Your view on setting a time constraint - boundaries

Your view on setting a time constraint - boundaries

Shanaya{NOT LOOKIN} • Apr 28, 2020

I wish to hear from dom's and sub friends here, how much weightage do you give for setting a proper time constraint when it comes to a d/s meeting/sessions /discussions- when to have a conversation, when to have a play session etc

Being a working woman, I find it extremely uncomfortable to take up tasks/punishments etc when I am at workplace especially when you are around so many people and mostly in stressful environment .. So i don't prefer my work hours for any sessions or tasks..
*i was vocal about it, but was discouraged to follow a fixed timing *

Isn't it good to have an agreement on fixing a well defined time line and both of us strictly stick to it, so that either of you wont have to face any disastrous consequences?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 28, 2020

i like your question/topic, it seems pretty important to me.

i don't think there's a simple either or answer to this question, that like with most things D/s (relational?), it's going to be dependent on the individual needs/wants of the people in the relationship.

i think a general rule we can use in exercising any of our kinks is that it not violate trust or safety. "Disastrous consequences" doesn't seem safe or trustworthy to me?

Having said that, personally, i have had 'tasks' to do at work that made me feel connected to my Dom and were a sexy refreshment during an arduous day. Little stuff though, like sitting down while i pee (have to do that anyway), or wearing lace panties to work, or chastity. All a little scary as i work 13 hour days in critical care as a nurse, but also arousing when He text's me during the day and asks me to take a pic of myself while sitting to pee at work. i really like being able to experience my connection and relationship at work, as long as it doesn't interfere with what i do. It can even make me less tense and more effective at what i do.

So i think tasks can go so many different ways? i can imagine others that may not be appropriate, but i wouldn't put tasks at work in a strict yes or no category.

JoyBoxxe​(sub female) • Apr 28, 2020

I agree.. being a professional woman myself & in a D/s relationship & see other men as well. I too have to wear possibly a restraint or an O necklace ( mine is pure silver that my Dom provides). No one knows what that symbol means during my work as a RN Consultant. He may ask me to masturbate at lunch in the bathroom, take a quick pic, when He texts me, that is thrilling. Then He will give me a day planner at home when off work, Monday-Friday per se.. of what my Dom expects of me.
I find it thrilling, erotic & love the feeling of His loving control over me.. never being mean or punishing me.
Then once I see my DOM at his selected time.. we connect by taking a shower together.. then He inspects my body.
I should have in a vibe pussy teaser & jeweled butt plug in & get in my "inspection pose" then a "sub pose". Must tell Him every day all about my work, my off time... it gives me a sense which it truly is.. He cares for me...for He does.
All the wardrobe, jewels, sex toys my Dom provides for only ME! No one else...if new to the Fetish/BDSM lifestyle.. just know that GOOD COMMUNICATION with your DOM in a D/s relationship of any kind is crucial.
Be vocal on any HARD STOPS/LIMITS you may have.
Dom's never blow through your "Hardstops"...if they do don't go back.
All must be on a contract & negotiated between yourself & Him. Period.
Be safe & know that a true sub has more erotic power than you may think.
All my Dom/Daddy/Sir have treated me like gold, for I am a well trained sub of 30 yrs.
You all should be treated by all the same way.. mostly treat yourself that way.
Trust me when if you just let go... this will decrease your stress, anxiety & make your day more pleasurable.
Have fun.. Be Safe.. Joy

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 28, 2020

"All my Dom/Daddy/Sir have treated me like gold, for I am a well trained sub of 30 yrs."

Wow JoyBoxxe, loved your whole response. Awesome and encouraging to read. It seems so many Dom's are into punitive an punishment, and that's great if there is mutual chemistry. But honestly, if it's not sexually energizing and Hot for both parties, i don't see the point. Of course, my subness is pretty much sexual.

my best experience with D/s has always been symbiotic. Opposite chemistry, yin/Yang, where each of our needs/desires nurtures the others vs forcing or pretending. i think it's fantastic about the lunch time masturbation and texts. It makes life so much more fun and exciting to mix it up, eh? Love that you have what you have. Yay you!!

LordofPain56 • Apr 29, 2020

I am probably odd man out here, but there was never any problem with this during the days when I had a partner. It was always made known to her up front (in the "covenant") that all types of BDSM activities were done after work, in private and in no way could any ritual nor punishment could "out" her in her vanilla life.
Now, I understand most people are more spontaneous, especially girls, but I am a routine oriented person, and this is just another of my policies which reflects that.
The good news is....if she had transgressed in the morning, she would have to wait in anticipation and fear all day for the upcoming onslaught of my sadistic nature until the evening (which I hoped would do more to curb her mis-behavior than the actual punishment).
So, if she had read the "covenant" in the beginning, and the word BORING came to mind, she found out that it wasn't necessarily as she imagined it.

Re: Your view on setting a time constraint - boundaries

NCarraway​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2020

@Shanaya, this is a great question.

To my mind this is very much down to the individuals and the pairing. I have had dynamics where there has been almost constant contact and I have had dynamics where the contact is defined (largely) within a set timeframe. When you go into a dynamic you need to be strong and negotiate the limits of where the dynamic starts and stops. If you need the dynamic to stop between the hours of 9 and 5, then you need to say that. Some pairings like the all day tasks, but for others it is just not practical.

Personally, I don't like his(?) response to you saying what worked for you and what didn't. As long as you express your opinion with respect and with context then you should be able to say anything you like about the dynamic. This is important.

And I know that your question does not specifically ask but i have had situations where I have had, as a Dom, to set time constraints and boundaries. For a D/s dynamic to succeed it must be sustainable.

JoyBoxxe​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2020

Agree with @Lord Pain56..... as a true "sub", never have I had to do sexual or improper things in the vanilla world at work or during time with my children. Dom's give me structure & guidance in a good way....some on here think that all a D/s is beating & torture to a "sub" highly untrue. I have been in this Fetish/BDSM world for over 30 yrs & am a full member of this great group of people. Some on here have this sexual notions, watched some porn, no little about the real bond that I have with any of my Dom/Daddy/Sirs.. period.. They care for me, know my heart & soul....know what I need before I need it. If a DOM is ruling too much, asking too much.. then he is not a real DOM/DADDY/SIR in my knowledge. Just a man who wants to be a CYBER DOM, BULL.. there is not place for that in my life or my wills to submit. Chose wisely for a sub if you think of it.. has more power than most think.. as long as I follow my Dom's wishes the better I am as a good gurl, to Him. More of a mind set & connection than just pure sexual desires....read more & learn more & have fun & be safe.
Peace.. Joy

rosethorn​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2020

I don't do time limits in this way as for me its impractical. I can see how some it works for and others it doesn't. What baffles me a little is how their is an attitude of you must.... i must do nothing... its my choice and I can sub but to the person who is right for me. If thats a need i can't fulfill then maybe im not the person for you instead of trying to twist my arm to something that i simply cannot do. Everyone has vanilla land and bdsm world here, they aren't always compatible.
Xxx love the topic. Just my perspective

rosethorn​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2020

In hindsight the only way its kinda worked is if one wanted to talk about the dynamics or some new ideas and safety or have a fun afternoon planned would sort of check with the other person when they were free the next week. Not sure that's the same thing tho