Life is strange or HELP!!!!

Life is strange or HELP!!!!

Justme26 • Jun 3, 2019

Life is strange and you just never know, and the answer to my problem might seem obvious to other people but I just can not see it clearly and all advice would be very gratefully excepted. This all happened on a different site, and one on which I do not ask for advice, because a lot of people on there are dicks. I was not going to mention this on here, for a few weeks, because, so the more cynical part of my mind points out, it could be a scam or just not work out. The last time that happened it was embarrassing and unpleasant.

just under a week ago I received a message from a girl who essentially wanted to discuss the possibility of long distance play. She said that she enjoy degradation, so I sent her back a quite degrading message, which is not something that I do naturally, but I found it to be very liberating. She is 21 (I am 57). I will not say to much more about her as I do not, mostly, talk about people, but she seemed very enthusiastic. We exchanged messages and everything seemed to be going well (however, last night I sent what I thought were three very simple tasks, and she has not replied, but that is only a day so maybe I am just being paranoid).

Today I received another message from another girl, the same age and similar circumstances. I sent her a short message (maybe two weeks ago) and her reply was “I’m interested”. (This is the first response that I have had in over a year. Its weird). In short I can not really pick between them until I know more.

I do not lie to people (. . . hardly ever) so, as I see it, I have two choices: 1. Stick with the first and tell the second “sorry” or 2. Ask both how they would feel about a two way arrangement? Let me just add that I would be fine with an open arrangement (and I was actually thinking that the first girl should really be getting some real life sex).

So what does anyone think? PS. Sorry this is a bit long.

Lexxa​(sub female) • Jun 3, 2019

Here’s how I sort of look at the situation. In a way you’ve already answered your own question. “In short I can not really pick between them until I know more.” If you’ve only been in contact with both of these individuals for 1-2 weeks max I’d say it’s far too soon to know for sure which would fit the dynamic you’re seeking best. I’d personally hold off on trying to make any official decision before you’ve had a chance to really get to know both parties. The more you communicate the better idea you’ll have regarding which one best meets the needs of the dynamic you both are seeking.

In addition, if I’ve learned anything over the years of online communication, if it’s not meant to be the conversation will fizzle out quickly or if one of the parties involved isn’t feeling it they’re likely to eventually just stop contributing. It’s common, it’s normal and just comes with the online landscape. I wouldn’t get too caught up in worrying about something not working out. It’s ok for things to not work out it’s just a sign it wasn’t meant to be and by moving on you’re both opening yourselves up for the right person to come along.

Now, if after let’s say a full month or more of communicating both parties are still just as eager and both seem to not only meet your needs but you meet theirs as well then at that point you can step back and really weigh the options. If you know you are open to an open arrangement now then you could casually bring it up and gauge interest. If they’re both open to it, then great! If not, then it comes down to whether you value first come first serve over which you think will ultimately best meet your needs and vice versa. When all is said and done we’re all people first so it is helpful to take a step back from the D/s side of things and really get to know them as people first, kink second.

Hopefully this helps in some way, just my thoughts and opinions on the matter. I wish you all the luck in your search!

Justme26 • Jun 6, 2019

Sorry Lexxa, I forgot to thank you!!

drdomme​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2019

One hour, you can have two, the next one, zero or maybe more. A few exchanges of messages does not mean much IMO; people are very fickle online and lose interest rapidly.

Justme26 • Jun 7, 2019

Drdomme, yes, I get that know!!!!!

Freya369 • Jun 7, 2019

What is becoming very clear to me within this milieu....or any milieu for that matter, is to take things one at a time...in terms of communication, it may have seemed you had some sort of relationship with girl No. 1, may I suggest, you did not.

Can one really send a raunchy message off the "get go" without establishing some sort of mutual understanding? At the very least around how to finish with someone in a clear way. ...so that everyone knows where they stand.

2 girls at the same time? Well fair enough, but are you REALLY sure can handle this?

57 21.....someone needs to know what they are doing...surely it has to be the older of the two?

Or am I really way off here?

SirPain​(dom male) • Jun 7, 2019

@drdomme​(sub female),

"... people are very fickle online and lose interest rapidly.", you said a mouthful.

I'm 69 and have been in this lifestyle for over 30 years. When I came into the lifestyle there was no internet. One had to arrange a meeting over the phone or through a reference from someone both knew (this was actually the best way). Usually a munch was the best way to meet someone because both had the opportunity to sit quietly and talk to each other. Messaging was not really an option because home computers and cell phones had not been invented. It seems that today, messaging is about the only way to meet people and that's not really a very reliable method due to, as you stated, "...people are very fickle online and lose interest rapidly." I've become somewhat underwhelmed by the quality of subs/slaves in the community today. Finding a quality sub/slave today is like Jason and the Arrgonates (?) finding the Golden Fleece. A real fantasy.

TooTallD​(dom male) • Jun 7, 2019

My suggestion to you is to be open with both of them what -you- want. As the Dom, you have the onus of being the rock in anything, and that starts with honesty, openness and communication.

If I were in your shoes, I would make the decision on one, the other, or both and then bring it to both of them at the same time. As with everything, be prepared for rejection or acceptance and willing to take the consequences of your decision.

That’s really all you can do.

TheAnt​(dom male) • Jun 7, 2019

The problem with virtual Dom/sub dynamics is it is tough to know who the other person is or what the time availaibity they have is.. It is also possible that the person was just curious and then decided that that she changed her mind or found a local. I try not to invest too much time and energy until she has at least completed the first couple of tasks within an allotted amount of time, then I drop her after two failures. I do not know her actual time availability so I give her the benefit of the doubt twice. After that, she has pretty well shown she is not dedicated to the dynamic and will just basically waste your time. There are a lot of subs out there searching for a Dom who is willing to dedicate some time to them and visa versa. I also avoid sites like fetlife and the basic hookup once sites as I see what we Doms do as a lifestyle and therefore it is worth my time investment and energy and as such the sub needs to be willing to put in her time and energy.
Good lick on your search and I hope the second one works out (I have my doubts on the first as per what you said).
Ant

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jun 8, 2019

Be honest upfront.
Let everyone know whats going on and what your intentions are.

Then everyone can make their own choice.