Starting out

Starting out

Switch IT up • Oct 21, 2021

Any tips for someone just starting out and exploring BDSM when single? There’s only so much you can try out alone.

Most online advice from websites says to be in a trusting relationship and discuss it with your partner but the thing is I’m very socially awkward and haven’t had a relationship for 4 years now.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2021

This forum question was a very good first step.

Here are some other very basic ideas:
1. Regularly read and comment on blogs and forums. It will give you an idea of what people here are thinking; questions, concerns, ideas, and answers from others who have been where you are now. And it is a fun way of interacting with people!
2. Start to meet people here directly. Chat with them.
3. Eventually ask the people who you like and are comfortable with for advice. Since you think you are more submissive your best bet is to talk to experienced subs.
4. Try to get out to munches and events. Learn new things, meet other kinky people in your community, network. You can find out about some things here but your best resource is fetlife.

Things to remember:
1. The block button is your friend. Don't be afraid to use it if you are receiving unwanted contact.
2. Don't get frustrated or upset about all the instadoms you will encounter. Don't even respond to them. Delete their messages and move on.
3. Avoid all Doms who offer to "train" or "teach" you. Just no.
4. Don't be embarrassed or shy. We all started out by not knowing.
Plenty of other stuff. You'll get other, better suggestions along the way.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Oct 22, 2021

Ohhh I wish I could've read something like this before when I was starting.

1. Try to determine what you really want, browse on a list of kinks, and just roughly check what are those you are open to trying or not.
2. Approach people politely and with a respective demeanor. (First impression last) But if they happen to approach you in a sexual way and if you don't like it, you may want to voice it out or just ignore it. You are not obligated to answer everything.
3. Posting you are "new" or "inexperienced" will entice the players. Just be cautious. Trust your gut.
4. Vetting. I know some people keep their own business but it will not hurt to vet for your perspective dominant.
5. Just in case you were ghosted ( which is common here, but I really hope you will not experience it) Don't make it personal. It says more of their poor behavior than it says anything about you.
6. Make friends. The Cage is one of the best BDSM site.
7. Lastly, take your time.. You might experience sub frenzy with all the messages and attention but believe me, quality is much better than quantity.

Welcome and I wish you luck! Enjoy.