Consent, Consent, Consent

Consent, Consent, Consent

PleasureSub​(sub male) • Jun 8, 2017

Something really concerns me regarding exploring my sub side online and looking for meet ups.
It's the unsolicited messages from a "Mistress" that barks orders at me "HELLO SLAVE" like I've given her my submission already.
I'm only a Dog when I want to be a dog thanks. I'm not a dick about it nor does this mean I will be a brat in roleplay.
If you have my consent I am your plaything and only a safety word will pull me out of it. (see my previous journal entry as an example)

I don't call someone Mistress/Goddess etc until we both agree, I call them Ms out of politeness especially if I write a polite message to enquire about potentially discussing what she's looking for.

They get antsy when you ask too many questions as soon as you ask for verification and patience they think they can talk to you like dogshit without your consent.
I am sure many of these are just scams (think of sites like Alt.com here) where it's pretty clear most are just scammers trying to get your details, money and hope you don't ask any questions. Less so here:)

Sane, Safe and CONSENSUAL!! Asking too many questions to a Mistress/Master with these concerns in regard is vital, never let any "Mistress" try and rail road you into giving away all your info, paying tribute etc

They might be spoiled for choice with horny subs and slaves..but that is not relevant;
YOUR SUBMISSION IS STILL A GIFT YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER!

Don't have that vital power stolen from you till you decide to give it up.

Now I wont do anything without verification and a frank discussion and I can live with missing out on a wild night if they can't satisfy that for me.

I hope more subs (Male and Female) follow that same discipline.

Stranger • Jun 9, 2017

preach it!

Bunnie • Jun 9, 2017

I have a feeling that I too have experienced this Mistress. I was a bit shocked at the way I felt about instantly being addressed that way (let's just say it was enough for me to have no desire to pursue a conversation lol), so it's nice to get confirmation from someone else that my reaction is shared. With no previous experience to compare to its easy to fall into a position of accepting behaviours that maybe you wouldn't normally. That's what I love about this site. You can always find honest and knowledgeable people willing to share information from their experience.

PleasureSub​(sub male) • Jun 9, 2017

Well I'm not going to name and shame on here but yeah theres a fair few out there. Yes I am new to this site but have found its got loads of experienced based wisdom. I don't mind unsolicited messages from a Domme but I think it's just about showing each other respect and accepting that people will have concerns.

Enfield​(other female) • Jul 14, 2017

Glad I'm not the only one who feels this!! I may bottom but I don't identify as a slave, staring conversations calling me one does nothing for me, and on the odd occasion I don't answer quickly enough for them I get reprimanded? I have my power until I decide to give it to you.

Phoenix​(sub agender) • Jul 15, 2017

THANK YOU!
Is there a way that I can block these people? I get so many that sometimes it's hard to find people I'd actually like to talk to.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Jul 15, 2017

Respect should always be in place. Its not because you are a sub or even a slave that its been taken away from you. Only your Master/Dom can do if he decide to. Personnaly I have respect. And we shouldnt forget that its a mutual ''fix" without sub there is something missing in us. I can only see my sub once in a while and I missed her.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 23, 2017

There is a certain danger with "preaching it" believe it or not. Yes, it's about what you're comfortable with. But what about what you might want sprung on you unasked for too?

Naturally this in itself is a thing that needs to be made known and agreed upon. But past that it can be about "Force it on me unasked for". There's a lot of talk about agreeing to things and not forcing things. But what about situations that can go well where none consent and force can be applied yet go well anyway?

Obviously never "force" it in the sense that you know something will be unwanted. The main sticking point here is "You're so used to making sure with everyone else but I'm not them." I'm 100% all for checking in when there's concerns. But I'm also 100% all for "Trust me when I say this is fine to do with me even if it makes me uncomfortable and is forced on me". For example, I could be not wanting a thing to happen in the moment. Yet might in the before and after. The later is more important then the former for me. Ties in with fearplay and such.

Some people use safe words. I do not. I do not because I have long conversations about "These situations affects us in this way" and my silence can actually say more then words at times (Sometimes I choose to be mute for a while. Can be a clue to something, be it good or bad). Plus what about when I'm gagged? I can go "Ok, don't fuck with the nipples" but I might not think of "Knife in the leg". And the former can be ok for some people yet the later can actually be MORE ok then the former for others. Personally I go "Don't fuck with the nipples, go nuts with the knives". When you use the topic of "Consent" it can imply "Let's keep things safe". But what's "Safe" for you might be more dangerous for me and vice versa. Even safety can be forced on someone.

For these reasons I prefer communication and "This affects me in such a way" over consent. What's more people can do stupid things for a reason. If a mistake happens it's a mistake. If it was intended I find out why. In both cases I hold the stance of "No blame". For it is counterproductive. I will however go "Ok, you did that thing which makes me more/less inclined to interact with you again". I don't try to get people to agree. Nor do I expect others to agree with me. I do however expect others to understand how their actions and inaction's affect me. Which is why I strive to communicate. I'm but more "Outside the box" then most others and a simple checklist isn't going to cut it. Reasons for things. What's good for me can seem bad. Etc.