Not preferred

Not preferred

Mzmocha​(sub female) • Jan 12, 2020

So I am new to this and have been trying for 3 year to find a dominant man that is patient and experienced. But it seems I don't fit the "preferred" submissive category so still no luck. It's frustrating.

Bunnie • Jan 12, 2020

Hi @ Mzmocha,

Sorry to hear about your struggles
Can I ask why you think you don’t fit the “preferred” category... and even what the “preferred” category is?

I ask because at times I have felt the same. But I do believe there is someone for everyone. Posting a forum is a great idea to get feedback, and I think you’ll find most people to be quite supportive.

In the times where I’ve felt this struggle, I usually just focused on continuing to learn and getting to know myself. Even little steps are still steps in the right direction. Good luck

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 12, 2020

Just looking here---

Ypur profile has you as a monogamous female.

I assme from this that you are in a relationship and monogamous.

DrWakko • Jan 12, 2020

@OP:

You are in Dayton take the drive to Columbus and start attending classes and events at The Space. If you want info on that location check out the podcast which is advertised on this site. It’s called Erotic Awaking. The people that host the podcast also own The Space and are also kink / poly presenters.

Relying on websites for relationships connections are nice, but meeting active people in the community can give you a better sense on who they really are and what they enjoy kink wise.

Mzmocha​(sub female) • Jan 12, 2020

@ Bonnie im not athletic or Caucasian and im not into degradation or act that i perceive as degrading. The few conversations I've had have not ended well. I don't want to bed treated with disrespect. I know what i want and what i don't want. Just haven't had any luck so far.

@Drwakko thank you for the info i didn't know there was something so close. I'll check out the podcast. My relationship is a little more complicated to explain.

Bunnie • Jan 12, 2020

@ Mzmocha,

Lol, I didn’t realise being a white cheerleader was a prerequisite either... I always thought it was being a redhead. Lucky I’m into costumes ;b
But on a serious note, I’m sorry if you’ve experienced people making you feel like there’s a “preference,” because I can assure you, if you have a look around the big, wide world of bdsm... everyone has different preferences. There is no “ideal”... even if it does feel like that at times.

I’ve come to find, through observation, that degradation in and of itself isn’t actually a very common or popular kink, so I’m wondering if perhaps your experiences have mostly been with those we hear so much about... the first message demanders that are parading as Dominants, yet wouldn’t know SSC if it bit them on the butt. Because degradation as I know isn’t about being disrespectful to a stranger... I see it as being about a shared intimacy between those who have built a bond.

It’s great that you’re being honest and sharing that you’re monogamous and in a relationship. Something to keep in mind is that this may affect the type of people who are interested in pursuing anything with you. Those who would actively seek a dynamic with someone in your situation (regardless of the details), would likely mostly be those who are in a similar situation themselves, or who are only here parading as Dominants to have a little bit of fun. Trying to find someone who would be willing to give so much of their time and energy and so much of themselves to someone who is technically only half available to them, isn’t appealing for a lot of people. I’m not saying this to be mean or to point the finger at your situation (or anyone’s)... but merely to share a perspective on what “could” be affecting your desired outcome.

This isn’t to say that you won’t find someone. It just may take a little longer. That’s no difference to anyone who has slightly more specific tastes. I’ve been here two and a bit years (I think lol), and have only met a very few who had me knocking on their door. If we want what we want, patience is a very necessary part of that process.

My goal here is not to try to discount how you’re feeling about all of this, but more to try to help give you some perspectives you may not have considered. I know that feeling of thinking you’re the last doll left on the shelf gathering dust, when you watch everyone around you meeting their significant person. My advice in all of this that I found really helped me... observe, but don’t compare. Observe others to learn... but they’re not you and you’re not them. Comparison only serves to make us miserable... and that is exactly what it will do... because we can always find someone better than us or that we believe we’re better than. It does no one any good. Be you... the right person will want you... and you them

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jan 12, 2020

I’m neither athletic (unless you count yoga 🤷🏽‍♀️), Caucasian or into degradation/humiliation/hard core anything, and the list goes on.

I would say if you’re looking on this site just look through the personals and profiles because there are lots of Dom’s who are into the things you want and who probably would be looking for a sub like you. It is a frustrating and long search but when you do find the one it’ll be the best thing in the world. I’m still on the hunt myself, so for me even if everything isn’t perfect on their page if the big things are right then it’s worth a message to them at least