sense of humour, smile and just be yourself, dont try to overdo it

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 26, 2018

This is a great thread!!!
I'm enjoying reading ppls responses

alawey​(sub female)​{(OWNED BY } • Oct 27, 2018

Ok..... I have been truely thinking about this blog ever since it was posted bunnie. And as I stated was trying to figure out just what and how to say things correctly. And still not sure if I'm going to do it right but as I share and believe in honesty above all. I shall try....

I have only met one Dom through the cage or any site.And let me start by saying that this is MY journey. And I will also state that while I always promote safety and getting to know the person first as well as you can before hand. It May come off as I didn't follow all off things I suggest.

I met my Wolf here , and talked to him about everything and anything for MONTHS ( the fact of it was 10 months) and then claimed and didn't have the first RL meeting for another 4 months. And YES I agree that first meeting should be in an vanilla setting. Yet ours was after my driving a 8.5 hour drive (which actually took more like 10 hours due to a snow strom, I have to drive through in the middle of the night.) The plan was for us to stay together for a week in a hotel hanging out and stuff. Which is what exactly happened . We went out to dinners , watched movies , talked and talked, window shopped, along with the vanilla dating touching and such.This is not to say that there wasn't any sex or that I didn't come back without wolf bites. Because there was and I did.

I did have safety calls set up with kink and vanilla friends. And trust me my phone went off with text and bond messages from all of them over the week, checking in on me from time to time. Even those that weren't on my safety call list seem to want to check in ,lol

I think that was because of how much they all knew I was nervous.. Well maybe that is not that right word ...mmm...anxious .. that's better.
See I had like three friends via kik help me pick outfits for my trip. I was not worried about my safety as I knew ( really and truly knew) I would be safe. I have 1 very good friend who was a former sub of his and another good friend who knew him well. I was more worried that he would met me and not like me.

But as he has said sex or no sex didn't matter that week it was my call, he knew he after meeting that he was going to enjoy hanging out with me.

And as I stated this is just my journey.
I know that what wolf and have had from the very beginning is rare. And the story continues as we love out our lives together.

Bunnie • Oct 27, 2018

That’s a beautiful response, ala... and you explained it perfectly. You had safe guards set in place, it wasn’t rushed. It makes perfect sense to me. I too had my first experience under slightly different circumstances than is normally suggested, as we lived in different states. So it’s important to remember that there will always be variances, and to make the best choices possible within those. This is a great example of that, thank you