I'm in control, but where do I go?

I'm in control, but where do I go?

sugartitsu​(dom female){unavailabl} • Feb 6, 2019

To keep it simple, I'm a dominant female in a partnership with a submissive mamr. I'm fairly new to being dom(since last month) and while I've had no experience prior to this coupling, I've managed fairly well. There's lots of pegging, using a cock cage, restraints & blindfolds, and diving deeper into some other fetishes; I'm pretty open to whatever as long as I'm not drawing blood or having to take someone to the hospital.

My reason for posting is that we were discussing things we could do in future trysts and he asked about my ideas. I didn't have much to offer since this is still new to me & I don't want to be cliché. One of my ideas was having him have his cock cage on at work while I sent him explicit photos but even then that sounds a little lackluster. Ultimately, he wants to be left begging. So, here I am...begging for some fun ideas. Based on what I mentioned, any suggestions?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 6, 2019

This should be about you and your needs and desires. Yep! I get it you also want him happy but you can do so, without ignoring your own needs. He will enjoy the process MORE if you are enjoying yours. Be true to you, you'll last longer and wont burn out from trying to be something your not. Find your own style and own it. Nothing is sexier thasn a woman that knows what she wants...and OWNS it!

Take what you want and desire and use to your advantage. You mentioned a scene above, its not boring if its YOUR fantasy! That is what your sub will enjoy, being of use to you.

For inspiration: Try watching some movies, looking at clips, pictures. Don't forget art works too (likes of sardax etc) Gay (M/m) pictures and porn is often a very good source with no annoying Female in the way of the male, we want to see!. What gets you hot from those? What can you take from those and work with them? Keep a scrape book or an idea box, either online or real time. I used both at one stage. Delve into it when you need an idea or a spark you off in a direction. Add to it. Be like an interior designer of your own fantasy....make your own mood boards like they do....dip into the ideas when your feeling less inspired.

themes often help too, if you trying to build idea. For eg I just looked in my kitchen and its a mess, so that my inspiration for today! Wooden spoons spring to mind, spatulas and power cords. I think heat with kitchens and water. My mind jumps to sitting on my counter with a spatula, glass of wine in hand watching him clean it. Perhaps a cock ring and leash, tied to the sink, directing him, punishing him, pushing him. Build on the theme add foods, textures and layers. What does hot and cold do to him (what does it DO TO YOU? NEVER FORGET YOU) You can morph this idea to any room of the house. Doesn't need to always need to stay in the bedroom. We dont all have the perfect space to play in.

Have you tried going through a kink list? Both of you? where do your interests intersect? Play in that area first, its where you'll BOTH be the most comfortable. What else interests you from the lists? Start the whole from above again.....see the pattern?

Have him write "his" fantasies for you. I'm not saying act out these fantasies as that would make you his puppet (or him TFTB) but then write HIS stories to what you want. You can use the same pic/movie/art work idea too with his ideas.

I could list a million one of ideas but the ideas are best when they come from YOU and what you really want....what you really want, is what Femdom is about. There is no right or wrong, only wrong for you.

Another idea is setting a direction you want to travel with him. Do you want him...lets say flexible?for E.G: is it important to you that he can get in certain positions for rope work or restraints? You can build whole themes around this
steady as a rock? for E.G for Depersonalization (human furniture etc) same idea!
His tongue more active? (oral) Are you service motivated (or is he) Is he pain based or sensation? sexual? Do you like structures and protocols (if so at what level?) Do you like positions that set? or less ? Is he to follow voice alone, or do you like to hand gestures?
the idea being, when you play take notes. What could he improve on? What can you correct? make the next "lesson" about that, that he got wrong (and right). Build on the "theme or ideas" that interested you. Build protocols and rules from these. (In the early days, Just a hint here KISS works best <keep it simple sugar>) Consistency is the key to training a good sub. less is easier to remember for you both)

All it takes is an idea to run with...then just go where your mind (and lust) takes you. Best of luck.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 6, 2019

Ok. Im going to ask a question that I always ask that no one answers.


What fantasies do you masturbate to?


You are the Domme.

I am glad that you want him pleased. That's a great quality.

Your ideas of a cock cage sound like a lot of fun. (Look into male chasitity device's.)

My question for you is:

Apart from him--- what are your desires?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 17, 2019

sugartitsu​...How'z it all going?