When Black bleeds into white -- (When The Lifestyle bleeds into your Vanilla life)

When Black bleeds into white -- (When The Lifestyle bleeds i

TheChimera​(sub female) • Oct 30, 2019

I am curious how others handle situations like mine.

For the time being while I'm in school, I'm staying with my family so I can finish school and get my degree. However, the walls in the home are paper-thin.
My mother must have overheard me talking with my Dom about The Lifestyle. Pretty much, she found out I'm into BDSM.

My mother is very stubborn, and won't listen to me when I tried to sit down with her to discuss it, maybe even dispel some of the tropes or lies media spoon-fed her.
But, she's combative, and hard set.
She thinks BDSM is full of murderous wack-jobs, freaks, and dangerous people. (which I mean, C'mon that's with ANY community you join.)
For now, I'm not going to even bother trying to change her mind. If she asks about things later, I'll talk with her about it. But, I'm not going to waste my breath when she's going to be argumentative about it.

But, my issues aside- how do you all handle these sorts of situations? Personally, I've just been avoiding it. Originally, I kept my place in The Lifestyle secret from family; so I mean... Whoopsie? Haha.
But I am curious to see if anyone else has had "Black bleed into white" so to speak - their place in The Lifestyle bleed over, or get drug into their vanilla? I completely understand too that some folks are totally open and don't really give a shit what others think.

Let's discuss?
Any advice for me? (I love my mother very much, and as mentioned I'll happily educate her on what I've learned if/when she opens her mind to this to discuss without trying to cram her ignorant opinions down my throat.)
Can anyone give me stories or examples of stuff that's happened to them?

Duke Montefort​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2019

First, don't push it. Any new thing introduce out of your families perspective of who and what you are will be treated with rejection. Your best bet is to slowly let them realize it is not a phase, or an attempt to punish them. I was originally raise to become a perfect husband by my mothers standards. My desire to become a Roman Catholic priest was met with a strong stonewall by my mother and grandmother. First they yelled at me for over an hour. Then later my mother tried to get me to join several denominations. when that failed she let me return to the Catholic church. Then when a priest gave me the business. My mother maternal instincts kicked in and she personally helped her 16 year old son go through the application process. Which was complicated and intimidating. My mother became eventually my strongest supporter. I wasn't allowed to become a priest. However, your mothers love for you will overshadow her concern. Only talk about it is she brings it up, or if it comes in passing. Talk briefly then move on without dwelling on it.

She may not approve, but your not hiding things from her. Not everything is like a movie she knows that.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Oct 30, 2019

@Duke You are absolutely right~ I hadn't planned on pushing the topic with her. As mentioned, I might speak on it a little bit if she ASKS. But otherwise, I'm not going to bring it up either lol.
Thank you for telling me about your mother's support with you becoming a priest. I'm not Catholic or Christian, but I do know just from watching friends that are, that becoming a priest is very difficult indeed. (Especially at 16 years old.)

I'm hoping you are right, and over time she'll slowly at least accept this.


Not to sound like the antsy teenager, but I mean... If she doesn't accept it - in the end, I know she still loves me. But, this is still my personal choice too.

rickeyboy • Oct 30, 2019

If she ever gets where she will listen to you.Tell her what bdsm stands for.It'd a overlapping abbreviation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism(SM),and that there's a whole lot of Bull Sh- - ( BS) out there about it.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 31, 2019

I answer questions directly and honestly as they are asked.

Only the question that is asked.

I wont lie.

I figure that if someone is brave enough to ask they deserve an honest answer.

As far as people that are already set in what they think. I leave it be. I wont change them any more then they change me.


Good luck with school!!!

courtneyliveslife​(sub female) • Oct 31, 2019

My brother found a metal circle hook thingy in my bedroom used for bondage. He asked what it was
I said stretching

Some people don’t need to know I think

Low{BLK OWND} • Oct 31, 2019

I'm in the don't need to know camp
It's not as if information about my lifestyle choices can add anything to my other relationships .

Zedland​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2019

I am generally of the opinion that certain people don't need to know. However once the cat is out of the bag...then it is often better to replace truth with whatever ghastly lies the person is dreaming up.

In your specific case I might recommend couching things in more familiar terms for your mother. Dom is scary, the person your crazy about is familiar. Emphasized consent and safety. Make it seem dreary and mundane. Because really mothers just want to know you are safe and happy. The rest they will hopefully never bring up.