So You're Going To Meet Someone New For A Bit Of Casual Play

So You're Going To Meet Someone New For A Bit Of Casual Play

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 21, 2016

Oooh - meeting strangers from the internet!  It used to be SOOOOO scary and even taboo!  But many of us have done it, either for coffee, a meal, or maybe even more.  So here's a thread to talk about casual interactions with those dark and mysterious internet strangers!  Here's a few questions to get you thinking...

-first and foremost, what do you do to keep yourself safe?
-will you ever play on first meeting or does there always have to be a preliminary coffee date first?
-red flags?
-is meeting someone in person at a club safer than meeting someone online?
-is there an intensity you get from a casual encounter that is unique to that experience?

AND -have you ever made a kinky personal ad?  Say even here at THE CAGE?  Do you find it a worthwhile way to meet people? Tips for our forum readers are always appreciated!

CouldbCharisma • Apr 27, 2016

I've done it before. At the time I was trying out online dating via the Vanilla dating sites too, so I treated it the same: I designated two friends (luckily they know I'm kinky) as my safety calls.

One got a screenshot of his fet profile. They both got the time and location of the initial meet up, as well as a check in time for later. Texts to keep them updated of any changes and a phone call to hear my voice  when I was home safely. 

Granted, I made some stupid choices that day that could have gone badly for me if he hadn't been the gentleman that he was. I did choose to get into his car and leave our meet up location. And later, I did choose to go home and play with him at his place.

I don't regret it, because it was an awesome introduction and left me wanting more. However, I do things differently now. If someone wants to meet me, munches and sloshes are the perfect opportunity. It may require more effort from both of us but I don't think that's a bad thing. If we hit it off, great. Staying in contact shows more interest and can't hurt while we plan our next meet up or two and anticipation can be a good thing. 

Red flags? A refusal to attend a Munch/Slosh to meet up. I understand that some schedules are difficult to work around (my own included) but an outright refusal before trying bothers me. Anyone who becomes too pushy or seems to get angry when I refuse to meet up for that reason. My safety matters. If I'm going to put myself in a position where someone can hurt me, it should matter to them too. 

I get nervous on first dates and first play dates, as well as any time I meet someone new so the nervous butterflies are already in play for me so I don't need excess danger to give me a thrill. 

I certainly understand the appeal of a personal ads, but no, I haven't made one. Right now I'm focused on becoming more integrated in the community and exploring interests that way. If something comes of it, great! If not, I'm still content. 

 

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 27, 2016

Thanks for the thoughtful response!  I agree that getting angry or frustrated when things don't go their way is a massive red flag.  

And yeah, as thrilling as new experiences can be, hopefully none of us are ever tempted to risk our safety for a thrill.  

Enfield​(other female) • Jul 14, 2017

I want to add to this an app which I believe is called 'kitestring'. It's a personal safety app but it's a little different than the "press this button in case of emergency". You set a timer and if you don't check in that your safe it sends a prerecorded message to your chosen safety contact.