So yea that just happened...

MasterBear(other butch)

4 years ago • Feb 26, 2020

Holy shit. This is the epitome of fucked up.

The first thing you need to know -
And hear me completely here:

That asshats reaction had:

NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

That is this person's fucked up way of communicating.

Remove your responsibility here.

Leave this where it should be with him.

SheaSubbyButter(sub female)

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

rosethorn wrote:

Ive had an experience where the guy was a gentleman Dom and initially found the marks difficult as he thought he was being a horrible person but i was quite happy. After a while he became accustomed to them and saw i was happy but was a sock at first.
Saying that... i started to push for more and he couldn't. As much as he wanted to see me happy he linked it too much to something it wasn't and mentally beat himself up regularly... thing is if you have a need and its not expressed it comes out in other ways. He was concerned he would loose control.

It might be a similar thing where he hadn't made peace with himself and his desires and needs yet? ...

Or

A punishment turned into funishment and he is annoyed it didn't go the way he wanted.

Make sure your okay xxx

Hey Rosethorn,

Thank you so much for your advice and the not knowing how he truly feels or what is going on with him is killing me. I do not like the distance and I do not believe he would admit any of the things that’s been said here so far. I’ve stopped trying to reach out so I’m at a loss as to what will happen next but I still appreciate your response

SheaSubbyButter(sub female)

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

rosethorn wrote:

Just thinking even when he found it difficult and was sorta pissed off at himself at least when it was new. He still stuck around and made sure i was okay. We talked about it for both of us after but we both did research and both newish... so... kinda had an idea.
You should never just be left there.

That’s exactly how I feel like he just left me alone in this...luckily I have you all to encourage and support me

SheaSubbyButter(sub female)

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

MasterBear wrote:

Hey MasterBear, thank you for this because I have been walking around with a dunce cap on my head and heart since he has only spoken negatively about the play time we had and had been so cold with his words and shutting me out completely, he has left me wondering what I did wrong and how he could just do a 180 on me so fast. It’s hard for me as a sub not to feel at fault when that’s all your told and nothing positive is said to reinforce what actually went right. All I can think is that I did everything wrong. But I’m moving more and more towards a better place of removing my responsibility as you said in your response.

Thank you so much for your advice and your response

SheaSubbyButter(sub female)

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

IowaDom wrote:

Ok, it is VERY hard to shock me anymore, but this one got my gas going. Such a HORRID reaction. I might fumble this a little, as I am just a tad pissed off (for you, and about him).

This is not in any way, shape, or form an acceptable reaction on ANY LEVEL. It is a total and complete disregard for your MENTAL HEALTH, disrespecting it, and you so utterly completely that it disgusts me. Frankly, this person needs to either learn what the fuck he is doing, or go back his books and silicone doll.

I am so very sorry you had this experience, and such a sad pathetic excuse for a partner. Do yourself a solid here, put that cat back in the burlap bag and punt it over the bridge. Do not expose yourself to this maniac again.

~ID~

Hey ID, thank you so much for for your advice and response and if only he would take your advice there may be hope for him yet. It seems that and I have read about this that the unwillingness to learn is a major red flag and I thought he was researching and learning more just like I was but I guess not. I wish he had a true Dom male as a friend to talk to so that it’s not just his vanilla buddies who have no concept of the lifestyle at all and will probably agree with his behavior only reinforcing it in his mind.

I actually laughed at putting the cat back in the burlap bag!

Thank you I needed that and yes I’m being cautious and careful and needing to update my profile again as it seems.

Thanks again for your response and advice

WolfeHammer

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

Ifbi have learned anything over the years it is that sometimes fantasies don't live up to reality. And that could be the case here as you said you talked six months so that was six months of build up in his head, if that is the case and it didn't live up to what he had envisioned. Or it could just be what the others have said that he went past his limits or is having Dom drop. As the first few times you go through it in my experience you feel lost and don't really know what you need.

SheaSubbyButter(sub female)

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

Hey WolfeHammer thank for your response and I totally can understand that for the first few times as it was just like more about feeling my way than function and I didn’t have any big expectations actually given it was the first time. Maybe he did and I just wasn’t good enough is all he left me with.

Thanks again for the response

rosethorn(sub female)

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

Your welcome i just wish i had better advice. He might need space to process but know that is in no way a reflection on you. You should have had after care and been supported. Arsehat im in full agreement with that term. Just know you have done nothing wrong its his issue and for him to think about reflect on and work through. It might be this lifestyle isn't for him but again thats no reflection on you xxxx

SheaSubbyButter(sub female)

4 years ago • Feb 27, 2020

Thank you again Rosethorn, I have been struggling with that for the past few days that maybe I got it all wrong and I’m not cut out for this, but that just me trying to find a reason for why this all happened and with no feedback from my Dom my mind is 5yr old tangent space

Thanks again for the encouraging words

FunCouple{.-Couple-.}

4 years ago • Feb 28, 2020

Good Morning
I’m going to respond to this after one read through all the comments and from my gut reaction (nothing to do with the Indian curry I had last night).

I feel it is that you are on two different paths which ran parallel for awhile and which then crossed.
All seemed to be going well when you mentioned at the start how you had been discussing things (six months) but it all then went pear shaped after.
Immediately after.
This what I feel.
You are wanting to mature and grow into being a submissive. To intentionally and consensually hand over power.
He, even though you use the term, isn’t a Dom or seems that interested in being one. To intentionally and consensually take phycological and physical control of another.
He’s interested in joining you for, and the experiencing of, some kinky extreme fun, but his heart and mind isn’t there for maturing, growing into and/or learning about the responsibilities which come with being a Dom.
For now, I don’t believe he’s the one for you.

Bugger...I have to stop.
That Indian curry I mentioned earlier ...... those feelings have definitely come through, big time, and I need the bathroom.

I hope my comments help, but remember, its just my thoughts and I could be completely off the mark.

Be safe.
Love FC.