Stories and Thoughts

Stories and Thoughts

ShortRedWine​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2019

Im trying to explain the BDSM and the life style to a man interested, he isnt getting it.
im looking for some advice or stories to help me explain to him and show him.
I cant necessarily show him how to be a dom if i am a sub. What he looked up isnt good information.

TheEdgeofDarkness​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2019

Create an account here for him.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Jun 8, 2019

It's all about trust. From bondage, to fetish play, to role play, to EVERYTHING here, it's about the trust.

Here's the shortest way to frame it: One person puts their well-being in another's hands, and both enjoy the experience.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jun 8, 2019

Do not take responsibility for his learning.

Take him to events.
Let him know about thecage.
Then take a step back to see how much he does on his own .


He may not be interested in the lifestyle AS MUCH as he is interested in you.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2019

I echo what has been said so for. I would add that you cannot light the spark within him, he must be the one to do it. One cannot just become "Dominant" or "submissive" for that matter. You may play a role and act as one or the other (or both to be inclusive), but actually "being" any of those is inside of you.

Many of us played games as children and we gravitated to roles that allowed us to be what we didn't even know we were then. It wasn't until much later, we realized "eureka, that's why I liked to tie people up!" That is a simplistic view and of course, not everyone who likes to tie people up is a Dominant, some just like the power or ropes. For me, I was always the leader with my friends. I would always be the one they would listen to and who would come up with the "bright ideas." Of course, some of those, due to the limitations of maturity etc., were hair-brained at best. But, that was my "role" and it just was, we never decided that, they would just look to me. That same inherent "spark" led me to the military, where I excelled and was always a leader as well. And finally to my career path where I am a President of a union local. Again, I gravitated to those positions of power and I excelled at them.

Now, I could have done all of that without ever becoming a Dominant. However, very early on I learned of this lifestyle and it just "fit." The more I learned the more I realized that this is "me." So all of that to say, that if your man doesn't believe he is Dominant or doesn't have that spark, you will be hard-pressed to convince him otherwise. Oh, you may convince him to play kinky games and he might even be good at them. But, being a true Dominant isn't just putting on black leather and wielding a flogger, oh to be so easy. It is MUCH, MUCH more and it comes from inside. If he doesn't have it, I do not believe he can just learn it. Others' opinions may differ, I speak ONLY for myself.

1crazygirl​(sub female) • Jun 18, 2019

There are lots of places including here to learn about the BDSM Lifestyle.... online and off. Books , magazines even Wikipedia will explain it out to anyone. The answer I typically give to those who claim they want to learn is; " I am a sub a babygirl/brat with little girl tendencies, I can't really tell you how to go about being a Dom or DaddyDom. It's something that you feel, you can go and learn about it but deep down it's something you feel." I explain to them that in BDSM it's not about the pain or who's the boss or even the sex its an exchange of power and releasing of power between people.