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A Struggling Dom

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JaimeJade​(sub female){BaronJ}
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:52:17 PM IST
JaimeJade​(sub female){BaronJ} • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:52:17 PM IST
Dom Con I’ve met you, I’m 6 years older than you but honestly, you are older than your years, very mature, very well spoken and great to talk with. I honestly think, as we have spoken before, that you should get out there and meet people in Munches, then they can see for real who you are and not judge you by your age. They won’t know how old you are upon meeting, so perhaps leave that as an air of mystery.... I think it’ll also renew your faith in this community as there are many more fakes on here and other social media sites but I think myself lucky that I have had the pleasure of meeting you and becoming your friend. Another option is to take your age off your profile and see what happens.... x
Freya369​(switch female)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 01:02:32 PM IST
Freya369​(switch female) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 01:02:32 PM IST
A curious happenstance is in evidence lately. Word usage is becoming more predicated on individual interpretation/definition or what may genuinely, but erroneously believed to be the true meaning of specific words.

Is this the fault of our new technologies? Falling reading levels? Laziness? Or just deceit?

Monogamy was stated in the your profile.

Monogamy, that's a great word and is full of meaning, especially for a partner who grasps it's true depth. It also has an impact on the reader, especially if the reader has principles, another great word. Words prompt actions, reactions, have consequences. Yes, No, are two of the most powerful words in any language, and if misunderstood can have disastrous results in any "realm."

Perhaps I am old fashioned, being more careful in what we say and write is important.

Profiles, are an opportunity to be explicit and clear, but in our world has become so subjective, that I personally don't use them anymore! Preferring to talk directly, though no less problematic, is at least personal.

Your age was the main concern in your post, I think? From my view, your relationship status, and the new addition of a child would have been 2 huge red flags. Any relationship requires attention, and non more so than the kind you seek. Tremendous focus, time investment, energy requirements, as you are from the UK, you will know this saying "Eee, Lad Where Would You Find The F&££)£ ing Time!"

Subs need attention, lots of attention.

The fact that you have had a number of them in 5 years is significant and the failure of keeping one long term is telling you something.

A true Dom must develop the ability to put his own wants/needs on the back burner, at least until Junior is out of nappies!
Sweet and spice​(sub female)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 05:33:14 AM IST
Sweet and spice​(sub female) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 05:33:14 AM IST
It is difficult for an inexperienced sub to find your way through all the posers. A lot of men on here claim the tile of Dom, Daddy and Master and have no clue that just because you call yourself something doesn't make you the real thing. For me it's all I have read, research, the little experience I have, life experience and my gut feeling. So far, all of my encounters on here haven't felt like the real thing at all. I have a desire to submit but to someone who will not even take the time to get to know me and is just looking to get laid and abuse.
Dom Con​(dom male)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 05:10:14 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 05:10:14 AM IST
curiouskittyy wrote:
I agree with MasterBear! This is your personal journey and it doesn’t matter what others think, as long as what you’re doing is consensual and done safely.

Everyone has a personal preference with age, just like with all physical traits. Some prefer older (which could still be you for those <26) and some prefer younger. Some love curves and some want athletic builds. Some prefer short and some tall etc etc.
Then there are those who care less about the physical traits and prefer to know the person, putting higher preferences on mental connections. You can’t please everyone, so try not to worry about those who think your age is a negative thing. That’s their intake and not the opinion of everyone.

I know you’re a great and genuine guy from the conversations we’ve had, and I know you take this lifestyle very seriously. In my view, I think the only reason you may be struggling to find a sub on cage is because:

1) There isn’t many from the UK on here, so unless you want an online or long distance relationship, it kinda limits your options.
2) From conversations I’ve had with subs on here, many want to combine a romantic relationship with D/s. If this isn’t something you are after, it again limits your appeal to those who do.
3) There seems to be a high number of subs who have no/little experience of BDSM and want to learn from someone with years and years of experience. This can only come from those older than yourself and so in this situation, they may exclude you based on age.

My advice would be to broaden your horizons and be patient. Like I said, you’re a great guy and I know the perfect sub/muse is out there for you! Good luck x


To CuriousKitty,

Where could I possibly begin...We have spoken often and I find you one of the most down to Earth, fun and open minded people I have ever come across, not only in the D/s lifestyle but life in general.

You know I appreciate every word you say and everything you say is always spot on, I have huge admiration and respect for you and when I saw your post on here it just confirmed everything I was unsure of and filled me with renewed vigor and spirit.

You truly are one of a kind and I think extremely highly of you, what you write, well It just makes sense and is so honest and true.

Anyway I won't gush to much, as I would hate to embarrass you, but know I always see you as such a positive reinforcement and person in this community, and look forward to speaking with you later on, as I always do.

Yours Sincerely,
Dom Con icon_smile.gif
Dom Con​(dom male)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 05:01:42 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 05:01:42 AM IST
MasterBear wrote:
I judge all the time.
What I let come out my mouth is a different matter.

I tend not to care about the age unless they say they are 22 with 10 years experience. Then I just move on.


I always go back to the eternally wise Leslie Jordan:

REPEAT AFTER ME

"What they think about me is none of my business".



Do you feel like a D type?
Do you feel like you are playing dress up?

If so work on those things.

But if not dont let others try and convince you that you are.




"WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS"


HI MasterBear,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post, it is greatly appreciated.

Next thank you for your words they pack a heavy message, and as mentioned before I usually do not let such things plague my mind but this has caused quite a dark cloud to form, in recent times.
I appreciate what you have said and your honesty, and find them a breath of fresh air, this is exactly what I was looking for when creating this post was others' own personal views, thoughts, feelings and opinions, and that is exactly what you have provided so again, I am very thankful for you doing that.

I will and have taken you words with deep consideration and thought.

Wish you all the best.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:55:49 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:55:49 AM IST
CrazySexyCool wrote:
One of the best Doms i've met and most fun, was very young. But he was so natural at it and humble and eager to learn, yet strong and knew what he wanted and went from there.

I would never have given someone his age the time of day, but there was something about his presence his confidence, his ability to bring the good out that won me over at the time.

This was awhile ago. And you know what? We remained friends because respect was always there on both ends.

So I learned a lesson, age can certainly be just a number.

I've learned this with older Doms too.

Isn't it about who we are and how we connect and being true to oneself?

At least that is what i'm striving for.

However im much better at giving advice than taking it.
When you find your submissive, don't worry about what others think.
Surround yourself with those that support.


Hi CrazySexyCool,
Firstly thank you for reading my post, it is greatly appreciated.

Secondly, thank you for sharing such detailed moments of your D/s life and experience, it was amazing to read such transparency and openness.
I appreciate so much your insight and actual first hand knowledge of this particular situation, I myself have only have subs which have been older than myself so can fully appreciate this, on the same level.
I have and do take a lot of what you have said to heart and it means a great deal to me having read it, so again thank you for providing this outlook and experience.
I wish you all the very best moving forward.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:36:24 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:36:24 AM IST
Shannon Lee wrote:
Age is not a factor for me. Maturity, respect, emotional and financial stability, honesty, communication, knowledge, and consistency, ect is more important to me.
Being a Dom is a lot of responsibility.


Hi Shannon Lee,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is greatly appreciated.

Mostly thank you for your honesty and personal thoughts on this matter and couldn't agree more.
In all aspects I try to ensure I bring the highest level of maturity, respect and emotional / financial stability as possible, with the rest following in a equal measures.
I find your answer extremely mature and helps to flesh out some of the most important parts of the D/s relationship and dynamic, and as mentioned earlier this is exactly why I posted this subject as I wanted as many views and outlooks as possible to see things from all sides and gather as much perspective as possible.
I thank you very much for your message.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:32:15 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:32:15 AM IST
Bunnie wrote:
Hi @ Dom Con, in all honesty... what stood out to me the most here, is 5 subs in 6 years. Something in that suggests to me that there is an instability within whatever you have happening in your dynamic. Before I get jumped on for judging... this is not a personal attack, as I don’t know you... I’m merely going by what I’ve read above. I point this out because sometimes we can be looking at one thing... and that’s entirely not the problem at all. I don’t think age matters tbh... you’ll always find someone with a preference that matches that of yours in regards to things like that. I’d be looking more at things like stability, consistency, availability... sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. Are you being realistic about what you can have and offer at the moment? These are the areas I would suggest looking at. Hopefully that might help icon_smile.gif


Hi Bunnie,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is most appreciated.
Next thank you for being so honest, regarding my dynamics my 5 previous subs 2 were relationship interaction (a couple and myself included) and 3 separate one on one D/s relationships, while some may have been short lived all where meaningful and secure, each individual relationship had it's own unique dynamic but had their own personal situations, without going into too much detail on couple went on to swing as they found the D/s relationship wasn't for them and another due to location changes due to personal reasons and career also, but I can appreciate what you are saying.
And I will most certainly reflect on realistic goals and so on, I like to be a very practical person, but this is exactly why I posted this subject as I love learning from and talking to others to get their unique and personal views on a subject, to see things from as many different points of view as possible, and thank you for sharing yours, it honestly means a great deal.
I value what you have written a great deal, and also no personal attack at all icon_smile.gif
Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:24:33 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:24:33 AM IST
BelladonnaLove wrote:
Personally, i know i like someone older then me and because im newer i need someone with some experience. Seeing as how you have 8 years experience, i dont believe with be a problem for most. Beyond that im unsure.


Hi BellaDonnaLove,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is most appreciated.
And another thank you for sharing not only your thoughts and feelings about this subject but your honesty with it as well.
As mentioned earlier I completely understand and appreciate your reasoning, and find it comforting.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
7 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:20:57 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:20:57 AM IST
Kara wrote:
Honestly, you would be a no to me because of your age. Many submissive women my age look for a man who would also fit into their vanilla life, which usually precludes an age gap. Maybe if I were 18, but not at 37.


Hi Kara,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is greatly appreciated.
And mostly thank you for your honesty above all else, and I can fully appreciate your reasoning.
This is what I was looking for different opinions and views, honest views, and you have provided that, so for that I am thankful.

Sincerely,
Dom Con