It not about physical attraction

It not about physical attraction

AlphaOmega​(dom male) • Sep 29, 2019

Physical attraction is only temporary. Love is learnt over a period of time, through experience and adversity. Physical attraction is only as important as catching someone’s attention is. Just because someone is physically attractive doesn’t mean that you want to date him or her, it’s only something temporary you see. The personality is what matters most in the Dominant/sub relationship. Also the way the person treats you and the way they make you feel that’s what matters not only how they look. At the end of the day it’s your choice as the submissive to choose your Dom, I just hope when you female subs see an opportunity you seize it as long it’s within your limits.

wynd​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Sep 29, 2019

I for the most part agree with you. There are so many other things that are far more important.

I have “dated” if you will men who were of average appearance. Because they had something else going for them they were extremely attractive to me when we were together.

An ex told me once I know I’m not considered good looking and unless I spend tons of money on plastic surgery that isn’t going to change. As a result I’ve learned to bring forth things that could change that in some women’s eyes.

I’m funny and I make people laugh, I’m a gentleman (when appropriate ) I’m a nice man and I make her have many many orgasms. I’ve never had a problem getting or keeping women.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Sep 29, 2019

I disagree strongly.

wynd​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Sep 29, 2019

@Masterbear

If you don’t mind me asking what do you disagree strongly with?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Sep 29, 2019

How someone looks is important, and remains important throughout the relationship.

Especially, if there are extreme changes in appearance.

Someone gaining or loosing a lot of weight.

Undergoing plastic surgery.

Having an accident with significant appearance changes.


It all matters.

I know D types that will leave if their s types are not a certain height to weight ratio.

If you are into SSBB and your partner drops 300 lbs. That matters.

If you are not into SSBB and your partner puts on 300 lbs. That matters.


Some people only date light skinned poc.
Others only date the opposite.


Big boobs- little boobs- right shape- wrong shape-

If we say it doesnt matter. Thats a lie.
We have a whole society telling us what an acceptable partner is.

This creates closeted fat admirers. Closeted dark skin lovers.

And all sorts of shame around desire.

The answer here isnt saying that it doesnt matter.

The answer here is saying what does matter without shame.


I LOVE SSBBW.
I LOVE THE DEPTH OF DARK FEATURES.
I VALUE AND ARE TURNED ON BY WOMEN WHO ACTIVELY FIGHT AGEISM.

Melli​(sub female) • Sep 30, 2019

I think it matters to a degree. Attractiveness is subjective.

Confidence by far is the most attractive quality. If you're confident in your appearance the rest will follow.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Sep 30, 2019

Although I understand what you're trying to convey, I have to say appearance does matter to some degree. It's not the only level of attraction and I agree its not the most important, but it does matter greatly in initially forming a bond. And you shook take pride in your appearance, regardless of what you look like or how. How you take care of yourself may reflect in how you take care of others. Just a thought.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Sep 30, 2019

I don’t really agree with this. I think physical attraction is an important part of a dynamic. It’s not solely important but I can’t imagine how different my dynamic with my sub would be if we didn’t drive each other crazy.

That isn’t to say that dynamics don’t work without it, or with different levels of it. Over time different attractions grow naturally, the way someone does certain things, says things, or even just looks at you, but that doesn’t mean it’s not nice or important to be physically attracted to your partner.

I do like the perspective Wynd provided. Use what ya got!

I don’t think I’d be mad at somebody for not being physically attracted to me, or not wanting to pursue a relationship of some capacity because of it. If I’m short and you find my height very unattractive and can’t get past it, meh. Your loss (my ego would presume to say). However on the other hand, If you’re like “gosh dang I love the fact that I can see fight over you, it makes me want to lick the top of your head” well then that’s just wonderful I’d say!

I would be very hesitant to tell someone not to factor in their physical attraction to someone else. Though again, I would agree that it shouldn’t be the sole consideration.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Sep 30, 2019

I also agree with this but would emphasize the last few sentences. The way a person grooms and cares for themselves says a lot about them I think. Even if it’s a “I don’t care what you think about me” type of presentation.

SSG{ENM-TLP} • Sep 30, 2019

Wow, there appears to be very passionate views on both sides of this topic. I wouldn't really expect otherwise. Vanity has always been an issue, especially in the airbrushing age. I think what is really important to remember is physical attraction isn't always a visual thing. I agree with LL that a person should always groom themselves to present the best of themselves and should attempt to pursue health and wellness (that doesn't always have an "attractive" appearance though). They should carry themselves with confidence, and actually be confident. Intelligence and the humble display of it can be very attractive. There are SO many things that make a person attractive.

Personally, I've never been drawn to men who would be a successful male stripper or be on the cover of GQ magazine. As MB points out, looks change. That is actually why I have to disagree with her stance that looks matter as much as she states. Of course, anything major can make a big difference in the way you see someone with your eyes, but the way you see them with your heart is what truly matters, and I believe is the whole point of this initial post.

I am attracted to older men. They don't typically have the body of the younger men who tend to be attracted to me; however, older men generally (not always but generally) know how to treat me, speak to me, understand the dynamic I am most drawn to, and I adore them. Wrinkles, gray hair, some hair, no hair, short, tall, overweight, thin....it is in how they treat me and look at me as a woman and even more importantly how they touch and kiss me. If I can feel desire and later love in that touch and kiss, I'm smitten! Taken! DONE! What I see is physically attractive. The way my body responds to him is unbelievable.

Of course, we all are motivated by so many different factors, but I think what is true for so many of us is when someone captures our heart, the physical appearance becomes less of a priority because we are looking deeper than the surface. Meeting in an anonymous community much like this one where you control when someone is able to see you gives an opportunity for the people to get to know one another before the physical appearance becoming a primary concern.

I realize there are some people who the physical is of primary importance, and to them...it most likely wouldn't matter how closely they get to someone. It is really why I prefer to show photos right up front. If I am looking for a partner that is. If not, then I could care less what someone thinks about the way I look. As long as my Daddy or Master loves me, the rest of the world could not stand to look at me, and I would be perfectly fine with that. As someone else said (can't remember who), if they aren't attracted to me, it's their loss. I am far more than what you see. The body that I have is only a house for the spirit that is responsible for truly lighting you up.