Online Vs Face to Face - Relationship

cynicalone​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2020

I prefer to start online , I think it makes women more comfortable. I do believe there needs to be a combination of both. Some people can be keyboard warriors then in real life be completely different.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Jun 8, 2020

I would have been the first person to downplay an online relationship simply because I want to know, touch, and feel my partner. I also have issues with treating people like they are disposable, or "one time use only" so casual is out for me.
In light if recent life changes (meeting Rich online and developing our relationship into real life, total power exchange as much as we are able) the decision was either start with an online relationship or not have the relationship. We both simply aren't willing to accept the latter option. So maybe the first question to ask, even before online vs IRL is this:
What kind of relationship do you both want? Is casual and online only enough or do you need something more? If more, how much?
If you are hundreds or thousands of miles apart, online becomes necessary to bridge the gap. But I would stress making sure you know this person well through talking online, on the phone, and through video chat. A LOT. Then move to in person interactions.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 8, 2020

One of the hazards of online is scammers. That can be hard, there seem to be more than a few heartless, soulless people out there who have no regard for people. Sociopaths really who try an play a person for a few dollars. Online is a breeding ground for such. Some are more sophisticated than others, but sooner or later, they show their hand by making up some story and asking for money. At that point, it all becomes evident, like showing a bluffing hand after what to them is just a game, a gamble.

i've never experienced that face to face, most scammers don't you to see them because their pictures are fake, just a part of their scam. Sad and pathetic, but scammers are common online. One of the down sides.

timinsmarts​(other male) • Jun 8, 2020

Speaking entirely personally I use online as a stage pre-meeting. It is vital to establish where a sub is coming from (I particularly want to understand their sexual fantasy head space - not just a list of acts which is not always helpful anyway the word "spanking" can cover a very wide range of experiences! - I want to understand the story they are playing in their heads). Vitally I also establish their real experiences, when a sub says 'I am into' something...that can mean: 'I have done this a lot and I enjoy it' or, particularly with newbies 'I have seen this in porn and it looks hot or I like the idea of something'. V important for me to know which! I have met guys who contact with a long list of likes that they want to try which they are nowhere near ready for! I pitch a scene to their experience and move towards their fantasy. (Incidentally that's why my ideal sub has about 5-10 years actual experience - they know what they like!)

I also use online to vet people, establish limits, go through a fairly standard health and safety checklist (you would be surprised the number of asthmatics who may not think to tell you before a scene - number one rule if the person I am playing with may ever need emergency medication I want it in my possession during the scene - obvious ain't it! - check don't assume - especially for intense bondage). However ongoing online play doesn't really work for me at all. I don't really want to be someone's interactive pornography (I know loads get off on this, good luck to you but I just find it frustrating). For me online is a means to an end. Where I may be controversial is that I suggest that we get straight into the sex - save the chit chat for afters. Again I know that isn't usual but I have found it works incredibly well. Of course if someone wants to meet for coffee, fine, but I think it is of limited value - what does getting to know you small talk really establish? (Hint dangerous people - ie sociopaths and psychopaths - are very very charming - they will be very good at the coffee and chat stage and if they mean to hurt or damage you will be good at fooling people). We deal with the safety issue by references. On our recon site (we play as a couple mostly) , with permission we have pictures and profile names of a large number of subs who have played with us and we allow subs to use watermarked pics of us playing with them on their profiles. We allow them to post and share about their experiences with us. If anyone is nervous or unsure about us: TAKE REFERENCES! It's simple, talk to the subs we have played with already, ask them what we are like, can we be trusted with boundaries, are we nice people etc. We network with other doms we know can be trusted and vouch for them and they vouch for us. Most of the opening approaches we get on that site are 'I was talking to sub 'x' ' or 'I really liked your pictures on sub y's Instagram or Twitter' or 'Master Z suggested I contact you'. And here for me is the beauty of making sex the first thing you do - it produces this amazing turbo charged intimacy. I have lost count of the number of times some guy we have just had sex with now feels they can tell us anything or can talk to us in the most intimate way because they now trust us. This is the foundation of the beautiful relationship with have with our subs - who nearly always can't wait to come back again and again. Personally we don't go looking for relationships - we look for connection and then the relationships just happen. So now we have the most wonderful kink family of friends and lovers. Works for us anyway.

As you can see from my profile I have decided this site is not for me (I was using it for distraction while COVID has my sex life on lockdown grr) But to be honest cyber just really frustrates me - it is like looking through the sweet shop window - good as foreplay but ultimately very unsatisfying - I like to touch and taste and smell too! Just me - no judgement intended on the people who have vibrant, creative and fulfilling online experiences - good luck to you - right now I wish I could too!! xx

DrWakko • Jun 8, 2020

I think in this day and age all offline relationships have an online component. Even if you first meet someone offline one of the first questions asked is “do you have a fet?” And from the website it goes to kik or snapchat or other social media. Then there is a face to face again.

I think all relationships start with 6 degrees of being online.

ADIDAS • Jun 8, 2020

@DrWakko,

I must say I am truly impressed!! You've always had a firm stance against anything to do with an online relationship in the past, even borderline critical of it. I know because I was one of those people in the line of fire, so to speak, lol, regarding your thoughts on the subject of on or off line relationships. You said something like..... if it's not in front of you so that you can ,taste, smell, feel it with your hands, then it's not a relationship. Not exactly the way you said it but the meaning is there..... anyway, I'm not trying to get you angry, I'm truly inspired by your growth here! I just wanted to tell you, thank you from me for your post here! It has taken away the hurt I felt in my heart when you said that....

I too believe that starting out online is a good idea , and if everything gels nicely, move to an in person meet somewhere public for the first time, no expectations, no pressure, see where it goes from there.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2020

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DrWakko • Jun 8, 2020

@ADIDAS

I believe you miss understood my comment. My comment was that every relationship has an online component. This does NOT change how I feel about “online d/s” relationships. I’m all for online relationships of various levels. Hell there are people that I’ve never met that I like and care about more than some people in real life. There has been no viable argument to make me think that “online d/s” is more that role play and guys getting girls to send nudes.

Back on topic. Even couples that live together may use online resources when one part is away on business. I know poly groups that use google calendar and chat groups to communicate with each other.

BelleMel​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2020

I really like the idea of being able to post a brief selfie video. It would be nice if the video was only accessible by registered users or by request if there were concerns about anonymity.

REAL LIFE

PERFECTION​(dom male) • Jun 8, 2020

I tend to believe about 90% of those who are online are less than advertised. Establishing basic guideline and goals on line is a good thing. A face to face should be a mutual want/desire in the very near future and before anything beyond takes place.