Predatory Behavior

Predatory Behavior

RopePrincess​(sub female) • Apr 7, 2019

...and not in the fun fetish sense.

Wannabe Doms looking to get laid seem to be rampant among BDSM websites like this one. It’s discouraging. Why be so disingenuine? I find it difficult to build trust when starting new dialogue with Doms; my wall is already up and I’m raising my eyebrows. I’m finding BDSM to be a lonely place. I feel good about finally being able to embrace my kinky side while at the same time feeling isolated. Can anyone shed some light? I’m missing the real human connection that is seemingly lost through social media fetish sites. It makes me sad.

Vortexa​(dom female) • Apr 7, 2019

Are you talking about dom guys looking for one-night stand type of things - is that what you mean by predatory behavior?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 7, 2019

Agree with the above question.

Also wanted to point out that s types are also predatory. They just do it differently.


On the flip side ---

As much as I struggle with BDSM communities- as much good as there is bad, as in all things.

I cannot deny I am awakened and driven and in love with what I see as potential.

What BDSM has brought to my life. What it brings to others. How people come alive in their bdsm skin.

I hope you find a community that embraces you soon!

RopePrincess​(sub female) • Apr 7, 2019

I don’t even get to the physical part. They start talking about their cocks and wanting to cum inside me and no other substance. It amounts to basically phone sex then I call them out and they don’t respond again. I’m trying to make more local connections through FetLife but that forum is probably worse. It just reaches a wider audience.

And I agree, s types can be predatory too.

I struggle with separating out whose genuine and whose not.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2019

@RopePrincess

Its a net problem mostly, but can happen in the physical world, abeit manifests differently at events, parties, in dungeon spaces and at munches.

Most of these pmers/Bonders are what is called HNG, Horny Net Guys, though some women can pretend to be men, and the other way too. They are not doms, just idiots who think that subs are an easy source to provide them with wank fodder. My advice is block them as soon as they start. I would not even reply.

There are though some ignorrant doms, wanabe doms who think this is how to start with someone. Start like you would in any vanilla setting, none of these people would say walk into a bar and pull out their cock and shout cum on ladies suck me off. Can you imagine what would happen. So why would you do it on here, just jump into someones in box and act like a complete ass hole? Best not to engage or try to educate them as you will get a mouth full of abuse as their frail egos can't handle the rejection. My advice block. The block/mute button is your friend.

Any such crap pass it on to site admin and compile a list of these idiots you can pass on to fellow subs/switches, but not the content of the pm which would break site rules. Subs should help keep each other safe and a heads up re these types can help subs avoid issues with rude ass holes.

I hope your experience on here improves.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 7, 2019

Honestly, it's a problem innate to the lifestyle. Predatory people hear about our community, where people engage in relationships based on conceding control and power, and see it as ripe hunting grounds.

It's an issue that has existed since before De Sade himself characterized the behaviour entirely. Subsequently, I doubt we're any closer to a solution than we were back then. Atleast nowadays, especially in the cases you've described, they mostly make their true nature known early, so it's that much easier to ignore.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 7, 2019

@Dollmaker

I'm gonna have to disagree that its mostly a net problem.

This is net, irt, m,t,w,th,f,s,s.

As a community we have the same issues that the gen pop does.

Also-- as our community becomes smarter so do our predators.

You are lucky when right off the bat they show their crazy. You can easily say block and then move on. Those aren't the Predators that people should really worry about however.


It's the sophisticated, articulate, predators that know how to build trust first before they destroy people.


I think that you're giving a blessing when somebody comes at you in a way where you can block them right away.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2019

Regarding percentages its a bit more common come across issue online, but it most certainly is a physical world issue as well, predators exist in both and often the same people operate in both. I have been critised in the past for being too vocal re the issues in the physical world, raining on peoples parade/a kill joy, and I was not trying to dismiss or underplay physical world problems, simply suggest that its a bit more common online.

My choice of 'mostly' was a poor one and gave the wrong impression.

RopePrincess​(sub female) • Apr 7, 2019

I’m so naive!!! I’m that person who gives EVERYONE a chance and the benefit of the doubt but I’m quickly learning to be more guarded. Thank you for all your insights. As a society, why can’t we just be good human beings? Hopefully karma finds those who aren’t. It’s sometimes difficult to navigate on a personal level and I find it difficult to not feel hurt. Why feel hurt over someone I’ve never even met? It seems crazy. Note to self - grow thicker skin.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2019

@RopePrincess

I too am often too nice for my own good and I would from time to time also have to say I have been naive, I have been played and been hurt on here too, so its not just doms who manipulative, lie, are predatory, subs can be as well, though often in different ways. I too have given some second chances and have been bit in the ass by that. I too want to believe the best of people, but often that has turned out to be misplaced. I tend these days to be much more careful and slow to open up and trust, but part of me still wants to believe that more people are nice, ethical, caring and not scum bags. Maybe I am a fool in that regard.