First irl experience - First irl meeting

First irl experience - First irl meeting

Abizone​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2019

Hi there,

I need some advices, I've been interested in bdsm since a year now, and had some online experiences, so I know I can deal with the non-sexual domination without much difficulties.
Lately, I've been starting something new with a sub, and we're planning to meet. The thing is that irl is totally new to me, and not for her (she was domme for 3 years before to get become a sub since a year).
I told her about that, and also about the stress it was giving me, and she actually responded really nicely to that, like "everyone has to start", "I'll show and help you", "I actually like it", that kind of things...

I dont want to go to fast, nor to disapoint her (even if she's the one calling me master).

I told her that we would meet in a bar, to have a drink and talk, then go to eat somewhere in town.
And as we're not living close, I'll probably stay at her place for the night.

Some ideas I was thinking of (added to a looot of talking of course, about us, about the D/s dynamic, what we want, limits, kinks, etc...):
- In the restaurant, ask her to go to the bathroom to take off her panties and give them to me,
- I know she's really demandind and will try tou tease me, so maybe forbid her to touch my under-belt area, but still teasing her
- When we come home, she'll take care of my jacket and stuff
- At some point, maybe ask her to undress in front of me so I can have a look

Any tips or advices? What can/should I do for a first meeting/night?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Jan 22, 2019

Show up, let her guide you. You got incredibly lucky in partner selection. She's perfect for your experience level and willing to teach and be patient. Bring ears to listen and an open mind. You'll be fine. Awesome opportunity for you and wish you the best of luck.

Abizone​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2019

Thank you for your answer!

Of course, I'll trust her to lead me, but I would like to have some ideas to bring also, you know, not to be just the random guy who happens to be here.

And also what do you think of my listed ideas?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Jan 22, 2019

I'd skip any public play. Usually a first IRL meeting is just that; meeting to talk and grok the in person vibes. I think you're worried about being too timid and not Domly Dom enough for her when in all likelihood that's the very reason she's interested in you.

Continue to be open and honest, including discussion about what play if any will happen on that night. Discussion does not 'spoil the moment' or 'ruin the vibe'.

As for practical ideas.. those aren't bad. Just discuss them.

Abizone​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2019

I guess by public play, you gad in mind the "take off panties idea"!?
Actually, she was already telling me that she could just not wear any when we meet, so I thought it would be more playful to do it that way

Obviously, I don't want to skip the steps and I also guess/think that the more we talk about things and others (including kinks and playtime) will mke lust growing even more, for both of us.
You got it right, it's stressing me. But I guess it's a normal thing. It's not like if I was going to the post office! ^^

Thanks again for your advices!!

Anyway, I'm still eager of more if anyone is here

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 22, 2019

What do you fantasize about when you masturbate?

Let your fantasies and her experience guide you.


All of this sounds good.

And fun.


My only piece of advice is K.I.S.S. and dont try to do to much at once.


Other then that- the crotch will lead the way.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2019

Fud and Master Bear give great advice and yes you have landed on your feet with someone more experienced willing to help and guide. There will be those that will scream topping from the bottom but ignore those voices as learning your craft as a dominant can be viewed as very much being like getting the fundamentals of language right, spelling, grammar, then some short prose leading to a story, then a novel, the prose being a basic scene and the novel complex scenes and a D/s relationship.

There is nothing to be ashamed of allowing yourself to be guided and helped, to crawl before you walk, then get good at walking, after that you can run. I would not play first time, I would not try to second guess yourself, go with the flow, be relaxed, let things develop naturally and find your level in this. There is a danger of hearing all those stereotype voices, that if you allow them to, will push you to trying to be an over the top, aggressive domly dom, pushing you to give what you feel is the right kind of dominance, to be seen being dominant. But until you know this lady how can you know what is right for her, the possible dynamic, even before you know what kind of dom you are, or what to do and how to do it safely. So don't do this, go slowly, discover yourself, court this lady, discover her, find out how she ticks, what she likes, doesn't like, and together you will find the level in the dynamic. Also please do your due diligence regarding limits, soft and hard etc, that should be a two way process for both of you. Remember everything must be based on enthusiastic consent, and consent can be reversed, withdrawn at any time.

It will take time and patience to find the right way of this, and I would encourage you to keep it very basic at the start. Don't try to do any advanced BDSM activity. I would strongly encourage you to attend classes and workshops on the activities you want to do, with her, assuming they are on her ok to do list and also those things she would like to do with you.

As well as attending workshops, (arrange to go with her to them/learn together) read the Dominants Guide, Crow Academy websites. Read The Loving Dominant, and Screw the Roses send Me the Thorns books. Morgan Thornes You Tube channel is also great for how to tutorials. I would also urge you to learn as much as you can about the submissives view point and the submissives guide website and You Tube channel is very good for that, as is Evie Lupines You Tube channel, though she recently advocated faking it till you make it as being ok, and I strongly feel that isn't ok. BDSM is dangerous, learn to practice it, whatever it is for you, safely and always work on that basis. Safety first and first do no harm.

I wish you the very best with this, I am excited for you. Good luck.

Abizone​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2019

Wow!! Thats a lot!!

Thank you guys for your support!!
I'll try to read a lot before we meet and I'll keep you informed after if you want

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2019

@Abizone yes please do.

Abizone​(dom male) • Jan 29, 2019

Well, things didn't ended up as it was planned... We didn't meet and I got ghosted... End of story...........


Is respect still alive?