To everyone

yesyes​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2020

People are going to do what people are going to do. Keep focusing on being the awesome, whole, complete person you are, aim for friendship and kindness without needing anything from anyone.

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Jan 18, 2020

My opinion on this is:

You became too REAL!!!

Honestly think about it, it's so easy to 'talk'.... fantasy after all is FUN right??? Well only IF that's what's you're looking for.

So, if you become too REAL, they ghost, because fantasies are hidden desires, to stay hidden right? NO!!! But many think that way! Once the fantasy even becomes a hint of reality, they run!

And to be clear, this happens to Dom/mes ALL the time... They, the Dom/mes, just don't say it as often as the subs do!!

So, my advice is to just lift your head high and be like "yup, I'm just too real for them" and smile and have a giggle.

It's YOUR gain, the quicker they ghost!

Congrats to being true and real!!

Bunnie • Jan 18, 2020

A good point too @ Morley.

I guess I’ve always just seen it as some people not being very capable of being honest because sometimes it can be uncomfortable. They choose the easy way out of simply saying nothing at all, rather than learning to better communicate.

I see everything as an opportunity for growth.

If they can’t communicate when they’re uncomfortable... that’s not very conducive to building trust in a relationship (especially bdsm). The sad thing is that many may not realise it’s skills that can be learned, so they’re missing that opportunity for growth, as well as hurting others in the process.

Many probably tell themselves “it will hurt less if I just disappear, rather than reject someone,” or “they’ll get over it... there hasn’t been enough time for it to have much impact.” Neither of these are something that anyone can decide for another. Rejection hurts no matter how it’s done... however, closure only comes from having an ending. Being left to wonder, isn’t an ending.

No one here knows anyone else’s backstory. I can’t speak for others but for myself, abandonment is a huge fear. Rejection doesn’t feel great, but feeling abandoned crushes me on a soul level. I can remember the anxiety that being ghosted causes. Not nice.

To those who ghost, learn to be uncomfortable. Learn to speak your truth. Sure, people will think you’re an ass at times no matter how you communicate... that’s just how it goes. But more people than not will be thankful that you’ve given them that closure to move on.

👻

subbieoo​(sub male){Yes, } • Jan 18, 2020

I'm new at this. I promise to get back to everyone. I'm looking for nothing here, except like minded people.

Happy Saturday

Southern Mother​(dom female){Learning} • Jan 19, 2020

Thank you! Possibly going through something like this. Not only with a certain someone but others of my friends who am just finding out are in LS. They had an idea of who I should be and after I have made some positive life changes like losing weight, fighting anxiety and depression, gaining confidence, taking no shit from anyone and learning that it is ok to be and feel sexy and NOT be objectified. And that I am beyond labels. Seems they have an issue with it . I am no saint but have definitely have NOT sinned and I am and have been loyal. Take it or leave it. I am doing me for once

DrWakko • Jan 19, 2020

To me ghosting only matters once you meet face to face. To me if you talk to someone a few times you’ll find them to be cool or interesting, but if they stoped talking did you really loose or gain anything? Probably not.

Don’t get me wrong but if you look at it like a business one has to ask themselves what’s my return on investment (roi). Talking to someone on the internet to someone across the country your roi isn’t that great. You might have a few things in common but it the roi worth the time and effort. Once you realize the roi isn’t worth it you shut the deal down.

As much as it sucks to get ghosted it’s better than being lead along for months for nothing.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 19, 2020

The site is full of wanabes, fantasists, flakes and fakes, both so called doms and subs.

Things getting too real, too quickly is often the case with subs and those hidden desires about to become real scare them and its easier to run, block etc than say that, discuss it, find away to address the issues and offer support to help make it real. Scared genuine people will often take the hand and come into the light, fantasists run. In my experience, its mostly those who started out male that are worst for this, but not always had females do this too.

Outside of that, cheaters who get caught explains some vanishings. People for whom bdsm pushes and challenges them to the point of breakdown, explains other ghostings, but more often, particularly so called doms they get boarded and treat people like candy, and when they want a taste of something new they spit out the old sweet and go chasing new candy. This sort of player behaviour is disgusting.

In other instances horny net guys or gals, want in your knickers and when they dont get what they want they go after someone who will, and blocking and ghosting is simpler than telling you what they really think.

Bdsm is supposed to be about communication, open amd honest so to those that are ghosters or have inclinations to ghost please dont, just open up, be honest and look for support to make it real, or say this isnt what you want, or that you need to go for awhile, whatever but dont just disappear hurting people as you do. The cheaters, players, scum bags will continue to do what they do, but them leaving is what I call a lucky escape, even though those vanishings hurt as well.

To those that dont value the net as a valid place to explore, medium to practice bdsm, as I have said before what are you doing here on the net, the place you dislike and are so critical about and not at your clubs, dungeons, parties which are according to you lot the only valid places to be. Ahhh yes its called hypocrisy, and double standards.

KissKali​(sub female) • Jan 19, 2020

Oops!
I am guilty of this.
Please forgive me if I have not answered a message or suddenly stopped when you thought there was a flow.

It is not that I have decided to 'stop' as such. There is no premeditated action. I simply was thinking of other things and being the butterfly-grasshopper-head that I am, got engrossed in other things, usually real life things (most of my life has been lived outside of the internet) such as baking a cake, writing a letter, visiting family etc.

Often I don't respond if the person doesn't ask a question for me to respond to.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jan 19, 2020

Ghosting - the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Now I do not mean to seem superficial, but if all you have had is a brief chat, and then it ends, I think it hardly counts as a "personal relationship" I myself have had a couple brief conversations where the other person simply quit responding, so .... I did too. I usually send one final brief message to see if it is replied to, if not, I assume they found something or someone else they are interested in, or just not into this chat .. so I let it go..

What I will not do is allow that to define my future, so as the great chief in "The Outlaw Josey Wales" so eloquently stated ... "I endeavor to persevere" ... lol

Southern Mother​(dom female){Learning} • Jan 19, 2020

Seriously. To me it is a sign of lack of self respect, communication and maturity.

It literally takes 5 seconds? Even just emojis to say hi or anything.

I think to some it is a game and maybe they get off on holding that kind of hurt/power over someone.

Like a one sided masochistic kink.

If your'e going to play. Play fair.