Question for subs (and Doms)

Question for subs (and Doms)

MissLiz​(sub female) • Mar 22, 2020

This is mainly directed toward those in a sub/dom dynamic that started as a vanilla relationship. We are still in the process of figuring out our own dynamic. My usual life is I make the plans, arrange for puppy sitter if we ever leave town. I feel like I have to be the nag when it comes to making sure hubby or brother do what the are supposed to. Since we want hubby to be my dom, how do you signal it's "playtime"? Does anyone else find it difficult to make the switch from s/o to willing sub? Or, am I over thinking it. Like usual?

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman)​{DarkFox} • Mar 22, 2020

Well sub is who you are, so there really shouldn't be much change A healthy way to transition from vanilla to D/s dynamic is that each person is just a little more open and a little more honest about their thoughts and desires than they were before.

1) you do not need to stop being the planner. If it makes you happy, makes him happy and you are good at it, there is no reason to stop! It is no less submissive of you or less Dominate of him for you to do planning. If it makes either of you unhappy, then worry about stepping up to the plate for change. Someone (or both of you) will have to put in some extra work to make the change successful.

One way to make this change could be seeking approval before and during the planning stage. It could help you feel more submissive and help him feel more involved.

2) Signalling playtime. This is really just the question "how do you seduce your man?" As a sub, seduction is probably our best artform. Most of us don't want to be direct or up front with our desires (although that is obviously the easiest rout and is a completely valid way of "signalling"). Everyone is going to be different here, but the question is, what do you want and what creative ways can you signal and entice him into doing what you want. It's like, if a brat wants some attention and spanking, sometimes they act out in playful sexy ways. "Acting out" in a way that you know gets you attention, but doing it while wearing something sexy, with the spanking toys conveniently located on the table of the next room may be an extremely strong signal, but you probably never needed to say a word haha.

Don't be discouraged if several of your first attempts at this don't work. Everyone is different and will respond to different signals in different ways. You just need to find out what works best for him.

If you have any more questions about a D/s dynamic or about the art of seduction, please don't hesitate to ask me ^.^ i know a great deal and have a lot of experience haha this reply was already boardering on tldr though :p

No Body​(dom male) • Mar 22, 2020

My wife tells me it is like a light switch for her. Not something she thinks about but just happens. I think she is right because I can switch from Dom to Daddy and then into protector before I even know I did it. We have been this way for years and never think about it.
As for seduction wow that is easy she just put on that damn fufu juice that drives me nuts and it is on.

RangersFairy • Mar 22, 2020

This is pretty much what my husband/Dom and I are facing. However, I have been open with him about wanting it to be more like 24/7 rather than on and off. Because it fits me naturally. We are working on nonverbal signals for when we are around others. But when it is just us, I always address him as Sir.

If it is not natural or common for your SO, it may be difficult for a switch to just be flipped. He may need a little warming up before it clicks for him and he is able to communicate with you about it.

It could be a particular touch, or a specific word. But both of you need to know what they are.

No Body​(dom male) • Mar 23, 2020

Once your into it there will be a time when you just know. It may be a look or touch or just a feeling that they give off. You will know and once you are at that point you will be as close you as can get with out turning into one.