Online D/s relationships

Online D/s relationships

SoaringFree​(sub female) • Jan 29, 2019

I have had many men emailing me asking if I would engage in an online D/s relationship. I'm not looking for this, but it makes me question, how would that even work? What does either person get out of it?

Dollly​(sub female) • Jan 30, 2019

Hey!
If you have never tried it out, whats the harm if you do? I have been in an online D/S relationship twice, both worked just fine. It´s all about trust, having time for it, actually being interested to the other person. You should atleast get to know some of them a little bit, you might like someone. In a online relationship it is important to be patient, loyal( if this is what was looking for), and submissive enough to do all he tells you to do on your own. If lying is a habit, it won´t work. Usually they like to control orgasms, tell you what to do, know a lot of your life. It´s all about sharing life. It is important to know you are both in the same page. When I started to have feelings towards my Doms, roleplaying came. Since there is no touch to skin contact, rolplaying about "what would you do", get a story line etc, was important so I could imagine if as they where right here where I am.

Sorry if sounded messy, trying to help !

Dolly x

Kara​(sub female)​{Dark Roast} • Jan 30, 2019

I personally find them unfulfilling, but I can’t even do long distance relationships for very long. In addition, most of the time, it’s a mutual arrangement between people who get all their other needs met by partners who they live with.

Certain aspects can be done overthe internet: wardrobe control, tasks, various other forms of behavioral control, and real feelings can develop. However, you don’t get the physical contact. You also have to make time instead of meeting that person for dinner on just being there on the couch with the watching Netflix. You’re outside their regular life, not a part of it.

It’s a hard limit for me. I need the relationship. I need the touch and the ordinary time. I need to be aware of his surroundings and his activities. Online relationships always left me wanting more.

Miki • Jan 30, 2019

Me neither. To be perfectly honest here and no diss to anyone but I'm not going to try something I know will not work for me. I have seen it described and following orders issued by KIK or whatever else they have out there.. just would make me feel like an ass. Receiving online commands and having to perform for a silly electronic eyeball.

Nope.


I'm sure it's fulfilling to some and more power to 'em but I agree with the O. P. Online BDSM doesn't light my burner and again with respect, I don't waste my time trying things I know won't work.

@closet sub: Put it on your profile. That'll at least reduce the inbox traffic to a dull roar. There are those who either don't read the profiles or don't take No for an answer but they give up soon enough.

ropefish • Jan 30, 2019

I personally agree with Dolly; why not just try it out? Assuming you find someone you bond with enough to submit to, of course.

I personally am not a fan of long distance relationships in general, and physical touch is very important to me. HOWEVER, I have had two very meaningful online kink dynamics - relationships that I wouldn't trade for anything. Though they may have been lacking in physical connection, the *emotional* bonds I had with those people were real. Those relationships taught me a lot about myself, as a person and as a submissive.

I wouldn't necessarily advise you to go *looking* for an online dynamic, but I think it's good to keep an open mind. All experiences can be valuable if you let yourself learn from them. Besides, online can turn into real life with the right person.

That said, I'm always wary of people messaging you asking for a relationship off the bat. I prefer getting to know people as friends - as people - first, and if it's meant to be then a dynamic will just fall into place.

Either way, good luck!

ropefish • Jan 30, 2019

Oops, I realize I didn't really answer your question haha.

To me, the most important aspect of kink is the mental one. Basically just because someone spanks me doesn't mean I'm submitting to them, or giving them control, or that we have a bond. I believe power exchange happens in the mind, and the physical aspects are an extension of that.

So to me it is thrilling when someone can turn me into a barely coherent submissive puddle without even touching me... just by using their words. The people I have submitted to online did that to me. We had amazing chemistry and it made me want to give them control. I did that by obeying what they wanted me to do. Sometimes I'd do as they said over camera in real time, sometimes I'd perform tasks that interrupted my daily life and reminded me of them, and of my submission. It gave me the same high that I've gotten from in-person play. Also the unfulfilled desire for physical contact, though incredibly frustrating, can also be so stimulating that it heightens the experience as well.

I'm not sure I'd ever *choose* online over in person, but it definitely has its merits. If the emotions and chemistry are right then I don't think it feels all that different. The hurdle is higher for sure, but if you find a Dom/me that doesn't need to touch you to control you, then you've really got something special.

Bunnie • Jan 31, 2019

Wow, awesome response @ nawa I agree with everything you said... lol of course

I have experienced an online relationship that I was hoping would become an in-person one. I struggled with a lot of aspects... time differences, lack of touch and intimacy... not being able to kneel at his feet, which for me is a huge one... that’s all I wanted to do
The emotional connection was very real. My growth as his submissive was very real. Unfortunately, my broken heart was very real.

I tend to believe that most, if not all people who advocate for online only relationships, have company of some type available to them offline... even if it’s a loveless marriage with no touching... it is still the physical presence of another person.

Being single in an online only relationship, I feel can be very isolating and unfulfilling in the long run. I think that’s why hardly any people can use a long term example for online. I’ve heard of maybe 2 years maximum... and then something changes. They either take it to offline or things end.

Savida​(kinky female) • Jan 31, 2019

Such broad strokes are being painted here.

Almost none of what’s being said here reflects anything that happens in my relationship, which, guess what, is online. It’s not any less valuable or real because of that. It’s quite healthy and beautiful and adds so much to both of our lives.

I’d feel silly doing a lot of the things listed above as well, but equally I don’t look down on anyone that does find some of those activities fulfilling or fun. We all have different needs and can meet them in different ways. Just because I can’t imagine enjoying something doesn’t mean someone else isn’t fulfilled by it.

To quickly answer the OP’s (respectfully asked, kudos to you) question...it can work in a variety of different ways. Just like any other kind of relationship, there is nuance and flexibility and people enter into them for more reasons than I could possibly count.

What do people get out of it? Again, it varies. Some are in it for sexual stimulation and excitement. Some end up in one because they form an unexpected bond through friendship and thus enjoy a very special and intimate kind of closeness regardless of the medium. There’s no one broad stroke we can use to describe online relationships, just like we can’t do with physical world relationships.

Should anyone wish to discuss further about this with someone who is actually in an online relationship, I’m happy to engage in respectful conversation via PM.

Individual choice

Sundryxx​(dom female) • Jan 31, 2019

My first Post but wanted to reply.
I am relatively new to lifestyle ( 2 yrs). I discovered I am a sensual dominate female. Not into extremes. I am poly, have a bf( not into lifestyle but aware), and a sub male with voyeristic/ cuck fetishes.
My relationship with current sub is virtual due to distance. It works for both. I believe this is because we have built a relationship. It requies trust, honesty, and comitment of time. Like all good relationships.
I did not go into this looking for cyber relationship but it works for us. The experience has taught me to experiment if works great- if doesnt walk away lesson learned. It also has required growth in knowledge and skill.
I learn, I grow-

Like everything -the choice- if it works or does not is very individualized.

DrWakko • Jan 31, 2019

I do not believe you can have D/s relationships online. Though I do believe you can have a relationship online.

Just because you call someone Sir or Ma’am doesn’t mean you are a submissive or submitting to someone.

I believe online “submission” is done for the other person and not for the self. If a “Dom” says to a “sub” that they have a 11p bedtime. The sub says “yes sir” but does the “sub” do the task? The “sub” can say that they did it. How is the “Dom” to know? Unless this “Dom” has a 24/7 webcam right in the “subs” bedroom that “Dom” will never know. As long as the “sub” doesn’t answer the phone or logs into chat or social media, the “sub” could be at a bar having a great night and no one would be none the wiser.

I believe online D/s is just role playing and not real roles. I pose this question: does playing the video game Call of Duty make you a soldier? The answer is no. While in the game you are role playing as one, but as soon as you turn off the game you are back to your normal self. This is the same for being online. You turn on your system and you are now “Dom” or “sub”, turn it off and you are now you again.

To touch on bunnies comment about people having real life relationships along side of their cyber ones. All parties have to beware of the relationships going on or it’s cheating. Cheating and lying violate the golden rule of D/s which is trust. I do know that some people do have relationships set up where they don’t know or want to know who their partner is with.

Being in a real life relationship and being part of the community opens the door to events, classes, socials, munches and play parties. Things you can not get on line.

One of my favorite comments I hear is when someone steps out from behind the computer and goes to a community event and says “wow I wish I did this sooner!”