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New

SAY PLEASE FIRST • Dec 26, 2019

New to being a Dom but my girl is a more experienced sub and I want to make her happy so does anyone have any tips or advice for a new Dom?

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Dec 26, 2019

Hello Mr. SPF! I am a submissive and have been active in the lifestyle and learning the lifestyle for 10+ years so i hope i can be helpful ^.^

You are about to get about 400 comments about things ypu should read and what a "real Dom" "should" or "shouldn't" do.

There are only a couple of things that are really important to know.

1. Communication is key. Your submissive may not want to tell you everything they want, because then it feels like being a power bottom, which can certainly be unattractive. However, talking to them is the best way to learn about what they think their bdsm relationship should or could be.

2. Everyone is different and there is no one correct answer. What is right or the best for one relationship is sometimes the opposite for other relationships. So take everything with a grain of salt and that brings you back to communicate. Do an assesment of how things are going with your sub periodically so you know what is working for you both and what maybe needs to change.

3. Remember its a process. Like any relationship there will be ups and downs while you guys find your flow. Try not to get discouraged if things aren't instantly perfect.

4. Don't forget yourself! You have needs, hopes and dreams as well and those are important. Sometimes Doms can get so focused on being perfect that they don't open up or actually rely on their submissive to support them and allow them to be vulnerable.

Lastly i would say make sure you stay in contact with like-minded friends that you can talk to about what you are going through and what you are thinking that way you can continue to grow, learn and strengthen your relationship

I hope i was helpful ^.^ and i hope this wasn't too long. Feel free to contact me any time and if i am available, i will be happy to help in any way i can

Dominanttrait​(dom male){K} • Dec 26, 2019

I agree with the Wolfy13, he summed it up really well. I would add, having also been initiated into D/s by a more experienced female sub that you need to be honest not just with her, but yourself. I can think of a few things that I didnt want to do but did because she was into them. I wanted to prove myself and please her. Don't be afraid to define your own limits. Doing so makes it easier to look in the mirror.

Don't let anyone tell you what a Dom is or isn't. Getting into that fuckery can lead to insecurity and really fuck with your head, especially when one is experiencing play drop.

Go slow, take the time to research any things you want to do before hand. It's entirely your responsibility to make sure you know what your doing. Being a Dominant is a big responsibility. Treat it as such.

Never forget that informed consent is paramount, that submission is a gift and that both your title and her collar are fucking earned.

DT

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 29, 2019

If your S-Type is willing to teach you. Then you have gold. So make sure that you listen. Its important to understand that your journey on becoming a D-type is a lifelong journey. So give yourself time and patience while you learn. Your best bet is to get involved in the local community. Meet others that you can learn from, and remain open.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 1, 2020

Simplify! "Make" her submit. Deal with particulars later. The first act of submission doesn't involve safe words or boundaries. If she'll willingly kneel before and suck your rod, she'll likely bow before most of your wishes. Go from there, Boss!