Trauma Bonds

Trauma Bonds

AngelicOne​(sub female){Owned} • Jun 18, 2019

I am curious as to how many subs have experienced trauma bonds with Doms?

I only recently learned there was such a term, for what I had been experiencing, and I am currently working on staying strong, staying away, and healing myself from the damage done.

I knew things weren’t right for a long time, but anytime I brought them up, I was accused of ‘self sabotaging’ and told I ‘just need to listen better’

Any and all experiences, opinions, or healing techniques are welcome.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jun 18, 2019

Would you please explain the term:)

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 19, 2019

Flippyn, are referring to the abuse cycle? Why its hard to leave someone that abuses you?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding

(If I'm understanding you correctly some call this a version of Stockholm syndrome)

Any healing takes time, you need to allow yourself time to unravel conditioning's put in place. Some healing takes a professional. There is no shame in seeking help if you feel that abuse is the cause. In you where in a BDSM relationship and suffered abuse, that you feel broke you, you can get help through many different sources. Plus of course here at Caged is also a great support. Reach out to others. You don't need to be alone.

Here are a few to get you started (if that is the path you wish to take)

Fetlife (https://fetlife.com/) a kink/BDSM social media site which has groups for discussion of kink-aware therapy. You will need to create a profile before you can send messages. Be aware of your privacy and that you may not be able to delete public comments

NCSF (national coalition sexual freedom) have a list of kink aware therapists (https://www.ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/kink-aware-professionals-59776)

If you’re having trouble finding someone in the local area you may have more success looking further afield for someone who offers counseling by telephone or via online video software such as Skype.

If you are paying for private counseling it is wise to shop around and contact a number of different counselors or therapists. It's fine to ask questions beforehand just as it is when paying for any other service - good counselors will be open to this.

It may not be easy discussing your kink with a stranger; there is no need to go into details if you don’t want to - you can simply ask if they are kink-aware or if they have experience working with issues around BDSM. You could always approach the potential therapist over email if that is easier than doing so over the phone, or to say that it is something you would prefer to talk about in person. It is also okay not to bring this up at first point of contact but to wait until you have built up a relationship with your counselor and feel comfortable discussing kink with them.

If a potential counselor is not willing to work with you this is not necessarily a personal judgement –many counselors have little training in sexuality and may see kink as something beyond their ability or experience. If you ask they may be able to recommend another practitioner. It is sometimes seen as a specialist area so finding the right person may take a while but it is worth investing the time; a counselor who really understands your issues can be invaluable.

the best thing you do for yourself: is allow yourself to have TIME to heal.