Insights on my new agreement

Insights on my new agreement

switch101​(switch male) • Dec 26, 2019

So I'm in a switch relationship and we recently agreed on having unequal powers where she holds the most power, so we had a punishment agreement on me being punished when she finds me wrong (I have no say) and she being punished only when she admits she is wrong

Last night after we agreed on the terms I went out to buy dinner without my phone and met an old friend so we talked for an hour or so and then I bought dinner and went home, where she was there mad at me that she was worried about and I didn't have my phone and we had fight and after that she concluded that I should be punished for worrying her.

I didn't agree but I respect our agreement so I agreed on being punished and she said I would get 30 strokes with a belt and I agreed

After the punishment she said she didn't forgive me yet but she is now sure I wouldn't do it again and this is the goal of our agreement so I apologised again she accepted

We went to sleep and I woke up on her spanking me, so I said stop my ass is sore from last night so she got mad and said that we agreed not to mix our sexual relationship with the discipline part of our relationship

I tried to explain that it's something physical and I can't control it but she wouldn't listen and she took her things and went to her home

Honestly I don't know what to do in this relationship anymore, so if you have any solutions other than breaking up with her please suggest one.

Debz​(sub female){Barnaby} • Dec 26, 2019

To me when you say relationship, that suggests you are both equals. From what you have written, it sounds like she wants it all on her terms which makes you seem like a slave.

I would sit down with them and say that you aren't happy with the terms of the agreement. You don't actually state how long you have been together.

But I also know that all things should be consensual in the bdsm world. Also 30 strokes sound very severe and it obviously caused you pain, your safety must also come first

switch101​(switch male) • Dec 26, 2019

I am okay with the terms, I am not okay with what happened the next morning

switch101​(switch male) • Dec 26, 2019

I'm not just okay I'm happy with them and I have thick skin 30 strokes was okay by me

Debz​(sub female){Barnaby} • Dec 26, 2019

Yes I understand you are happy with the terms and the strokes. And as it's what happened the next day, then i understand that from what you have said that your misdemeanor was punished and dealt with. So you did not consent to the spanking on that morning. So i would be asking her to explain why she administered it and for what reason. But as I can only go off what you have written, it may not be a fully informed decision. We are all different and I know I would not wish to remain in the relationship.

I just hope it all works out for you

switch101​(switch male) • Dec 26, 2019

She texted me that she is coming over to apologise
I know sometimes she manipulates me to get what she wants
I really love her and she do love me too as they say she's "really out of my league" she is really beautiful and smart and I am just a normal guy
She will come over and apologise and then will probably get to spank me like she wanted in the morning because I won't be able to say no again
I know that's my problem and I am the one who's doing it to myself but I'm just getting it out here
Please don't judge me

Ballbound • Dec 27, 2019

If she’s out of your league like you say then you might have to put up with certain things to keep her around sounds like she might be worth it LOL

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Dec 27, 2019

No one is worth mistreatment and abuse.

No matter how "out of my league" they are.

She *needs* to own up to being wrong for the morning spanking. You did not consent to it, it does not matter what she believes was agreed upon - Once consent is no longer there, agreements matter not.

She needs to understand that you are human, have limits, and still need respect even if she is "more powerful".

I don't care how "deserved" I think something is, if my husband asked me to stop, I would stop - No hesitation - And then talk about what the issue was. Nothing would continue til the situation was resolved and if that was the end of play or the scene then so be it.

If she cannot respect you and your limits and consent, you two need to have a serious talk about your relationship. That's not something to play around with. Pushing too far with spanking when you need rest can leave permanent damage, even in a safe zone.

Bunnie • Dec 27, 2019

I’m sorry, this is going to be a bit harsh...

I’m a bit confused. You keep posting asking for advice, but whenever anyone suggests anything, you dismiss it. I’m not sure what you want people to tell you. In my opinion, this dynamic has never sounded healthy to me from the first time I read one of your posts about it.

I think perhaps you need to spend some time reading about the difference between bdsm and abuse. The difference between consent and non-consent.

Every time someone points out that it’s not healthy you say you know, but...

You know... but you love her
You know... but she loves you
You know... but it’s what you want
You know... but it’s what she wants
You know... but it’s not so bad
You know... but...

Clearly something about it all isn’t sitting right with you because you keep reaching out for help.

I’m not condemning that. Keep reaching out.

However, perhaps it’s time to start at least listening to yourself if you’re not going to listen to anyone else.

switch101​(switch male) • Dec 27, 2019

@bunnie
Your words are all true, clearly I'm denying the facts.
Thank you for always offering your advice.