Sub drop / after care?

Sub drop / after care?

Lumebrasa​(masochist female) • Jul 2, 2020

I recently heard the term "sub drop" and I have read mumblings about aftercare.

What is sub drop? My understanding is that after play, a submissive may experience intense emotions that may or may not be negative... Is that correct?

What is the typical aftercare routine and process to recover / regroup after a particularly intense session?

I'm just curious from both a Dom and sub perspective what your experiences may be / may have been.

Thanks!

babydawn​(switch female) • Jul 2, 2020

Hi,
Subdrop by definition is the temporary depression and/or chemical dis-balance experienced by submissive/masochists after intense BDSM play. This can be short lived or can be a delayed reaction, and/or can last as long as a week.
Aftercare is usually done to prevent this. Aftercare can be different for everyone, depending on type of play and how that person processes things.
For me personally, I need reassurance and skin to skin contact while cuddling, sometimes depending on intensity I need to take a bath and just relax with my dom nearby.
When I have been the dom, during aftercare I've had to do basically the same: reassurance, cuddling, as well as getting my sub water and a snack.
It's very important to discuss how you need aftercare before playing/doing a session just in case you can't properly explain it afterwards.

I'm not very experienced though, so please take my explanation in stride. I hope it helps though.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Jul 2, 2020

From a 24/7 and currently long distance perspective.....
Since my Master and I are currently long distance, this is a bit of a unique issue for me. It doesn't come with the end of "scenes" because we don't operate that way. It does come with the separation, and quite strongly.
I went to visit him initially for 7 days. The trip had some serious ups and downs that included the death of a close family member. Dispite this, we both enjoyed eachother and continue to feel a familiarity with each other that doesn't usually come unless you have spent years with eachother. As time to go home got closer, I was feeling not just a sadness but despondency creeping in. I ended up staying 11 days total and still didn't want to be separated from him.
Having been back in our two respective corners, we consistently keep up frequent communication. This takes place multiple times a day, and I do still have bouts of feeling "disconnected" from him. When I do, I tell him and we set up a video chat, or talk about plans for him coming out here, or wedding ideas or just find excuses to tease eachother because it's one of many ways we have found that helps us connect from 947 miles away.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jul 2, 2020

Sub drop doesn't just occur with submissives who are masochists not does it have to happen after a scene.

Scientifically, it IS a chemical withdrawal from all those pleasure, happy happy joy joy chemicals. We get addicted to them and like any addict who suddenly starts to come down....the process has an emotional affect.

Now, those same chemical reactions can occur in other periods. I get intellectual sub drop. Sometimes, if I'm writing, I hit a block and I start to dance in order to "get in the mood"....that intense exersize does to the body the same things as sex or a play session does. The mechanics of the body is just a computer program. Input information (stimulas and activity) and the computer comes back with a result...in this case, happy hormones.

Once I STOP....I drop, depending on how "high" I got.

Each person has different needs for aftercare. Aftercare is the parachute that slows the drop down so instead of hitting the ground hard, causing emotional damage, it slows the decent. It also creates a bond between the provider and the person coming down. When my friends help me, it brings us closer together. When a Dom does it for his sub, it rebuilds/ resolidifies the trust that allowed them to play hard.

What is little known, and little discussed, is that Dom's need aftercare as well, ESPECIALLY sadists! Why especially for them? Because men are constantly taught "you don't hit a woman", and yet, that is what Dom's do.....they need reassurance that they did what you requested...that they DID THEIR JOB, and did it well.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Jul 2, 2020

two great forum posts in a row. I will tell you how sir toke care of us. 1) sir always had electrolyte water within reach and straw during our play.
2) after he would run a bath if needed (it always was) he would wash us himself talking and touching were very important for us. 3) he would apply moisturizer to our bodies. and have soft music playing in the background. we would the cuddle the rest of the day and he would feed us little things (chocoholic) any one ?. and review what we did and did not like.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jul 2, 2020

SJL,

That sounds wonderful! For me, the touch is important...cuddles but also silence. I just want to be held because my brain has shut down and I can't talk. When someone is talking to me, I feel obligated to respond and guilty when I can't.

I do enjoy being hand fed succulent, sweet fruits.

bearfortwinkz​(dom male) • Jul 3, 2020

So I guess I’ll put in a dom’s perspective on this. Someone else compared the mind to a computer which I definitely have to agree with (I’m a software developer). You provide input, it spits out output. The intense feelings from a session are partly because your brain has soaked itself in chemicals. When the stimulation stops, so does the chemical cocktail. Others are right, too. It’s not always immediate and not everyone experiences it either.

Aftercare is a subject I’m extremely passionate about, and have strong feelings about. For me personally, part of being a dom/master is the responsibility of taking care of and protecting your sub/slave. Aftercare is a big part of that.

It’s different for each set of dom/sub or master/slave. It could be putting bandages and antibiotic ointment on any open wounds/cuts; a nice hot shower can be good as well. Getting something to eat and making sure your sub gets some water/Gatorade is good too. I like to take the opportunity to take care of my boy and make him feel safe and comfortable, make sure he knows anything that happened during play was play.

A hot shower is one of my favorites for aftercare. It’s quite intimate and gives me the chance to wash him up, make sure he’s all washed up and cleaned up. My current boy, Kyle, I usually have to hold him up so I can make sure he gets good and clean every where. The hot water helps ease the muscles. Sometimes I’ll use some hot massage oils if we had a particularly intense session. Then I make sure he gets something to eat and drink — sometimes feeding him myself. Then we usually cuddle maybe watch something on Hulu or Prime.

Zedland​(dom male) • Jul 3, 2020

Speaking generally aftercare boils down to reminding your partner you care, they matter, and you are there for them. How that is achieved varies from person to person, scene to scene. Sometimes it is just a smile and a quick, 'that was fun' while other times its snuggling and in some damnable circumstances it involves...conversation.

I kid on the last point.

Exquisite​(sub female) • Jul 3, 2020

I must say there’s no “typical aftercare routine”, actually it depends on the prior discussion of the scene if your new to one another.

If you’re in a relationship, married, have scened before and/or played before than you know what’s expected or what to expect.

Also, I must make this clear; if your in a scene with a Master for the first time he can tell by your body language, by your eyes, by the questions he ask you throughout the scene exactly what you need when it’s over whether it’s for the moment or for days later. It’s part of whom he is and what he expects from his self which is to always take care of every aspect of his sub; before, during and after!

Umberlee{AH/Savage} • Jul 5, 2020

So if your Dom drops the ball on the aftercare- it’s not uncommon to feel completely out of sorts. Emotionally fragile and kind of a hot mess- particularly when playing with a sadist. Complex emotions are common in our world, but it’s mostly about coming back to your center. Whatever it takes to help you find the balance you need to go back to the everyday life.