Dating

Dating

Sassyred​(switch female) • Jan 3, 2020

Its so hard dating after 40 then add Bdsm. Its been a frustrating and disappointing last year. Im hoping 2020 goes better. I talk to men and they run away like their ass is on fire when I mention the lifestyle. They say they are ok and then bam! ghosted! I just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Manda Panda​(sub female) • Jan 3, 2020

I hear ya. I've looked here and fetlife. Recently, I got desperate and joined Facebook Dating. I have no idea why. The lifestyle is just going to scare them off 😂

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jan 3, 2020

Some times .. It shows up when your not looking at all.

At least that was how it was for me . i joined cage and was looking for friendships only really and was happy just being me for once . and that was when i met my Wolf . skip ahead almost 3 yrs to now . and we are happy and living together.

Yes it can be frustrating while waiting and looking but it can happen. Have faith.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 3, 2020

Probably not something that should be brought up right off the bat.. or second.. third go-round. I'm not far from 40 yet have not experienced fear of older women (could also be delayed for me.. yellow fever and all that) but when I do go out I do dress the hint. .. Short leather skirt, sometimes fishnets sometimes just high boots and a choker. Kind of makes it obvious so men who are of the more vanilla persuasion tend to head off in the other direction without having to go through all that dating stuff to have them turn and run.

People who "ghost" are pukes. It denotes a person (M/F) of shallow character who lacks the basic courage to say "Hey sorry, this won't work.." and either elucidate-- or not.

Keep trying but it's best to either go where us twisted folks usually congregate or if on a vanilla date leave the kink out of it until you get a feel for the guy's tendencies.

Oftentimes you'll have to choose whether you totally need a BDSM relationship or want a relationship you can count on .. Of course "settling" isn't a thrilling idea, either. Hopefully you'll find a match who's not scared of a little leather with his lace.

Erick​(sub male) • Jan 3, 2020

I confess I have not heard of this before. My experience of the world is that if a man is placed midway between two women who are identical in every way, except that one is kinky, the man will always choose the kinky lady. Being kinky is like being smart, or being pretty, or being rich, or being multi-orgasmic. Why would anyone NOT choose those things?

Is it possible that this is not really BDSM-related, but is just the more generic problem experienced by ALL older people trying to meet on-line nowadays? I recently went on one of the over-40 dating sites, just to see what was available, and found the pickings depressingly slim. The men, of course, were awful. But most of the women were no bargain either. Here's the kind of thing I found again and again:

"FUN LADY SEEKING RESPECTFUL GENTLEMAN: I am super-plus-XXX full-figured earth-goddess-type, so if that bothers you, then drop dead. And understand that my son is my best friend, so if that bothers you, then move on. He lives with me because he has substance and self-esteem issues and his probation officer says he is not allowed to be within half a mile of a school or a park or they will send him back to Lompoc. Also my mother and my seven wiener dogs will always come first in my life, so get used to it. You must also know the Lord. And you must place me first in your life above all others. And NO TRUMPERS! And you must have good hygiene, which means take a shower at least once a week, preferably twice, and not be addicted to meth or smack. That is one of my hard limits. Altho I guess tweaking is OK. I am a Scorpio and a very classy lady. I play Grand Theft Auto and Masters of Doom. I am also a romantic and I follow Days of Our Lives and The Beautiful and the Restless. I listen to smooth oldies rock, and I have a special killer recipe for margaritas made with peppermint schnapps. And on Saturday nights I like to smoke a few bowls and do a little twerking while watching Dancing With the Rich and Famous. And I am very creative. I make lawn ornaments out of plastic Pepsi bottles and Christmas tree ornaments out of dog food cans. If you are good with tools and can fix the flat tire on my mobility scooter, that is a plus. But don't be always trying to get into my pants. I know all about guys like you and what you want, and I keep my Glock under my pillow at all times, and it's loaded with hollow-points, just so you know."

I imagine that people who read dozens and dozens of ads like this on a regular basis probably become cynical, and then jaded, and then rude.

kinky girls

ThirtyFourPointFive • Jan 3, 2020

I am sure that the reaction you are seeing from the men is a lack of self confidence, personally I would always go for the kinky girl! I was on the dating sites for years, finding a mate there is not an easy thing to do. I have no answer except keep trying, and to do it here, not there.

ThirtyFourPointFive • Jan 3, 2020

That is quite the profile you have there Erick! I may have went out with her!

The Beautiful and the Restless

Dating

Sassyred​(switch female) • Jan 3, 2020

My Christmas present to myself was to take myself off Vanilla dating sites. I like men of all ages so not sure about the age dynamics there with kinkiness . I think its partly because I live in the semi rural South. Im a zebra here maybe a unicorn lol. Im educated with my first career behind me (retired) going to school again, one friendly divorce,no kids, my own place and a sports car. I rarely drink and dont do drugs. Im a little chubby but so are alot of people here lol. Drama free and chill. I mean cmon. But if the last year has taught me nothing else it has taught me patience and to know my worth.

Erick​(sub male) • Jan 3, 2020

Dear Sassy--

I now realize that my dopey attempt at humor made no sense. It must have sounded like I was putting you in the same category with that character I just invented, and I wasn't. I feel very bad about it, and I really hope you will forgive me.

Listen: The truth is I honesty CANNOT UNDERSTAND why you have suffered any of those rude ghoster-guys at all. YOU ARE COMPETELY A GEM!

If I myself weren't so obsessed with finding a Mommy or a Daddy to tie me up and have their way with me, I would gladly make a pass at you and try to convince you to give me a chance to be YOUR Daddy.

(But you DID say you were a switch........ Hmmmm.)

slaveforfun • Jan 8, 2020

People in general are more screwed up than they use to be back when we were younger, many of the good ones are taken now (not all) , and here in Texas the church crowd out numbers the BDSM group , Don't give up , quit focusing on it and things will work out sooner than you expect.