Connecting

Connecting

LaLeigh​(sub female){Owned} • Dec 14, 2018

First Post. First everything. We have been married for nearly 25 years, together for 27. We have been
“playing” in this lifestyle for most of our marriage. Please don’t take offense at the term. It is obvious to
me that there are many people who take their names, lifestyle and classifications’ very seriously, and I respect that. We are coming from a place of slow growth and evolution. I am not sure where we fall in the complex classification system but feel the need to lead with my resume of who we think we are, to avoid the backlash of strangers telling me who they think we are

I am submissive, not a doormat. I am capable, smart and have run a small business for ten years. My
husband is a fantastic human being, dominant, but not quite ready to be described as Dominant. He is the
leader of my heart and the leader of our home. Both of us feel strongly that a Dominant title is earned,
and he does not feel like he is there in his journey.

So, with that introduction, he asked me to journal on the following topic: (I am not quite ready to set up
a blog, so I am putting this idea of connection here)

Connection. What our play does to help us connect and communicate. How does the connection free
you to explore your need for submission and the safety to discuss kink? (Aside -struggling with the
submissive need – still in the “What’s wrong with me” phase – he is helping me)

My response:
Connection means that I trust you. That trust is a significant portion of our foundation. Because I trust you, I am free to explore my need for submission and it creates a sense of safety in our discussions.

We discuss so many types of relationships in our lives – normal, healthy “vanilla world” relationships. So
much of where things go wrong is when trust is broken somehow. It does not matter if its purposeful or accidental – perception is everything.

Trust requires care and consideration. It must be give and take with both parties or the relationship won’t work. So even if things are fractured between us at times, at the end of the day, I trust your motives. I trust that you love me and would never hurt me purposefully.

I think that we are lucky. The trust between us creates an intimate connection that, I would hope, most people strive for at some level. The D/s dynamic, I believe, brings trust to an entirely new level and I am not sure how others jump into these types of relationships and how, or if, they can be successful.

I am so thankful that we have known each other for as long as we have – that the trust was there
BEFORE this element of our life developed. We are giving ourselves access to parts of ourselves that are
intensely private, deeply personal and raw. It makes sense that with the increased trust comes a
proportional amount of connection.

We can talk another day about how we intentionally or unintentionally break trust. I think this is the key
to why most relationships fail. Broken trust, broken connection, broken hearts, broken people…~LL

So, I am posing the question to the group:
How does the D/s dynamic help you connect and communicate?

SnappyJ​(sub female){Collared} • Dec 14, 2018

Dom hub and I were just discussing this last night, and it's not easy for me to explain without you knowing a bunch about our dynamic. But, in a nutshell, we've also been married FOREVER and are also beginning to explore this side of our relationship. I'm very much the wearer of the pants in the family, but (add in a whole bunch of history, etc) I need to have that submission in our private time. The deference that I have for him in our private time bleeds over into our daytime selves, and that's a good thing. Instead of habitually deferring to me in our daytime lives, he is stronger, more assertive, and I don't pounce.

Also, I swear we've talked more -- really talked -- since this beginning our exploration, than we have in our whole 20 plus years together. So, if nothing else, that's a good thing

Great convo starter!

SirHanz​(dom male){Minx} • Dec 14, 2018

I love the communication between dom and sub. I freedom to say anything is quite a gift.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 14, 2018

Love this!!!!

I love reading about loving and patient relationships.

Gives me warm fuzzies

Beautifullybrokensub​(sub female){Collared} • Dec 15, 2018

There is no other relationship like it in the world. He is the 1 person I trust with my life. I would walk to the edge of the earth for him. Communication is key. If you feel uncomfortable with something - speak up- Subs are people too - lol. Don’t just be on the ride- enjoy the ride
It is about both of you getting your needs and wants met. Cannot be one sided, or you are doomed to failure. It’s not just the physical connection, but the emotional one. That’s what makes it so damn special.