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Littledee​(sub female) • Nov 30, 2018

I am a sub and are just starting out with a dom. We are both new to this, FWB situation. He has expressed that he wants to try having us switch once in awhile. As I am new I don't even know where to begin or how id go about it. I can be confident and sexy but i dont know how to be a dom for him at all. Any advice....?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 30, 2018

First off CONGRATULATIONS!!!
And welcome!!!

Secondly --- do you have any BDSM skills-- flogging, caning? That you feel comfortable with?

Littledee​(sub female) • Dec 1, 2018

Nope lol I don’t really want to be a dom. I am truly a sub with feisty tendencies but I’m not a dom so I don’t know how to even go about it

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 1, 2018

Ok.

If I may ask ---

Where is your hesitation?
Emotional? Fear of failure?
A visceral gut reaction of "No"?

Littledee​(sub female) • Dec 1, 2018

I just don’t know what to do or how to do it. I feel like I would feel ridiculous end end up laughing. It’s not the end of the world but if I’m going to try it I want to at least feel like I can do a decent job

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 1, 2018

Ok.


I have an excersize for you.


First --- who do you admire ( media) that has an inner dominance?

I usually go for Aaron Hotchner or Howling Wolf.



It sounds silly but it works. Just follow me here.

DaddyLvsHisgrl​(dom male) • Dec 31, 2018

I don't know that a true Dom would want to switch up. Maybe I'm wrong. Although I see nothing wrong with it if that's what both partners want, I would never ask my sub to Dom me. Not only am I all Dom, I don't find it fair to ask a true sub to Dom either.

P.S. I'm from NJ. We should chat.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Dec 31, 2018

In his case he is talking more about Topping than Domming. In the bedroom is completely different from in the relationship and there it is easier to switch. I am completely Dominant in my relationship but I enjoy being on the bottom sometimes. My husband is completely submissive but rarely, /very/ rarely for him, he actually wants to Top. So, yes, a true Dom/me can "sub" sometimes, though for me that is purely in the bedroom. Sex =/= the relationship.

I feel like Master Bear would give you way better advice than I could so I wont say much, but I do suggest you /really/ make sure you're okay with Topping. Forcing yourself to do something you don't want or like can be really harmful. It can be fun and really helpful even to experience the other side of the coin so to speak, but not if its /really/ not what you want. As a submissive you have every right to say "no". Dont forget that

dollMaker​(dom male) • Dec 31, 2018

I think for those of us who are fixed in what we are it can be hard to understand the fluidity of others, but I personally rejoice in their enjoyment of what they do, even if I cant directly relate to that fluidity.

To the OP, one of the easiest skills to learn is spanking, bare bottom, or through pants. You can use your bare hands or put on leather gloves - that allows you to spank for longer. Its hard to do damage with your hand, not impossible, but it gives you a very tactile interface through which to do some impact play. Keep your hand on the fleshy part of the buttocks and all will be good. You can mix in some stroking, digging fingers in, nipping and squeezing to add more sensation. Toy use, canes, paddles, hair brush etc require more skill to do safely, though next up from spanking would be using a broad leather paddle (thiner longer paddles, taswe etc best avoided early on) needs skill but not as much as a cane. Canes are much more difficult to use safely, but if held just infront of the handle and used close in are reasonably easy to be accurate with and control. Standing back and swinging at a bum requires lots of skill and accuracy so I dont recommend a newbie tries canes that way.

Re laughing during a scene, or at any part, even the most seasoned experienced top, dom etc can have something go wrong and cause everyone to break down laughing, it happens, and its nothing to worry about. Clothing malfunctions, accidentally hitting or shocking yourself, farting by accident whatever it happens, and being super serious sometimes ends up with laughter. All of that is ok, its life and having humour and being able to laugh at yourself is good. Too serious and that can end up being too heavy. Some fun scenes I have had is when I am being a bit goofy, shocked Cage, dM is goofy. Nods lol.

Take it easy and slow. There are plenty of good online resources for learning topping skills, and subs can top, its called service topping. You enjoy serving and you top to give pleasure to the person you are topping, and thus you derive pleasure from the service given. I know some very skilled subs who service top wonderfully. However if its not for you then thats ok.
In that case maybe find someone who can give your dom what he needs, but you still play a part in it, issue instructions to the top for instance. Be creative and seek solutions that work for hoth of you.

As resources, to start, I suggest Morgan Thornes You Tube channel, The New Topping Book, Screw the Roses send me the Thorns book, and if there are any workshops events in your area that are on topping skills etc the two of you can attend together.

Also any closed, narrow minded judgers who say your dom is no dom if he likes bottoming sometimes. Ignore those people as frankly their views are not on. There are those who seek to gatekeep, one true way control, ignore them re what you do, thats up to you. What you do is no ones business and no one has a right to judge peoples sexuality, or what they enjoy doing, as long as its done with skill, safely, sanely and with enthusiastic consent you do, and your dom do what you both enjoy.

Good luck with your journey.

croppuser{No} • Dec 31, 2018

I started as a 100% dominant man. I often expressed pain and frustration in my spankings of consenting girlfriends. I could not imagine submitting. I saw the sparkle of joy in my girlfriend's eyes after a spanking session and it made me wonder. Eventually a short term girlfriend said "It's time you had a taste of your own medicine" and she talked me into admitting that I had shortcomings which I would want to be held to account for. She told me to cover her ass with kisses and tell me that she is the goddess and mine deserves to be spanked. Somehow that made it easier to offer to accept any punishment she selected. I saw what a relief it felt to give myself over into her control, knowing she would paddle me hard but would reassure me that I can overcome problems.
I have learned to trust a woman and submit to her judgment even though part of me is still sure I know better.
Maybe I am more just a man who lusts for punishment and submission to her than a real submissive. But it can be a wondrous thing even for a guy who did not start out sub. I think you may also find it an adventure to have your guy expose the side of himself which needs you to take charge. Use it also as a way to make him do things important to you. I have known cases where domme made her man adopt a different hairstyle or throw out ragged old pjs as part of his submission.