Why is it so hard to find a dom who wants a newbie sub.

Why is it so hard to find a dom who wants a newbie sub.

Vapeking56w​(sub male) • Jan 26, 2019

Im new to this lifestyle and ive had no luck so far. What should i do? Am i doing anything wrong?

DrWakko • Jan 26, 2019

Go to munches... go to events. Its hard to find you when no one knows you are out there.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 26, 2019

Well.. that's a new one on me. Or so I thought before putting in some thought., Once a sub signs on in here and sets up a profile, there's no shortage of would-be playmates blowing up your inbox. Sift through them and you may even come across a keeper-- but that tends to underscore why I don't play for keeps in an online setting.

First of course, there's the risk factor that, though seemingly far fetched yet as real as anything else-- the possibility a latter day Jack the Ripper is on the other end of the line and online there's no real way to prove otherwise.. But other than that, the logistics of what invariably winds up starting out as a long distance deal. Speaking only for myself, that's too much of a pain in the ass.. The kind of ass pain this masochist can do without.

My kink sessions to date came about purely out of the blue. I haven't been to a munch. I meet all kinds of people at ordinary clubs and unless the other playmate has to be somewhere early the next day I finish up a night out in someone's bed. It's there that my sex partners find out that I like it rough. The kinks get busy on me quickly while the vanilla guys (and gals) still have their way with me and vice versa and-- well-- kinky or plain I get what I set out to do.

So as to your query: Follow the advice above but know you don't have to just go to munches. Oftentimes the experience one seeks come about quite by accident.

Don't be in a hurry. Even if one is in their 40s and trying this out the first time-- there's always time to take your time and know sooner or later you'll get lucky.

As you well know, outside of munches-- and places like this-- being a kinky twisted fuck is not something one advertises to the "normal" world.

Kara​(sub female)​{Dark Roast} • Jan 26, 2019

Because you’re a male submissive looking online. Dommes are inundated with desperate males bothering them with instant submission, treating them like kink dispensers, or otherwise being a douche who doesn’t see them beyond their Domme role.

First, revamp your profile. Give yourself a personality outside kink. Put forth some effort. It’s hard, but so is submission. Mention activities and interests that someone may have in common with you and what you’re looking for in a woman. A profile is the first impression that someone gets of you after all.

Next, study. Educate yourself on various forms of kink and dynamic. It’s not just about doing what someone wants. It’s about intimacy and going beyond the surface of a relationship to deeper feelings and bonds than in the vanilla world. Like Wakko said, munches are a good place to get hooked up with your local community and find out about classes or technical demonstrations, but not everyone is into play parties and partners.

Lastly, and this is going to make me unpopular, decide what you want. If you just want to be bossed around and your sexual fantasies fulfilled, you’re in the wrong place. Get off sites like this and hire a professional. Women on community and kink dating sites are looking for emotional connection, not just jollies. Radical thought, I know.

All that said, good luck. Going down someone’s rabbit hole is a fun ride. The emotional charge is fun and crazy.

Bunnie • Jan 26, 2019

Hi @ Vapeking56w

I agree with the suggestion to maybe put a bit more into your profile, however I wouldn’t stress too much... you’ll find that as you learn more about things and yourself, you’ll naturally add more and shift things around.

I’ve noticed that you’ve only been here for a month. In my opinion, it depends what you’re looking for as to what you will find. Online play is rife, so I can’t imagine there being any difficulty finding that. However, if you’re looking for a potential long term relationship, on or offline... from observation, I would say it takes more time than a month to find that. I’m not suggesting it’s impossible, however, I haven’t really seen that happen successfully in the time I’ve been here.

You’re right in your observation that some people don’t want newbies, however, there are also many that prefer that, and even more that don’t care either way. I can’t see that being the factor preventing you from meeting someone. I honestly just think it’s a time thing.

Try to be as active as you’re comfortable with within the community, both on and off line. Work on learning about yourself, and the things that interest you. Breathe, try to relax and have a look around. Chat with people... it doesn’t have to be about kink... it can be about anything. Read profiles and send a respectful message to those who interest you. You’ll meet someone

Also... you could try the classifieds section.

DrWakko • Jan 26, 2019

If you are looking for a Dom I suggest going to gay leather bars.

Miss Anima​(dom female) • Jan 26, 2019

Dominte women are rare and outnumbered by submissives of both genders.
And your profile says you are a switch so that further the odds against you.

Justme26 • Jan 26, 2019

Online dating simply does not work for men. I am not saying that it does for women but there are about five men to one women on most sites. You need to get out in the world (so do I) start with local munches.

Why does your page say that you are a "daddy and on this page you seem to be a sub?

SubAtomic • Jan 26, 2019

Your profile has you as a Daddy and a Switch. And a virgin. I think you need to figure out more about yourself before looking for anyone.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 26, 2019

Your profile says "sub" and "daddy".
You might want to clarify that