Young Doms

Sapio naturally sub​(other female) • May 15, 2020

I'm new here, but I have read many Dom profiles that are well articulated and offer mentoring newer Doms. The issue is that those newer Doms need to seek out the mentorship. I will say, as what I'll call myself "a junior sub" I will ask a potential about their mentorship and their learning journey. I will prompt a new, seemingly lost Dom to seek out mentorship. It would be neat if it was something formal within the platform, but there are so many opportunities for mentorship for new Doms, if they'd seek them out.

And I would second JuicyJess' comment.

Love and light to you.

Abyssful​(sub female) • May 15, 2020

Mentorship.
It used to be an important thing. You weren't accepted by a community unless you were mentored and the mentor was in good standing. I feel we should try to get back to close to that. Dominant personality types don't often like to seek help, they like to learn on their own and create something themselves. It is up to us to go "hey, no, you really do need some at least basic instruction to be in charge of a scene or person."

CandyDom​(dom male) • May 15, 2020

I absolutely feel this post chain to my core. I will admit I am pretty green to the BDSM scene. I would love to be mentored under those older than me. But a male dom isn't a new thing, BDSM seems flooded with males who want to partake. Does anyone have any suggestions as to stand out? Or differentiate yourself from those that are looking for a fling, and those looking to learn and grow within the community?

I do admit it sucks as someone who likes having control to have to ask for help. But I rather learn correctly than coax my ego and practice incorrectly.

Lil Foxy Baby​(sub female) • May 15, 2020

I usually laugh at their stupidity, then I tell them to fuck off and I block them. I won't tolerate ignorance or stupidity from anyone.

Curiousn'thinking​(switch female) • May 15, 2020

Knightsundere, I agree. I feel as if the main problem is not young Doms but inexperienced ones. In regards to those that automatically boss you around, I classify them differently. Those that automatically expect you to drop everything with no notice and obey their every order without getting to know you are not Doms, they're domineering people. There is a huge gap between Doms and domineering people that I'm still learning about and trying my best to figure out so I can peg people faster.

In terms of avoiding them... If anyone comes up with a foolproof way I will be the first in line to find out

IODiCeShOt • May 15, 2020

I’ve spoken to a couple of younger Doms more by chance than a deliberate request for help and both just didn’t know how to approach a sub. One in particular and I quote was “incredibly frustrated” that he was sending out all these messages and either received a sharp **** off or nothing.

I tried to give him some guidance without sounding patronising, but the one thing that struck me is because he wasn’t getting any constructive feedback that it was just a never ending and vicious circle. Essentially the more he failed the more desperate he became and so on. I don’t think this is just the young but anyone new to the scene who have a picture of how it all works formed by a few mainstream films and porn sites.

So maybe (as frustrating as it is for subs) the answer could possibly be in your patience and kindness to help the next generation of subs to find good Doms.

Of course there will always be the other clowns that are beyond anyone’s help

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 16, 2020

@CandyDom

Once again, I'll shamelessly self-promote. In my blog, you will find the following posts:

1) "Some Definitions" -- defines some terms, not just for the noobs, but what the terms mean to *me* so you understand my other posts better.

2) "Responsibility" -- what it means to be a Dom.

3) "Commitment" -- What it means to be a sub.

4) "The Journey" -- What a 24/7 TPE relationship looks like.

I invite you to read them, and ask questions.

MrMeltron​(dom male) • May 25, 2020

Speaking from my own experience, I think this has a lot to do with easier access to hardcore pornography for most of the lifetime of younger men these days, and the overwhelming prevalence of BDSM porn with very misogynistic themes. It really warps your sense of what is sexually acceptable or normal when you are exposed to graphic material exensively at an early age.

I myself stayed away from the lifestyle for a very long time because I believed it, incorrectly, to be hateful to women at its core because of what I had seen online. It wasn't until a recent relationship that I understood that being dominant and being respectful to your sub do not have to be mutually exclusive, and things really started to click for me (leading me here for one).

You are absolutely right, you are giving your Sir a wonderful gift (really many gifts), and you deserve the same respect that you give him. Just because you're a sub doesn't mean you don't have the right to set clear boundaries! Don't let any jerk tell you otherwise.

Richard Girard • May 26, 2020

He did ride on a big cat

House Talion​(dom male) • May 27, 2020

Knowledge. The more you know about what you dont like is just as important as whatbyou do like. Such idealistics are basic for everything in this world and instigating it is harder than think, but initially instilling it in new and young subs is a lot easier than doing so in new and young Doms. Eventually once all subs have such an understanding then the Doms in question have the choice of either abiding by the actual way things work or to forever be alone.