How do you ask for help.

How do you ask for help.

Mzmocha​(sub female) • Jul 12, 2020

So i took the advice from my previous post and checked out the chat room because a lot has been weighing on me lately. And so many people were discussing things that seemed far bigger than what i am going through, in fact i'm not even sure how to fully explain what my issue really is. and while it was nice to see that the help is there. i never really found the opening to ask the questions that i wanted to ask. i think a part of me is so used to the negative reactions that i get when trying to talk to people who do not have any bdsm or submissive understanding, that i stray away from speaking. also i see so many posts about being new to the lifestyle and being patient that it also makes me stray away from asking some questions because i don't want to seem like i am foolish or too eager. but having no one to talk to about what is going on in my head is beginning to take a toll. idk, i guess i just needed to vent. today is just one of the crappy ones.

Bishop​(dom male) • Jul 12, 2020

Asking for help can seem like a very scary thing, I think because it puts us in a place of vulnerability. Not just because of any potential backlash we could get, but also because of the honest response to the question.
I think the fear of looking foolish for asking the question isn’t near as important as we think it might be...how many of us often look foolish for doing or saying something? Almost all of us. But what about the actual advice we get from the question? That’s something different. What if the advice isn’t what we thought we would get or didn’t align with our personality? Then perhaps we would feel like something was wrong with us?
I would suggest you read posts, comments, and other things people write that give you the impression they have some insight into things. You could probably tell by the way someone writes whether or not they would be open to hearing your question. Also, do a search, perhaps the question has already been asked? There is no such thing as a dumb question, never...it’s only when it isn’t asked.

Mzmocha​(sub female) • Jul 12, 2020

thank you, i wil see if either helps. i appreciate the advice.

Zedland​(dom male) • Jul 12, 2020

The forum's here are fairly good place to find interesting topics of discussion, some of which might be relevant to your unasked questions. As for why they are unasked questions you really shouldn't feel foolish. The absolute worst thing that can happen is a bunch of strange people on the internet will deride you, which I might point out is essentially the point of the internet.

Now if you need to vent that is great. There is a blogging feature here and not only might it put your problems out were other can find them but they will help you document your progress.

Bunnie • Jul 12, 2020

@ Mzmocha,

You’re always welcome to ask your questions here too. What I love about the Forums section is the quality and variety of answers offered. You can get feedback from many different people, all walking different paths, all living different ways. You then have the opportunity to do with that what you choose.

When you go into places like chat (as much as I love the social aspect of it), it’s a bit hit and miss as to the quality of the advice and knowledge you will receive... and also depends greatly on which “clique” is in there at that moment as to how your questions are received. Just because there are people there talking... doesn’t necessarily mean they know what they’re talking about. It’s a great place for discussion, however I always recommend researching anything you’re told, just to help clarify and avoid any potential misinformation.

At least in writing, you have the opportunity to sift and sort through misinformation a little easier... or for clarification from others to occur.

As for being worried about asking questions... what’s more important to you? Learning and growing? Or going through life never looking silly? A mantra that I created for myself in the beginning that became so beneficial to my growth was “learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.” Because let’s be honest... everything new is uncomfortable. We can all relate... we’ve all been there (and still are if we’re still striving for growth)

Find that drive that brought you here. Let that be your fire in your belly... your courage. Ask as many questions as you need to, to understand. You’ll find there are many here who appreciate that curiosity

Mzmocha​(sub female) • Jul 12, 2020

@ bunnie

thank you. your advise was very helpful. ill give the forum thing a try.

AllOfMe​(sub female) • Jul 13, 2020

I am fairly new and have a bunch of questions also but I don't ask I guess maybe afraid that it would be a silly or stupid question so I only read the forums and blogs ( that have great information some with websites you can look up) sometimes go into chat and stay in the back ground reading some questions asked by others after reading the reply's don't seem so silly after all 🙂