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An Ode to People Who Read Your Bio Before Messaging You

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Paige_LaMarchand​(sub female)
4 years ago • 04/27/2017 6:45 pm

An Ode to People Who Read Your Bio Before Messaging You

Paige_LaMarchand​(sub female) • 04/27/2017 6:45 pm
You know, rather than just looking at your photo and sending:

'Hi.'

Or.

'hello'

Or.

Being a guy and telling me all about what sort of interests they have in kink and D/s when I'm a lesbian.

* * * *

This happens on all the social media platforms that could even remotely be considered dating platforms (I don't consider this to be one, being that I haven't posted a classified, but okay).

And it's only men who do it. If a woman contacts me, it's because she's responding to a writing and has something to say.

And this is common for most women on the internet. I hear about it All. The. Time.

My personal favourite response, ever, didn't happen on this platform, but I must share.

Him: Hi, are you looking for a Dom?
Me: Yes, but I'm a lesbian.
Him: I don't mind.

...

As though he would overlook some fault in order to be my Dominant. That's not how it works.

This is why I don't spend much time on forums or dating apps. Even choosing 'hide my account from heterosexuals' on OK Cupid gets straight women trolling for a third for them and their husbands even though my profile says very clearly, right at the top LESBIAN. You can't win if you're a woman on the internet.

And don't tell me it's a compliment, fellas. If gay guys were talking to you and trying it on and making comments all the time even though you stated you were straight, you'd be annoyed, too. Particularly if you lived in a culture that told you your worth was based on if gay guys wanted to fuck you.

'Just block them, then.'

That's the 'no means no' version of social media and I thought we were supposed to be all about 'yes means yes'? No woman should have to block unwanted advances and time-wasting messages from people who haven't even bothered to read their bios. If they *had* read your bio they wouldn't have wasted their *own* time by sending a message in the first place.

* * * *

To the People Who Read Your Bio Before Messaging You:

Thank you, wherever you may be. With all the people in the world, I'm sure you exist, I just haven't met any of you yet.

The people who treat me like a person are the people who listen to my show. It's as though, because they've heard my voice and information about my life they know I'm an actual human being. I *do* genuinely thank those people. But they're nice because they've already learned I'm a human and don't exist merely to fulfill their fantasies.
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Misdee​(dom female)
4 years ago • 04/29/2017 4:10 am

Well said!

Misdee​(dom female) • 04/29/2017 4:10 am
It is nice when your profile is read. Thumbs up!!
Theo Seymo​(dom male)
4 years ago • 05/08/2017 7:02 pm

I am one who reads,

Theo Seymo​(dom male) • 05/08/2017 7:02 pm
And puts to consideration what you have written, what it means, how it should mean towards me, and others. The fact your a lesbian is not in question with some of these guys, but how serious about it you are, they're thinking it's just your choice, that your not seriously only interested in females, maybe it's their ignorance or not knowing, it may seem like common knowledge or common sense, but we both know common sense ain't common, if it was, you'd have far less to complain about. I read this post, and didn't even need to read your profile to get the gist of what's wrong with this picture. Thank you for acknowledgement for us readers, but if they message you still, you still have to tell them you only like women because they won't stop coming nor will it matter if you could block them. Correct, and notify if they don't get it, ignore them if you can't block them.
zerodashhero​(sub male)
4 years ago • 05/25/2017 5:06 am
zerodashhero​(sub male) • 05/25/2017 5:06 am
Not to make excuses, but:

I know that a lot of people who are into kink came by it the hard way: some kind of abuse or neglect during their formative years. (No, that's not everyone, but a substantial number. ) That's the kind of thing that can also tend to lead to a lack of knowledge regarding appropriate social conduct. Doesn't make it right, fair, just, or more likely to get us what we want, but knowing why it is happening may make it less irksome being on the receiving end. It might even invite some kind if blunt instruction for a first time offender, for those in a giving mood.
Also, there's a gender difference that makes a difference: males are biologically programmed to seek out as much as possible, the better to spread their seed as widely as possible. If you're being an aggressive jerk gets you 5 yes votes for every thousand attempts, you are still ahead despite getting shut down 995 times. I personally like This Thing We Do more when I have a real connection with my partner, versus a drive by spanking, but I recognize that not everyone is similarly motivated. I can't speak for my entire gender, but finding a way to disincenrivize that behavior will probably take community-wide action.
Misdee​(dom female)
4 years ago • 05/25/2017 6:54 am
Misdee​(dom female) • 05/25/2017 6:54 am
To Zerodashero
You do make a good point as far as not all of us having great social skills for what ever reason. And the point about the guys that are trying to find ladies true also of course these are my very own opinions. Thank you for sharing because I just learned things that I had not thought of before!
Dee
Conquest​(switch male)
4 years ago • 05/25/2017 8:17 am
Conquest​(switch male) • 05/25/2017 8:17 am
I must say, despite what I said on here earlier, there is quite a problem of people messaging asking if I'll be their dom, or If they want to be my master. In general, it's all quite rude.

So I surmise to say that now I fully understand what the female caste of this website, and society as a whole, experience.
Miss Shadow
4 years ago • 05/28/2017 9:42 pm
Miss Shadow • 05/28/2017 9:42 pm
Thank you for this!! Also goes for bi/pan girls, too. I clearly state on all of my profiles that I have enough men in my life and I am not looking for any more, but who ever messages me? Men. ONLY men. No thanks, not interested.
EmberAshdown​(switch female){Collared}
4 years ago • 05/30/2017 5:51 pm
Preach it to the world!
No one quite understands how greatly appreciated it is to receive a message that contains depth that was taken from information read in a bio. People spend the time writing bios, so interested parties could at least make the effort to put in the time to read said bio. And it's obvious if you haven't, too, even if someone tries to write a longer message in hopes no one notices the lack of reading that was done. Plenty of times on the other site I'm on have I received a message that's pretty long-winded, but includes nothing of my profile and everything that is the opposite of my interests.
If you're truly interested in someone, you'll take the time to learn what you can from what they've written. It shows willingness and respect.
Zeus2512​(dom male)
4 years ago • 06/04/2017 11:50 am
Zeus2512​(dom male) • 06/04/2017 11:50 am
I personally like to read profiles before contacting anyone, and yes, I will try and make a reference to something in that as well. Even then with an obvious Dom Name, and stating that I'm straight, it is amazing how many people want me to be their sub (both boys and girls) and how many men want me to be their Dom.

Although this part of the world is hidden from the rest, we do need to treat each other with respect be they Dom, sub, Straight or Gay and any variation in between.
Zeus