Defining slave/Submissive/Bottom

Defining slave/Submissive/Bottom

CrimsonRose • Jul 1, 2019

To one and all, Dom's, sub's, Tops, Bottoms etc... need help understanding the precise nature of being a Bottom vs Submissive vs slave. I have been told that being a submissive is being a slave by some and then others disagree. What is the right answer?

Recently, I was told that there is yet another group called bottoms. As a novice I am searching for information as well as a place to belong. I don't want to be the match stick girl looking in and watching everyone else. I want to play were I am comfortable but how one identifies seems to be very important. Is it a matter of training, protocols, or just nature?

Thank you so much for your responses in advance. Blessings from Texas

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 1, 2019

Great question! I suspect you are going to receive a wide range of answers and it may not help you to the definitive answer you seek. Furthermore, the terms are often used interchangeably and they are fairly subjective, which will only serve to further obfuscate the matter. Here is is how I define them.

submissive = someone who prefers to give control to another, can be bedroom only or something more complex.

slave = someone who prefers to be in a 24/7 TPE relationship and allows someone to control them much more completely. To my belief, a slave can have limits, but within that framework usually submits completely to their Master. Some believe that slaves should have no limits, but I believe that to be a dangerous and unnatural definition. However, remember subjective!

bottom = someone who chooses to submit to another within a scene or with particular partners. Some bottoms may identify with another title and may only submit for a particular situation. For example a Dom/me who may enjoy being Topped by someone else in a scene or with another stronger willed individual.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 1, 2019

Oh and by strict definition a slave "submits" and some may choose to call that "submissive" but that is a very artful blurring of the definitions in MY opinion. It's like calling a tiger a cat, yes strictly true, but a tiger isn't a house pet nor should it be.

CrimsonRose • Jul 1, 2019

Thank you Soulweaver for your perspective, that was how I was seeing the definitions but they seem to get blurred and I prefer pigeon holes, more a black and white kinda gal. There is room for gray, but in this forum I would like to at least run the odds and see where the majority sit on this topic.

Blessings from TX

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Jul 2, 2019

Soulweaver's definitions fit very well. A bottom is somewhat more of a sexual attitude rather than a BDSM aspect, though it obviously can and will be used in many forms for submission / submissive purposes. Being bottom does not mean submissive or Dominant,,, it is just a natural preference within your sexual dynamic. I know many subs who top happily, and more than a few Dominants who bottom!

A submissive, to Me, is usually someone who hands over a measure of control for a period of time. Though this obviously CAN be full time, it is not 'usually' their lifestyle. The obvious thoughts are the kinds of people who have a very dominant role at work, who submits to release .

A slave / kajira / kajirus is 'usually' more of a lifestyle. Those who scream slaves should be no limits, or claim to be no limits, always say they are slaves. This is not really true. In My humble experience, those who claim no limits want to surrender to what THEY think is no limits, but never ever allow for how devious or deviant some areas of the web / life can be. A slave / kajira in My experience might not need a contract, safe words or specified rules, though it is always preferable for safety reasons. They have agreements on their needs, wants and desires, and the Dominant has agreements on what they need.

Whatever side of the coin you feel you fall on, there will always be grey areas. People are different, and expressions within BDSM are all about differences and acceptance, what is your kink might not be mine,,,, but that's ok . Time is what you have to spare. Find who YOU are and define yourself to the best of you. Do not allow someone to force a descriptor on you based on THEIR own preference, if they want no limits, usually what they want is a punching bag ,,,,, emotionally or sexually or physically. If they want a slave, but you do not feel protected, loved and cherished, then they are not for you,,,, all this, again, is My opinion based on My experience


excellent question, with a brilliant reply, kudo's all round

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • Jul 2, 2019

I agree with the base definitions given in the other post.

In order to find where you fit the best, first you have to ask yourself, "what do I want from this." Would you be happy as a bottom? To me there isn't much of an emotional connection between a top and bottom.

You can be a submissive 24/7 and not be a slave. That could mean you go to work do your job, come home close the door and be his. Submmiting to his will in every way. It isn't a total TPE but very close.

To me even a slave has options. I can be his slave and still control my finances. I can still say no to anything I am not 100% comfortable with. While at the same time serving him in a manner that he enjoys.

No two dynamics are the same. Find someone you feel comfortable with and go from there. My ultimate goal is to a loved and loyal servant to the man in my life whether I call him, Sir, Daddy, or Master.

CrimsonRose • Jul 3, 2019

Thank you all for your replies, I deeply appreciate the cross coverage from those who are dominant, submissive and female vs male. That you are all saying similar things helps.

Blessings from Texas

ZaftigV​(switch female){sub matt} • Jul 4, 2019

Soulweavers explanation fits my thinking.

Not sure how helpful but my 2 cents. Lol I’m 100% switch. I like taking and giving up control. The easiest for me is in the more sexual top/bottom.

In the truer sense of BDSM I’m more often Domme. To truly submit takes a great deal of effort on my part and I’ve only actually done it once. To give up control sexually is easier.

Slave... I just can’t identify with this. There is nothing about me that would allow me to give up absolute control. This I’m sure is because I’m a switchy woman.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jul 4, 2019

Another vote for Soulweaver, now should be "Chairman of the Kink Board"

I am, as my profile indicates, a sexual masochist. As a woman I firmly believe and enjoy-as-fact that my purpose is to do and be whatever it takes to please and satisfy my sex partners. If it is male, I am and love being a sex object. I crave (because of legal considerations it must be) being in a pre-agreed-upon rape scenario. Dominated. Vulnerable, no "vote" at all...

That puts me in the "Sex Slave" category. But make no mistake, I freely chose to be regarded as what some say is "fuck meat". if a guy gets off and blows his load I am only too happy and content to know I served d my purpose.

Sub is a bit more complicated, but a "bottom" fairly describes what I most prefer.

BelieveYou-Me I had 2 offers from couples inviting me to be their sex bitch. I regret top this day I couldn't accept. This may define for the discerning-- the difference between an ordinary sub and me. He need give nothing but demanding discipline and a rough ride.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 4, 2019

Thank you ladies, you are too kind! I am pleased that I was able to lend some clarity in response to OPs question. Take care and enjoy your holiday!