Help With Increasing My Tolerance to Pain

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Apr 10, 2019

I agree with the Dom about his take on a slow build up. You’ll want him to start light and slowly push your boundaries over time. I think this is true with all forms of play, not just pain. BDSM gives us the opportunity to expand our horizons and experience things that appear scary or taboo under the guidance of our Doms and hopefully find things that we find enjoyable that we never would have known before had we not been pushed past our comfort zones.

My advise to you as a masochist is to incorporate pleasure into the pain. For example, like Bunnie suggested, masturbating while you have the nipple clamps on. If you combine pleasure and pain often enough, your brain will start to register the pain as pleasure. Your body will crave the pain because it knows that pleasure will follow. I know this from experience and now pain and pleasure go hand in hand for me.

However, this requires a Dom who’s willing to train your body in that way. If the Dom is a self proclaimed Sadist, he may not be interested in that. Many Sadists enjoy giving pain just for the sake of seeing you writhe in pain. There are masochists who are perfect companions in those situations because they enjoy receiving pain, even without pleasure. But if your tolerance for pain is low and you don’t enjoy pain just for pain’s sake, you’ll want to clarify that with him and see if he’s amenable to providing pain training (in hopes that you’ll learn to enjoy it).

Fen'Harel​(dom male) • Apr 11, 2019

Ok so S/M is more than me giving my sub pain.. It helps take the trivialties of life away and help reduce stress for her. Making it more love than just hurt. I enjoy bitting my sub untill she screams into a pillow. Or spanking her until her entire backside is cherry red. Being a Sadist is WAY more than just hurting people... It's helping you sub find zen and focus on the pain instead of stress, worries, anxiety etc. TBH I have a very healthy relationship with Shiro and we love it.. Try it out and maybe you'll like it.

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 11, 2019

Dear
Thank tou for your coment. it makes sence to me.
I guess i have to e xperience more things to know my limits. I’m worrying about simething i dont know exactly if its a problem. A little to anxious i’d say.
I might Relax more and enjoy the gift of discovering my submission.
Take care
Cris

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 12, 2019

Bunnie
Thanks for your reply.
I tried to contact you but couldnt you an email. Would
You be interested in contacting me? So i guess this way i would be able to interact with you.
Thank you
Cris

VWS • Apr 16, 2019

The experience of pain is very subjective. I'm sure most people have been surprised to find a wound on their body and having no idea when it happened.

People get used to pain if they choose to accept it. Hard massage, Brazilian waxing, bumps and bruises from sport, and so on. If you see it as part of something you enjoy, it becomes easier to accept. There was an actual scientific study that demonstrated that women's pain tolerance increased when they became sexually aroused.

As others have said, you should try to associate sexual stimulation with pain. Never try to force yourself to take more than you are comfortable with. In addition, find out what kinds of pain you are most comfortable with and focus on that. Your mental state is important too. A fantasy or imagined situation can help a lot. Does humiliation excite you? Or perhaps you find the idea of proudly taking pain as a demonstration of your strength of will stimulating?

Pain tolerance isn't something that works in isolation. You need the right mental and physical setting, the right kind of pain, and the actual desire to experience the pain as something positive and not something to be simply endured as a necessary evil.

Most of all, be careful, be safe, and be happy.

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 16, 2019

HELLO VWS
thank you for your replay.
I do also think pain has to do with the context one is in.
I dont know really if i can take lots of pain, and am still finding out if I WANNA get that. My question now is: can you be a sub and dont take lots of pain?
I mean lots, not a littke , which i like.

What do you think about it?
Read your orodile very interesting!!!!


Cris


quote="VWS"]The experience of pain is very subjective. I'm sure most people have been surprised to find a wound on their body and having no idea when it happened.

People get used to pain if they choose to accept it. Hard massage, Brazilian waxing, bumps and bruises from sport, and so on. If you see it as part of something you enjoy, it becomes easier to accept. There was an actual scientific study that demonstrated that women's pain tolerance increased when they became sexually aroused.

As others have said, you should try to associate sexual stimulation with pain. Never try to force yourself to take more than you are comfortable with. In addition, find out what kinds of pain you are most comfortable with and focus on that. Your mental state is important too. A fantasy or imagined situation can help a lot. Does humiliation excite you? Or perhaps you find the idea of proudly taking pain as a demonstration of your strength of will stimulating?

Pain tolerance isn't something that works in isolation. You need the right mental and physical setting, the right kind of pain, and the actual desire to experience the pain as something positive and not something to be simply endured as a necessary evil.

Most of all, be careful, be safe, and be happy.[/quote]

VWS • Apr 16, 2019

For me at lest, "a lot of pain" isn't an absolute. Just like "a lot of money" varies depending on how wealthy you are.

In terms of the amount or degree of pain I inflict on a sub, it depends very much on her limits. It is how much I am hurting her as an individual that matters, not the absolute number of (say) cane strokes or even how hard I am hitting.

So long as the sub is honestly trying to take the pain and not exaggerating the degree of distress she is in, observing her eyes, expression, breathing, and body language gives you a pretty good idea of how near she is to her personal limit. It is playing with her limits that arouses me, not sheer damage. Of course in the long term she might build up her pain tolerance, but it is not the critical factor. I see the sub's pain as her gift to me. If she can learn to enjoy it too, that is a plus.

Look at it this way. Would a super masochistic sub who laughs even as you cut her to ribbons with a whip really be that much more interesting than a sub who struggles to bear a medium spanking but is equally willing to let you spank her to her limits?

I suppose there are sadists who need certain levels of punishment in order to feel aroused or satisfied, but you have to consider whether that suits your needs and desires as well.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 16, 2019

To answer your question yes and no. You can work on being able to take more pain through breathing exercises, altering thought processes, utilizing dream state, and consistency of play.

The no part of the answer is your body will have a limit. When your body has decided that there is a limit there's nothing you can do. All bodies have limits. And for good reason.



That being said my concern here is that your D type is not hearing your limit.

I know that you seem very driven to be with this particular D type and for that you deserve support.

But at the same time the alarm that is being raised here is coming from places of experience.


I think some questions you should maybe ask yourself are:


What does it mean for you and the relationship if you are not able to take the kind of pain that this D type is interested in?


What does it mean for you and the relationship if you are able to take the kind of pain that the D type would like you to take BUT the end product is that you are triggered because of that amount of pain?



What does it mean for you and the relationship if the D type legitimately will not hear your limits?


Please understand that the concern here it's probably not what you want to hear. And it probably doesn't make a lot of sense to you right now. Over time as this relationship develops you may want to reference this.


You are new to BDSM. So the alarm here is doubled. If you are being told that being an s type requires you to take pain then you are being lied to.

If you are being told that your ability to take pain is directly related to your worth in BDSM then you are being lied to.


If you are telling yourself that your inability to take pain will limit your activity in BDSM and limit your ability to identify in a way that feels right for you then please understand that is not true.



Whatever you decide please know that you can come here to talk about it.

Crissub​(sub female) • Apr 22, 2019

Thank you Sir for your answer.
It was completely understood.
In fact the relationship we were trying to start already failed for other reasons.
But i absolutely agree with you. One have the right to take the amount of pain their body feel confortable with.
And if someone try to push your limits higher it means you both are not in the same page.
Better look for a better fit.

Cris

Miki • Apr 22, 2019

Masochist here... Speaking only for myself, the pain that gets me off is in sexual situations and does not involve wnything that breaks the skin. Whips, crops and nipple pinching, yes. But aside from when I am aroused I'm not into pain for its own sake.

Perhaps that is what defines a sexual masochist from an overall masochist.

Aside from that... it may have already been addressed but to stress the point, no dom worth his salt should expect you to take more than your threshold allows. He needs to be patient and when a limit is reached that doesn't want to budge, as it were, then he needs to accept that and either take you as you are or, unpleasant as it may sound-- find another sub.

When something like pain (there are other aspects which must abide limits as well) is forced upon you beyond what you are ready to tolerate then the whole D/s dynamic goes to hell in a handbasket.

You can up the threshold a bit by having it combine with sexual stimulation.. at least that's how I roll-- but again we're all wired differently and one sub's pain is this masochist's tickle.