Best way for a new Dom to learn?

Best way for a new Dom to learn?

fatbear​(dom male) • Feb 2, 2020

New to being a Dom and want to learn the proper way to be dominate. The last woman I was with got me into BDSM. I've been listening to audiobooks and trying to talk to people but, haven't gotten very far. In your opinion, what is the best way for a young, new Dom to learn the way things are supposed to be done. Is there any websites or articles I should be heading over to? Thanks for any help. I appreciate it.

makemeplease​(sub female){Prussian} • Feb 2, 2020

I am the little "s" in an M/s... So clearly I don't possess what you're seeking. However, I am intelligent and resourceful, and not to brag, but Owned by a phenomenal Master. He is sought out for help and advice by Doms and subs alike.

I met my Master here, on the Cage. (Yay, Go Cage!) So... I think my point is... I believe that what you're doing, reaching out, is a fantastic way to achieve your goal.

If I were in your shoes, I would be looking for other Doms that have traits you desire, or hold values you find important and I'd be reaching out. In my experience in this lifestyle, most members of our community are generally willing to help, educate, guide others that are new.

F

DrWakko • Feb 2, 2020

If you look on my blogs I have a great book list. Go to munches in your area and talk to people. Go to classes. All will help.

Hotmail • Feb 2, 2020

Such a good post. I'm in the same boat.

Dunimos​(dom male) • Feb 2, 2020

Apprenticeship. In my opinion the best way to learn something is to be trained or taught.
For me I was groomed from birth to be a leader by my family... very patriarchal. Had nothing to do with kink nor bdsm, that all came later bit working under my father and grandfathers I learned how and when to be assertive and when to be a builder.

I would recomend to anyone who is learning something, be it bdsm Dom or company management or whatever.... find someone you can train with and learn from. Preferably in real life.

My 2 cents.

Sami A​(sub female) • Feb 2, 2020

First off Honest communication is a must!!

The blogs here are the best! Don't just read Dom blogs read subs blogs too. I am sure Doms or subs would probably help too and most of us are really friendly. I also suggest knowing what you want/like and don't want/like. Once a sub starts submitting to you then your limits need to line up with hers. When she is fully submitted then your limits are her limits and it's not fair for them not to be similar and you pull something out of a hat that she isn't ready for. Also know if you are a Dadddy looking for a little or a Master looking for a slave. They are different as night and day.

This is a good article on Daddy Doms http://sunnymegatron.com/7-fundamental-characteristics-of-a-daddy-dominant/

This is good too https://lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com/

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Feb 3, 2020

The best way that I've found is to connect with your local kink community, if there is one reasonably close to you. Even if it's sparse, some sex stores that offer BDSM toys will also host educators for classes.

http://findamunch.com/
http://findamunch.com/newcomer-tip/
https://sites.google.com/site/thewwcseattle/resources

If it's really active, you can learn a lot just by attending events, talking to people in social areas, and finding out what's possible and what's frowned upon.

DrWakko • Feb 3, 2020

Just a note about the find a munch site... they haven't updated the site in almost 4 years. So some of the older munches and events will still be going on, but the new stuff won't be mentioned. You won't know if the older munches are still going on till you show up at the event or end up joining fetlife (home of most of the events) to find out if the event is still going on.

Bunnie • Feb 3, 2020

This is one of my most absolute favourite sites:

http://kinktoychest.com/index.php/castle-realm-archives

I have the utmost respect for both the Master and his slave who put in so much time and effort passing on their lifetimes worth of knowledge.

@ Dunimos,

I really like how you put that. It makes a lot of sense.

fatbear​(dom male) • Feb 3, 2020

Ok so now, what are some major points that I need to follow to correctly find and maintain a sub? What are munches? Where would I find one? I've got issues talking to men because the alpha likes to try and play and gets me in trouble. Basically what I'm getting at is how would one go about finding the right sub for him and getting them to submit to him. I don't like to share. Let me know.