Am I wrong?

Am I wrong?

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 14, 2020

My ex has a new guy now. We were together for 10 years, ending 3 years ago. Our relationship was powerful and intense in this world. We were Dom/sub for the first part, and Domme/sub for the last. All to try and make her happy. We were married. Then she became a ghost. About a year after she left me, I learned that she was telling people that I abused her. Specific horrible stories. Gut wrenching. All false. I was a wreck for a year after that. Nearly everyone we knew in common in the vanilla world hasn't spoken to me since. Now, the stories of her exes before me all make sense. Similar, but different lies for each of them, going back to her childhood (father and brother) and through 3 marriages.

So someone told me she has a new guy. Both of them hiding out, you know, social media style. Hard to contact him but I found a few avenues. I want to warn him, or at least give him some perspectives on what I know about her pathological lies. But I'm sure he's enthralled by her right now as I was initially, and everyone else. She uses sad stories (lies) about her past to reel in the next one. I'm sure her girlfriends are all saying "he looks like nice guy, not like that last one you had." Same things they said about me. Of course, I'm sure he won't contact me because of how good she is at poisoning the well.

So am I wrong to try and contact him?

Mr E​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2020

Would you have believed the warnings of those that came before? Seems like you heard them but only accepted them when you saw for yourself.

Diagnoses are for too common hereabouts, but what I would say is that if this is a pattern of behaviour, it is very likely the new man will feel a very strong connection to her and that might mean he cannot accept hearing negative things.

DrKrall • Jul 14, 2020

There is no right or wrong. But it probably is a total waste of time and energy to try to reach him. It will only make her case aginst you stronger.
He won't believe a word you say since it's exactly what he expects you to say if you are the person she has made you in his mind.
It's a lose lose situation for you, so just walk away. You can't fix the world. You can only fix you.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 14, 2020

None of them tried. I at least would have raised questions about the stories about them with a more critical ear.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 14, 2020

He would expect me to be something that I am actually not, and that would be immediately obvious. That's why she tries so hard to keep all of us separated.

Re: Am I wrong?

Mr E​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2020

So you knew there had been stories of her behaviour before or not?

If you only heard later, it makes little difference. Your efforts will just be turned around to show how 'destructive' you are.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 14, 2020

Mr E.

"So you knew there had been stories of her behaviour before or not?"

I wasn't quite clear. I knew the stories from her mouth, convincing and believable, about the men in her past. I had not heard from anyone else. That's part of the reason I feel compelled to contact him.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Jul 14, 2020

Don't demean yourself.
It will only show you in a poor light...jealous, bitter, vengeful
As for the lies she said about you... You know the truth , that matters ..and if the so called friends didn't at least pose a question or two your way then they're not real friends.
Move on and be the person you always were... allow people to make their own mistakes.
Sounds like you're well rid of her.

Mr E​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2020

If you feel compelled, why are you canvasing opinion? You seem like your mind is made up.

While I understand you want to help, you need to understand your need isn't entirely altruistic either. The chance of it making things even worse for you is very high, hence people telling you it is not a sound strategy.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 14, 2020

Mr E. I am listening, and look forward to more opinions.